Friday, October 12, 2012

My Election Season Savior

I hadn't realized how much better David Letterman makes me feel until last night's show. He always makes me laugh and smile and I think he's incredibly smart and sexy but last night he reminded me how much we think alike.

He's sick of the campaign. He comes up with all the ways that a billion dollars could be better spent.

I want to do what many other countries do. 6 week campaign. No ads. Set amount of money for each candidate.

Anyhoo

Last night he made me feel so much more comfortable with how negative I'm feeling toward our entire process of electing someone. Don't misunderstand me. I hate how this election highlights how divided we are and I detest how the media exploits that.

But I gotta be me.

And snark can be funny. Especially when it's so close to the truth.

I give you the man who wants to be the next Vice President. One heartbeat away from the Oval Office.


Not in a boy band
Not a black rapper
Not a ball player
Not a film director on set

Just a big ole Douche

Take it away Dave

Top Ten Thoughts Going Through Paul Ryan's Mind At This Moment

10. "These weights are 100 pounds each"
9.   "My biceps are cut like taxes for the wealthiest one percent"
8.   "Of course they won't publish this on the most important day of my political career"
7.   "My flaccid smirk will motivate Americans to get in shape"
6.   "What's the worst people will say about me and a photo of a dumbbell?"
5.   "There's no three-day waiting period at this gun show"
4.   "Please, please ask me to take my shirt off..."
3.   "Why are the people giggling?"
2.   "Please, please, ask me to take off my shorts..."
1.   "Maybe now people will take me seriously"

#6 is my favorite 

Thank You Dave


22 comments:

Jay Simser said...

I am with you. Now that I have voted I could care less and the ads are driving me nuts. The marking is gone off my mute button. At to Dave.. he is the only one I can consistently watch. He was certainly disturbed by Miss Lieu last night. Her left boob was almost falling out of that skimpy dress.

Sylvia K said...

Oh, I am SO WITH YOU, too! I'm so sick of the politics! I love Letterman, but I've been so disgusted with TV in general as well as the politics, I haven't even turned it on in days!! Lets just please get past these f-----g politics!! Hope you have a decent weekend! Hugs to Hope and you!!

Me and Sam Schnauzer

Mike said...

How many more days? 24?

OldLady Of The Hills said...

Oh Yes, Oh Yes! I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE Dave...! Like you, he makes me laugh and I sure do need a good laugh or two at the end of any day...! I LOVE his take on all of what is happening politically and I think he is Very Very VERY Smart, too!

Did you see him the night he had Jimmy Fallon on? I laughed so heartily---it felt WONDERFUL! Look on YouTube if you missed it---Not political...Just Hilarously Funny! (I think it was September 27th....)

I Too, cannot wait for this Election to be over....!
I'm with you, my dear Diane....!
And I LOVED that Top 10 on Ryan...! #6 is my Favorite, too...lol!

Marg said...

Oh thanks for this post. Glad someone else feels like I do. It is just terrifying, the political world. Take care.

DJan said...

Oh, those pictures say it all. Until I got to the list, and I laughed out loud at some of them. The scary part is that he actually MIGHT be our next Veep! Help!!!

ellen abbott said...

if R/R get elected this country will no longer be circling the drain, we will be flushed right on down. And I'm not talking about the economy (well, that too), I'm talking about separation of church and state and patriarchy. Two arrogant smirkers. Who knows. Maybe it's time so we can rebuild this country from the ground up...again. I'm with you on election changes. 6 weeks, no ads, set amount of money for each candidate. Well, we can dream, right?

Lowell said...

It's no wonder I like you. We think just alike! Letterman is good and doesn't pull any punches.

Thanks for your comments; the one on The Villages was interesting and I immediately thought, "She's so finny!"

Sorry 'bout that!

Pat said...

I don't usually share my political views on the internet, but I must say that I am scared if Romney wins. For him to go along and say one thing, and then totally turn it around at the debate and say another? WTF?

Grayquill said...

You hate how this election highlights how divided we are??? I don't think you hate it. Calling someone one a douche...really?

Ron said...

Dianne, I freakin' LOVE YOU, woman!

This post is so spot on! And I agree...#6 is my favorite. Bwhahahahahahahaha!

And there is something about his face that looks so utterly stupid. Like one of the seven dwarfs - DOPEY!

"I want to do what many other countries do. 6 week campaign. No ads. Set amount of money for each candidate."

Amen!

Fab post, dear lady!

X ya!

Akelamalu said...

It'll soon be over. :)

Ivanhoe said...

I voted already! Wish my TV knew it and stopped the ads :)
Hugs from Ohio,
I.

Linda Reeder said...

I love Dave, I love the list, I love your snarkyness. And I loved Joe Biden!

Gina Duarte said...

He's a dangerous little douche bag brat. I was glad Joe Biden kicked his arrogant ass. I like the Biden laugh. I'm off now to see what Joe looked like 20 years ago... ;-)

Letterman must have been born being funny.

HermanTurnip said...

"I want to do what many other countries do. 6 week campaign. No ads. Set amount of money for each candidate."

Although politically I don't agree with everything you say (but kudos for saying them), this quote from you is something I can definitely get behind. The entire election process is flawed and corrupt. Money should not make a campaign. It's the facts, not spin, that I want to hear. Give all parties an equal chance on equal footing and see who comes out on time.

Again, lets get they money out of politics!

Sallie (FullTime-Life) said...

Good for Dave, good for you! That was hilarious. I just don't watch TV anymore hardly at all. I've already voted my absentee ballot (for whatever good it will do in the State we're in) and I'm sick of the whole thing (and terribly worried too).

Daryl said...

thank you Dianne!

Reb said...

I must agree with you. Your countries elections take waaaaayyyyy too long. That being said, the longer they go on, maybe the more chance there is of the voters realizing just how stupid one of the candidates and his running mate are (is?).

I am sorry to hear your babies are not feeling well and that you aren't seeing Hope as much as you need. I hope everything improves for you soon.

joanne said...

I hadn't seem the piece, but so very glad you posted it! Don't you just love Letterman's list's?!

bobbybegood1 said...

OMG!! LMAO! You are priceless Lady Di. What a freaking great blog. I almost died from laughing. Can you imagine that guy as VP? I'm going to go live in Canada if that ever happened. Cheers!!

CrystalChick said...

Can't wait to VOTE! And it will be a vote against douches! GAH, I can't stand him or the other one. Please let it be over soon.