"Talking 'bout my boy"

Today is my son’s 35th birthday.

Look at that face! He still has the most genuine smile. His eyes still twinkle but as he got older the incredible cheekbones he inherited from his Dad became even more prominent.

He loved yellow and Sesame Street. Especially Ernie and Bert. His entire nursery school wardrobe consisted of Sesame Street character shirts – every character – every color.

Years later I would come to miss those shirts when his tastes turned to WWF and NASCAR. Thankfully that didn’t last long. I’m not a snob but Rowdy Randy Piper!! Come on.

The second photo is from his wedding two years ago. We danced to Lee Ann Womack’s ‘I Hope You Dance’. I insisted on the original version – I hate when the band singer tries to cover a song and add their own style. And this was a Greek band!! They were great and everyone had a wonderful time dancing but covering a pop country song – uh NO.





One aside – the schemata around my shoulders is because my dress was too big. I lost 12 pounds between the last fitting and the wedding and all the seamstress could do was put tiny little loops into the shoulders and hook them to my bra. Of course the loops broke during the ceremony. How fitting that I should be thinner than I’d been in years and have to shroud myself in tons of silver silk. I am a constant source of ironic amusement.

I chose ‘I Hope You Dance’ for the lyrics. They said so much of what I want for my son. I want the gentle, wondrous child he was to always have a strong place in his heart and soul.

I Hope You Dance lyrics
I hope you never lose your sense of wonder
You get your fill to eat but always keep that hunger
May you never take one single breath for granted
GOD forbid love ever leave you empty handed
I hope you still feel small when you stand beside the ocean
Whenever one door closes I hope one more opens
Promise me that you'll give faith a fighting chance
And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance
I hope you dance...

I hope you never fear those mountains in the distance
Never settle for the path of least resistance
Livin' might mean takin' chances but they're worth takin'
Lovin' might be a mistake but it's worth makin'
Don't let some hell bent heart leave you bitter
When you come close to sellin' out reconsider
Give the heavens above more than just a passing glance
And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance
I hope you dance ...

And he does dance …

He is a kind and gentle man. He once held up traffic and risked life and limb to move baby rabbits off the road and back into the woods. He tears up at sad movies (don’t tell anyone!). He charms everyone – especially older ladies. He is the first to go and shovel, to bring the trash out or to carry groceries for all our older neighbors.

Since I worked so much he was often home alone – our Brooklyn neighborhood was tight and everyone looked out. Of course there were the usual teenage adventures. The time they all cut school and hid out at my house. The time they decided to climb to the garage roof and build their own bungee jump. And the drinking beer and then truly expecting me to believe they had food poisoning as a way to explain the barf fest going on in my bathroom.

But never trouble with drugs or drinking and driving. He was usually the first boyfriend that Dads would allow their girls to be in a car with. His friend’s parents would call me to tell me he broke up a fight, he brought home a drunk, he gave away his last $10 so someone could get dinner.

It was a rocky start for my boy. His Dad never did much but let him down until he finally just disappeared. He had the pressures of being multi- racial and living in a closed minded neighborhood. He had a very young and inexperienced Mom who was trying to grow up herself while caring for an incredibly dysfunctional and wounded family. I know he carries some scars from those days. From the time, when he was 6 or 7, and a bunch of local morons tried to make him leave a pizza place by barraging him with the word Nigger. From the time he had to come to family court with me to try and stop his Grandfather from hurting his Grandmother anymore. From the day his Aunt decided to commit suicide and made him the last person she called.

From this rocky start a gem emerged. He has a quiet dignity that moves with him. He doesn’t say a lot and doesn’t get involved in silly daily strife but he will be there in the blink of an eye for anyone in trouble. He loves to tease but is never cruel. In all the years of difficult situations I can count on one hand the number of times he lost his temper. He is a peace maker. He accepts without judgment. He loves deeply.

One of my favorite moments is right after I took in Siren. Although my son loves animals he was put-off by how wild and unpredictable Si was. I misjudged my ability to control Siren and in their first meeting Siren bit my son – long and hard! Days later I overheard him whispering to Siren that he “understood”, that “it sucked to be lost and afraid”, he knew Siren “was angry” but he “was safe now, we’ll take care of you forever. So please – you’re giving Mom a heart attack. Just get the fuck over yourself” Again – you didn’t hear it here!

If there was one gift I could give my boy today it would be a magic mirror. I would hold it up for him to see the man I see. I guess that comes later – when he’s older. After all – 35 years is but a blink of an eye.