Tuesday, March 18, 2008

Heads or Tails Tuesday: The Scary Room

Before buying this house I lived in apartments all my life. Somebody else is responsible for water and heat and wires.

The room I'm going to share with you is, according to my daughter-in-law, the laundry room, my son calls it - "down where I have my tools" - or - "where the beer is" - or - "did you bring up any --- from there".

I call it 'The Scary Room' - I'm not afraid of it anymore, that disappeared the first time I plugged the leak, turned off the gas, and pumped the pump. It's name stuck out of love and admiration for the fragile maze of incomprehensible workings that make a building a home.

The door to the scary room - right by my desk, that way I can always hear the moaning, screeching, clacking of whatever is about to cost thousands to repair.

Looks pretty benign when you first enter.

These machines I can manage - funny how others in the house have difficulty - wonder if it's a hormone thing?

Even the washer/dryer have demons - you must be able to turn this little red dial at the first scent of gas. Again - I appear to be the only person who has a sense of smell.

the water from the washer pumps into the pump that ...

... pumps into the hole, that generates the pool that flows back up the pipe that lives in the house that morons built.

give you one guess why the pump that pumps needs a special alarm!?
and my bedroom is right above - how convenient (for everyone else)

although I enjoy having a window while folding (balling up) sheets - the real reason we put it in was to have a way to pump out the water when the pumps that pump the pumps stop pumping

the hanger is my handiwork - 3 men stood around scratching their balls trying to decide how to keep thing #1 from falling off of thing #2. I got the hanger, got the wire cutters and viola! - they said they'd be back with clamps - that was 3 years ago.

blue and red flames in here are a good thing - until you have to put your hand in there to flip the thingie

you're gazing at my trip to San Francisco! any and all black pipes you see were ALL replaced at once since they decided to sprout holes together. synchronized flooding!
Oh well - California will still be there, or not if you believe in global warming.
Meet ya on the beach in Vegas?

Water that is invited into the house can be controlled here.

I have no clue what these things do but I think they're pretty and I think it's really cool that I own concrete.

scary stuff that is as old as dirt

I believe the Internet runs through here

and ... when all else fails I can open this little door, climb under the stairs and rock back and forth chanting "me precious, me precious"
or ... it's a great place to smoke a joint when the freakin' kids are home

Hope you like my scary room. There's a lovely house attached to it - if you're interested you can buy it for a lot less than we paid for it as long as you don't mind waiting until the economy is better so that we can afford to leave it. Perhaps your grandkids are interested?

To join Heads or Tails Tuesday or to check out others go to Skittle’s Place


Jen said...

LOL! I loved this post!!!! I loved the balling up the laundry sheets. SO funny and the rocking back and forth "my precious my precious!" You're a total crack-up! Thanks so much for stopping by my blog! :)

Leighann said...

it's a great place to smoke a joint when the freakin' kids are home

ROFL!! That's the best thing I've read all day!

kenju said...

An excellent post!! I have a similar house from which we can't afford to move - and we can't afford to stay here either. What do you suggest? LOL

Skittles said...

You do know how funny you are, right???? :)

This sounds like the house Jack built. LOL!!!!

Raven said...

You really should get paid for your writing. You're words always resonate with the rest of us. My house's scariest place remains unknown to me so far. I'm hoping to get my friends go out there once the snow melts and make sure we aren't going to blow up any time soon.

Funny as always. Sorry about your trip to San Francisco. The universe will send you the money. I have faith.... and I so agree about balling the sheets up. Folding is for sissies.

Kim said...

So now I need to remember to read your posts on an empty bladder, so when I laugh myself silly, I don't end up wetting myself, too! I so love you!

tt said...

Oh good gawd what do I say??? ummm...wait a minute...I gotta get a tissue to wipe the eyes.....then get my squirt for the asthma attack that post triggered...Lordie you're funny. Put a warning out for me next time ....mmkay?

Jo said...

That was hilarious! (I'm sorry) LOL Nice to know someone else balls up sheets...I try to scrunch mine into squarish shapes. I do the rocking back & forth in any old corner...dying over the "me precious"!

So classic, I loved this post.

Jay said...

Ha! Hilarious post!

That room doesn't look all that scary to me. Any room that the beer lives in is a happy place. ;-)

Dianne said...

thank you jen! your blog is such a happy place, full of beautiful children.

leighann - before we bought a mother/daughter (we couldn't afford separate homes) I always imagined I'd spend my 50s drinking, playing loud music and having sex with the delivery boy. Instead I'm surrounded by prudes who are shocked by my behavior!!

kenju - I know! bless "W"'s heart, he's done such a fine job for all of us.

skittles - I must admit I do amuse myself from time to time :) thanks!

raven - "folding is for sissies" LOL - exactly!

kim - that made me laugh! thanks so much.

tt - Oh No! breathe deep!! :)
everything about me needs a warning.

jo - my ex used to call my folded sheets "square balls"! My response was - good, only thing around here with balls. "me precious" is when I know I'm over the edge :)

jay - you would love it then! there's about 6 kinds of beer. at one point we dented the top of the freezer with the weight. It's NJ, if you don't drink you go postal :)
you are welcome to visit anytime - we'll drink and smoke under the stairs, I'm thinking of having the room padded.

Michael Manning said...

Now THAT's what I call a "House Tour". For some reason, I can see Larry King following you and asking questions about the pump. Mmm, hmm. And tell us about THIS contraption Dianne. What does IT do? :D!!!

Mike said...

That's about as scary as my moms basement lol. She had an old "octopus" type furnace that did creak and moan as it heated the house. A neat post for sure and gives a guided tour of home ownership lol.

Misty Dawn said...

"that lives in the house that morons built" ahahahahaha that was it for me, I was laughing so hard I had to take a break from reading! This is a fantastic post!

Jeni said...

Hysterical, absolutely hysterical! Our entire basement tends to be my "scary place" -not just room! We have an old chest freezer in the basement where we store "overflow" stuff from the upright upstairs. (Meaning when I have gone a bit haywire and bought too much stuff to fit in the upstairs unit, it goes to the basement. However, the other day Mandy went to get a pizza out of the basement unit and discovered the pizza (and everything else there) was thawed; freezer not running. Have no idea for how long although everything was still cold then, just thawed. She of course, decided SHE didn't feel like dealing with it. I rarely go down there as I don't do stairs well and those steps are particularly wicked (house being 105 years old, ya know). Reading your post, I asked Mandy if she'd mentioned the freezer problem to Bill and she said "No, not yet." Hmmm. I imagine if she doesn't tell him soon, we're gonna have a real stinking mess there, aren't we? Sometimes, my daughter really frustrates the living daylights out of me!

cathy said...

laughed so hard i had a histamine attack!

Dianne said...

michael - that's brilliant! Larry King - humphing and snorting - and roaming around my basement. I love it!!

mike - my whole life all I wanted was my own home. as my Nana said - "be careful what you wish for"

misty - thanks!! they were morons, everything in this house has a quirk and a story. then again so do I.

jeni - my stairs are a bit daunting as well, the house is about 60 years old. the carpet on them is frayed and I'm positive I'm gonna take a tumble one day. grown kids are a challenge, aren't they? :)

cathy - thanks! and sorry for the histamine attack. you and tt should get together.

bobbie said...

Dianne, you are FUNNY! I have lived in houses with room such as that one.
Now I rent, and I lie in bed at night pretending not to hear what might be going on down in the crawl space or up in the attic. Thanks for starting my day on a happy note, as you usually do.

CG said...

I loved exploring your scary room. I can't fold fitted sheets...I end up screaming with frustration as I BALL THEM UP and stuff them in a cupboard!!

Dianne said...

bobbie - you're welcome, I hope your day continues to be a good one, even with all this rain. my bedroom was above the scary room so I hear EVERYTHING. I used to go check every sound, now the house and I know each other and she speaks to me.

cg - I believe sheets were meant to be balled up. they do nothing but lie around on a bed, they require no special attention :)

Michael Manning said...

dianne and kitty cats: HAPPY WEDNESDAY! :)

Akelamalu said...

LOL that's a really scary room! Love your description of everything down there - very technical! ;)

Dianne said...

Happy Wednesday Michael!

akelamalu - I am technical aren't I LOL - I could write "Home Mechanics for Morons"

Sleepypete said...

Lol - delightfully avoiding the jargon that the people who try to make us pay lots for repairs try to get away with.

I've only got one scary room here - that's the one with the hot water tank in it. It's scary because there's a switch with a light on the wall outside it. The light works but the only thing connected to the switch is a couple of bits of bare wire ...

I don't think I'll be touching those to find out what they are.

PS I have had someone in fits of giggles because I told her that I'd spent my morning in weird positions on the kitchen floor. I was fixing the washing machine - honest guv' :-)

Andrée said...

Your post is like incomprehensible to me. Because I make sure it is incomprehensible to me forever. I never want to learn what you have learned or do what you do. I admire the heck out of you for doing this stuff. I figure that is why God invented plumbers and electricians. If I can afford them.

Law Student Hot Mama said...

I once stayed in a friend's scary room for a night . . . he went crazy convinced that the ticking sound his alarm made was going to bother me so he went in and started cutting random wires. The ticking sound continued, but the alarm cost hundreds to repair. I offer that as a cautionary tale . . . because I odn't know what the hell is in my scary room and I don't want to know.

Dianne said...

sleepypete - are you sure you were JUST fixing the washer!? and were you alone? ;)

andree - I could probably get God here faster than I can get plumbers and electicians LOL - thanks for stopping by.

law student - never cut a wire! as irresistible as it might be - I never cut, turn, open, close anything without knowing what it is first. One of the reasons I'm crazy! ;)

Smalltown RN said...

Dianne I echo what most have said here...you truly have a gift with the word...this is so funny ...well I am sure it wasn't for you at the time...but it is funny how you wrote it....and then photos to go along with it...what an adventure....

Dianne said...

smalltown rn - thanks! it was and is an adventure. most of it makes me laugh - except for having to use my SF trip money.

Sleepypete said...

"sleepypete - are you sure you were JUST fixing the washer!? and were you alone? ;)"
Hmm ... I spent a while searching for just the right spot to put my finger too ...

Hey ! I'm talkin' about on the pipe that had a leak ;-)

fermicat said...

Funny post!! I can relate. We love out 1965-vintage home until something goes wrong. Then we find out how everything is non-standard, or you can't get to it, and oh - it always happens on a night or weekend. Our pipes are a ticking time bomb... we're just hoping they'll wait and go off on the next people.

Dianne said...

LOL sleepypete!! - rumor has it that the leaky spot on the pipe can be very difficult to find! Oh My!

fermicat - not only does it always happen at night it always happens when I'm home alone!
and yes - nothing in this house is standard - when we measured for blinds we discovered that every single window was a slightly different size and don't get me started on the doorways!!
I think the house found us - we're very non-standard as well.
thanks so much for stopping by ;)

elena jane said...

omg, this was hysterical...."when the pump that pumps the pump stops pumping...."
we have two sump pumps btw, a very wet basement and lots of weird wires (some that go nowhere)....:-)

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