Thursday, May 21, 2009

I Have The Best Intentions ...

So I'm still going through baby shower photos and writing and re-writing the post. I'm such a blog tease ...

My pal VIN is anxiously awaiting those breast pump photos.

I have some great research about water quality for THINK GREEN THURSDAY but didn't find a way to pull it together into something interesting.

I have a wicked head cold. All stuffy and incoherent with blurry eyesight and sudden flashes of fever - and the head cold is a killer too.

I submitted a claim to the pet insurance company for all of Mia's medical treatment. I took out the stuff I knew they didn't cover - I read my policy - and sent in a claim for $943.

Yesterday I got a check for $65. Isn't that special.

They are questioning every test. They are asking for all her medical records since the day I got her.

I keep forgetting that the American definition of insurance is - she who pays premiums and never submits a claim.

I've been trying to care for the plants which is a hilarious sight. The water hose is heavy and needs to be pulled around the carport - last night the freakin' hose somehow got wrapped around my cane and I just stood there for a good solid 2 or 3 minutes wondering what the hell to do.

This time last year I was working on multiple projects for demanding clients and doing several shifts at the big ass department store. That is how I know how to function.

All this being careful and feeling limited. All this endless noise in my head - this telling myself to go slower, wrap the ankle, don't carry the heavy bag, don't walk downstairs, don't move the sofa to clean, don't get on your knees to scrub the tub, don't run across the street to put the neighbor's dog back in the gate.

All this extra preparation - take the cane everywhere, park close to the entrance, do errands now - you might not be able to move later, skip the line at the post office ... blah-blah-blah.

But I do remind myself that some of my buddies at the VFW can't drive anymore and feel trapped in their homes. I still try to visit them and do some chauffeuring but it's not always possible. My SIL needs to use her wheelchair all the time now thanks to the progression of her MS. The lady down the road got lost again the other day - she's got Alzheimer's and sometimes when she goes to get the trash can at the end of the driveway she just keeps walking.

Her husband wishes there was a way to train the neighbor's dog - he who escapes the gate - to just walk with his wife. I like him.

So all this just to say I'll post about the shower as soon as I'm not struggling with stupid crap.

And I'll keep working on accepting me as I am now.

We all need to do that don't we.


Bond said...

Yes we do...and because sometimes things time out perfectly, please come sit on The Couch today.

Dianne said...

bond - ahhhh - we are like a romance novel - I did this post then went over to your place to grab your url but didn't read it until after I published this, then I went back and saw your lovely words for me and left the comment, not seeing this comment yet
when they make the movie you be Meg Ryan and I'll be Steve Carrel ;)

Ivanhoe said...

Oh yes, all insurances suck. I was contemplating to get one for Sam just in case, but will do better without it. Money thrown right out of a window. I would be better off just saving $20 a month and pay the vet's bill from that. See, I don't need an insurance :o)
Hang in there, Di.

Hilary said...

Self-acceptance might well be the hardest part. But essential. Hugs to you, Dianne.

Bond said...

I always wanted to be Meg Ryan!

Mrs. C said...

$65? You got $65? Woo-hoo! I was a cynic when I started reading and thought your total would be $0. :p

Bet the baby shower photos will be really something if it's taking you a while to post it. Probably full of links to all kinds of stuff I'll never buy. My kids play with cardboard tubes and stuff. They even fight over who gets the next one from the paper towel roll. Yes, they do.

I'm a big spender.

Sparkling Red said...

Oh the evil, EEEEEVIL insurance companies! Did you know: ten years ago many Canadian doctors moved to the USA because they could get paid more working there. But now the insurance companies have gotten so greedy that they won't pay - the doctors have to take them to court and sue for every bill. Many Canadian doctors are returning home because at least they can get paid without a hassle here, by the government. I have 4 such drs lined up to join our clinic in the next 6 months.

I wish you the best of luck with all your challenges. I remember you in my prayers.


Anonymous said...

Yeah, unfortunately a lot of pet insurance companies have benefit schedules, so they only have to pay a small amount. I switched from VPI to Trupanion because with Trupanion they cover 90% of ALL vet bills (accident/illness) up to $20 000 (no limits). I read tons of reviews just like yours on, you are not alone!

Anonymous said...

$65 f'ing dollars is all? Insurance companies can kiss my big white fat ass. How dare they. You are indeed a special woman and I'm glad to have met you. I'm going to ask a question that I can't find the answer to on your it laziness or being to far right LOL But why do you use a cane? I didn't know. Self acceptance is the only way to go. I like the neighbors idea of training the dog. Great idea. Hang in there my friend... Aloha :)

Akelamalu said...

Sorry to hear you're not feeling 100% Dianne.

Effing insurance companies question everything! I hate them!

Liberality said...

I keep forgetting that the American definition of insurance is - she who pays premiums and never submits a claim.
Ain't THAT the truth! Hope you and the kitty feel better soon.

Lu' said...

Hey Dianne, I dig you :)

bobbie said...

I think you're in training for old age. Seriously, I really empathize.

I dealt with my insurance problems by doing a nasty cartoon and making my insurance man look really nerdy. It made me feel a little better. Didn't help with the money though.

Hang in there kiddo.

Linda Reeder said...

Ahhh, Dianne, thank you for the reminder. Not only do I need to take myself as I am, but I need to count my blessings!
So now that the nerve compression in my back is making my foot/knee problem burn again when after four weeks of physical therapy exercises, I thought I had it under control, is nothing. I'll just have to try harder to monitor my activities.
Blessings to you.

Dianne said...

ivanhoe - actually I have also had many good results with the pet insurance, I'm just frustrated right now because I was counting on that $$$
Siren's coverage has already paid for itself and I'm assuming/hoping that Mia's will do the same

hilary - hugs right back lady
funny how I find it so easy to be supportive to others but not myself

bond - oh man I hope Matty sees that comment !!!!

mrs c - I'm trying to do the celebration justice while still being true to how I feel about materialism and my DIL's family and all these "social traditions"
I think paper towel rolls are fun ;)

spark - thank you for that! I appreciate it :)

anon - I will research Trupanion

thom - you're always putting your big fat white ass out there ain't ya! I like that about you
I tore tendons in my ankle last August - after 3 months and 2 different casts the ankle did not heal properly and, after extensive test, the Drs decided I was experiencing counter rotation between my knee and my ankle
plus the months in the cast had put so much strain on the other side of my body - that ankle is now compromised
I have scoliosis (curved spine) which is at the heart of all this - apparently 54 years of a twisted spine catches up to a person - who knew!? ;)

akelamalu - thanks lady :)
funny thing about the pet insurance, I had the opportunity to lie about how old Mia is, her adoption papers say she's 4 but I know she's twice that - and I didn't. I am hoping my honesty will help this time.

Dianne said...

liberality - me and mia need to take to the streets and protest but first we need a nap and meds ;)

lu' - dig ya right back :)

bobbie - I've always been ahead of the class LOL

linda r - I think of all you're going thru often - all we can do is our best and I think we both do pretty good
hope the pain eases

Jay said...

I initially read "stuffy" as "slutty" and I got all excited for a minute. Uhh, yeah, maybe I shouldn't say these things out lout. ;-)

We all need to give ourselves a break every once in a while. Some of us more often than that.

CrystalChick said...

I struggle some days with assorted stuff and know a little of what you feel like. I'm working on accepting some things I can't change, working on trying to change things I might be able to, just laughing at some other stuff. You know....
We're just works in progress.

I think you are fabulous. Warm. Funny. Intelligent. Kind.

Dianne said...

jay - I'm always 'slutty' so it wasn't worth a special mention ;)

crystal chick - thank you!! you're a good friend

Kay said...

Acceptance is hard, esp when you feel a bit traped.

I feel ya,

Travis said...

You know it has to be a gradual process, this acceptance of new challenges thing. You spent the better part of your life living one way. You can't expect to change that behavior this quickly.

So give yourself a break. Embrace the new preparation habits you need that keep you independent and mobile. And take all the time you need to adjust.

gabrielle said...

I have a scoliosis that is wreaking havoc with my hips and knees.
My weight is out of control because of depression, meds, hormones, heredity and yes, my ortho problems which restrict my activity.
And the extra pounds are, you got it, stressing my joints.
On top of it all, I have a mystery virus that surfaces about 4 times a year that lays me flat for weeks at a time.
The golden years, more like golden showers if you ask me.
Ok your twisted sister is getting kvetchy.

I am sorry to hear that all this merd is going on for you. Thank goodness for your sense of humor and your resilience. The story about getting tangled up in hoses is hilarious. If you were a believer, you could point your cane at the heavens and wail. Hell, you can do it anyway. Hard to do physical comedy in cyberspace. You do it better than anyone I know.

Hope you area feeling better soon

the walking man said...

Fuck it...push yourself to the point where you call yourself stupid for pushing...back off a step from there and accept that as the new you.

Daryl said...

I am not going to say anything trite like 'it will get better' cause I dont believe that shit .. but I am going to say I love you and I wish this crap would end .. and that asshat in the insurance co. gets a heart and pays you ...

Bond said...

:::Looks around:::

Nope, no breast pumps...have a marvelous weekend...

::waves goodbye:::

Micky-T said...

You do seem to have a big pile of shit that your swimming around in, I know you'll come out smelling like the rose you are. Hugs! (wooh, did I type that hugs? you must be real special)

OldOldLady Of The Hills said...

I can relate to that last couple of sentences, Dianne....With my confinement my entire life changed in every way....that was a number of years ago now and I am STILL trying to adjust to these on-going differences....There is no question adjustmemts like these take some getting used to and the acceptence of all these things is really hard at times, in my own view. I think you are doing GREAT, my dear, even though it is very very difficult.

I look forward to that post with the Breast Pump!
(Anything for a laugh, right?

CG said...

You get better soon...look after yourself!!

Farmer*swife said...

Good for you; finding the brightness (or dull light?) in the situation.

My Mom is finally coming around to the fact that she just can't "do" what she thinks she can and does. She can do it; but she'll pay for it for a couple of days.

Pain, pain, pain.

Hang in there, Gal!!! Hey, maybe that dog could also help you pull that big hose??? :-D

Raven said...

Sorry you aren't feeling well. I've been having a rough week myself. I can so relate to adjusting to not being able to do what you used to. I'm struggling with the reality that I need help with stuff that I don't think I SHOULD need help with. Sigh. Canes take getting used to.

I can't believe (well I can... that's a rhetorical I can't believe) about the insurance. Hopefully they will cough up more after they make you jump through hoops for a while.

Hope you get your SSD approved soon.

Anonymous said...

I've obviously missed much in the recent past. Warm wishes and hugs are sent your way -- even on the days when my sleepless demons (oops, meant to type ANGELS! of course) keep me to exhausted to type.

maryt/theteach said...

Dianne, what's with the ankle? you sound like me - I'm limping and going to PT after my ankle break. I don't like the sound of that "head cold." If fever develops and stays go to the doctor - don't fool around with it! Hope you feel better. You're doing good works and that's good! :)

Bob-kat said...

Accepting you as you are now? Good luck! I think the trouble there is that this 'slower' person isn't really you, it's just a physical limitation on you and that is why it's so difficult? Well, at least that has been true for me when I have been ill and had to adapt. I found it easier when I treated it as something to be got through. I think if I accepted it as me then that meant that was how things would always be and I wasn't ready to accept that. If that makes sense?

Anyway, I hope that awful cold clears up very soon so you can feel a little more yourself. Hugs?