Thursday, January 3, 2008

What Will They Think Of Next!?

My Mother used to say that all the time - about power windows in the car, a food processor, a radio with an alarm clock built in - oh the convenience and sheer brilliance of our scientific times!

Mom was a little out of touch with the times - she made me promise to "never shoot marijuana into your veins" - I have always kept that promise.

I guess so much happens so fast these days that, compared to Mom, I'm jaded. I'm never surprised at what "they" thought of - but I am usually shocked at how little they actually thought.

Among my plethora of gifts this past December (birthday and Christmas) were the high tech items - new phones for home and office, a digital photo frame, and a digital photo frame key-chain.

I'm not a gadget person, not a techie person - I prefer to use stuff til it doesn't work anymore - hence the need for phones everywhere - It's not that I'm grumpy or cheap like Andy Rooney - it's that I prefer to not over consume the planet into an early death. Think of all the earth's resources wasted on needless stuff - so that we can cut one second off our texting time or microwave while watching TV without ever leaving the Laz-E-Boy.

My tech gifts are useful - the old office phone had so few functions that it made joining a conference call a feat akin to walking on water. The home phone was so old that the talk button only responded every other time and the poor thing would just die from exhaustion if I rambled too long. And the digital photo stuff brings more joy to my photography.

Like a little kid I anticipated opening (and actually using) all my shiny new stuff - I'm an intelligent businesswoman - I read complicated proposals, create excellent excel files - how hard could everyday instruments be!?

If you can't open the freakin' packaging you have nowhere to go but downhill - into an abyss of frustration and sorrow. Perhaps I don't need a phone - I'll just e-mail everyone and if an emergency pops up I'll run out to the driveway and scream - might as well find a use for those nosy neighbors.

With the help of a box cutter and upper arm strength I didn't know I had I did open my goodies. My son took pity on me and installed the phones - now I just have to figure out why the blue light keeps shining - the 300 page "easy quick reference guide" says the light indicates an incoming call - but no one is there - maybe a being from another world is trying to reach me.

The digital photo frame takes the memory card from my camera and creates a lovely slideshow for all to see. Of course the photos on the memory card are unedited and the power cord for the frame is way to short. Do any of you have an outlet within 12 inches of the top shelf of your bookcase!? Now I need a memory stick and a cord extender (NOT the same as an extension cord!) - Buck up poor unsuspecting Staples associate - here I come!

The digital photo key chain came with software - just load and run and take your treasured photos with you wherever you go. Gaze at them while driving, show them to strangers in the parking lot - how lovely that the carjacker can comment on how thin I look at my son's wedding before he stuffs me in my trunk. I'm not too worried though - the software CD they provided is "corrupt" - and it didn't even come from Washington! and the "instant help" website is unreachable. Oh Oh Oh - and I can't unfold the instructions properly - they're set up like a map that has been converted into an origami project. I could take them in the car with me and wait til I'm lost on a dark deserted road.

So what were they thinking!? and next time - could they think a little longer.



Jeni said...

Hmmm - how true! One thing that did enter my pea brain as I was looking over the camera selections before deciding to take the plunge and get the nice little Kodak digital after all was the fact I knew in advance that it would force me to use the "easy-share" Kodak software, at least initially, when I would take my pics off the camera to my computer. I already knew in advance too that I HATE misnamed programs, especially one called "Easy-Share" as I have yet to find a darned thing easy about understanding that puppy! Oh and my Mom's favorite utterance was "It's all happening because they put a man on the moon!" Yeah, right, Ma!

Theresa said...

My mom once made the comment she is just a simple women, all she every wanted was indoor plumbing, and running water (not quite sure if they are the same- but as I said she WAS a simple women) actually the whole family had a laugh over that one, since unlike your mom, my mom loves all the new gadgets.

I thought it was very commendable that you keep your promise to your mom and your "shooting up" habit in tack-that was a good laugh.

I do think you could give AR a run for his money.

Have a nice day and thanks for stopping by!

Dianne said...

Jeni - I've mastered the Easy Share software - just e-mail me if you need some help.

thanks for stopping by here too Theresa!

and update on the keychain - I managed to download the software and upload some pics - now we have to figure out how to make them slide into a show LOL

cathy said...

"Mom was a little out of touch with the times - she made me promise to "never shoot marijuana into your veins" - I have always kept that promise."


well not really milk but tea!

cathy said...

i finally got to the end of the post and i am still laughing. thanks!

Dianne said...

you're welcome Cathy :)

Cherie said...

And just for you general fund of information, Dr. Pepper stings like the dickens when it comes out of your nose. LOL

I like new gadgets to a certain extent. I just like to wait until they work all of the bugs out. ;) That's one of the signals. If I get it, it's no longer "cool". lol

Michael Manning said...

Dianne: Or how about receiving my new computer and still being in my pajamas 6 hours later! :) On the phones, you can actually buy refurbished Western Electric push button phones for $20 at Antique Shops or pay 4 times more on line. Land Lines always sound better than cell phones and they never drop calls:D

Dianne said...

Cherie thanks for the Dr. Pepper tip - let me tell ya Diet Coke will clear out your sinuses real quick and not in a good way.

I hope the computer is behavin' now Michael. And you're right about land lines - I have a cell for road emergencies only. Not a single number programmed into it, no bells or whistles.

Michael Manning said...


Lisa said...

That was a great post, Dianne. Absolutely brilliant. And so true!

"she made me promise to "never shoot marijuana into your veins" - I have always kept that promise."

LOL! I'm so glad to hear that. :-)

"how lovely that the carjacker can comment on how thin I look at my son's wedding before he stuffs me in my trunk. "

LOLOLOL! That was priceless. I love the way you think!

If it makes you feel any better, just before Christmas I was trying to help a friend set up the Wii he had bought for his kids. I'm pretty good with computers and this guy had been a chemistry professor at Vassar and we were like two of the three Stooges trying to figure it out. We finally determined that he didn't have the right cables and would have to make a trip to Radio Shack to finish the set up. It would seem any and all electronic gadgets require a trip to Radio Shack (or Staples). I'm convinced the electronic retailers and the product manufacturers are in cahoots. :-)