Over the next few posts I'll share with you some sights and situations from Christmas. Try to contain your excitement.
Christmas Eve is always spent in Brooklyn - it's the law.
This year I was traveling from NJ to Brooklyn alone. For various reasons everyone else was already there.
I left early and expected only mind numbing traffic as opposed to the soul crushing traffic experienced once you leave NJ later then 4.
I sailed along the Garden State Parkway, north to the home of pizza, bagels and big hair. Unfortunately my time on the GSP is the shortest part of the route.
I sailed around the curve toward the Outerbridge Crossing and ...
Forget the fact that the OC is only 2 lanes. Ignore the evil of bad road planning.
This is because people suck. The 'Hooray For Me, To Hell With You' club travels en masse on holidays.
I'm in the right lane. Everyone to the right of me is not. There are at least 6 signs leading up to this point that tells them so.
All those folks to the right of me are blocking an exit lane and will shove themselves into formation at the mouth of the bridge.
They're so important and their families need them more than mine needs me.
We could PAY for actual, real healthcare if these asshats were ticketed and fined appropriately. A few Highway Patrol officers on the shoulder could have netted a fortune. Of course NJ Highway Patrol is far too busy following cars driven by black men.
Once over the bridge there was a wondrous moment ...
... brought to me by all the douche's who don't have EZ Pass. I know which lane will be open for EZ Pass only because in the 3rd grade I learned how to read. And I have an EZ Pass.
Apparently all the people without EZ Pass also do not read. Makes sense - if they did read they might know that the guvment can't read their thoughts through the little white box on their windshield.
I wish I could share photos of the rest of the trip. Staten Island and the entrance to the Verrazano Narrows Bridge are just so lovely. My favorite part is all those drivers who brake suddenly when they see the sign that says 'No Toll Maintain Speed'
I just couldn't find a moment to snap any as I was fighting for me life.
Once off the highway and thru the exit I was in Bay Ridge, Brooklyn. My brother thinks he's hot shit and moved out of Bensonhurst into Bay Ridge where they keep the snooty people. Not to be confused with Brooklyn Heights where they keep the snooty people who can read. In Bay Ridge they can only read money.
I got scared for a moment thinking I was being called into the light to explain why I used the word 'MotherF***er' on Christmas Eve ...
... but it was only the decor of my last hurdle ...
The main commercial strip of Bay Ridge. Mecca for triple parking and jay walking. Took me 20 minutes to travel 5 city blocks.
And not without incident. On block 4 I whacked the back end of a brand new Escalade (official vehicle of Brooklyn) with my passenger side mirror. Totally my bad - he was sticking out a mile into my lane with his parking lights on while the van behind me settled into my trunk as a woman with 4 children crossed my path against the light. What was I thinking!?
To his credit he waved me off with a "Merry Christmas Sweetheart, don't worry about it - it's fucking chaos here". I think he may have been Santa - or Jesus!
Upon entering my bros's little neck of Bay Ridge I was greeted with the subtle and environment respecting decor of his neighbors ...
My reward for my treacherous travels? Look who was there! Reading her Christmas book and waiting for Nana ...