Saturday, September 20, 2008

I Love the Smell of Wordzzle in the Morning

It is a beautiful fall day!

The air is crisp and cool.

As I mentioned last week Finola gets hard to handle when she doesn’t get her words so I have done her 12th installment. I am just bridging this week. Pavarotti is still away shopping/drag racing and Finola couldn’t get to the manacles (yet) and …

Well we’ll see next week

Just to keep it fresh I did a stand alone 10 word and a mini.

10 word challenge: budget, news, outer space, gargantuan, brass band, Purple Rose of Cairo, polar bears, insight, innovations, mute

And for the mini challenge: investments, purring, death penalty, mercury, convalescent home

Please stop by RAVEN’S NEST and check out all the other Wordzzles.

Finola goes first -
Part 12

Finola came back from her trip to the ‘Back Lands’ exhausted. Ray’s incessant chatter had rendered her mute and the long drive into what felt like outer space had left her feeling achy and cranky. Cranky was not an emotion Finola handled well. It usually made her relive past traumas and without any mature professional insights into her feelings she was left to be and think and eventually act naughty.

“Do you want to watch some TV?” Ray asked as he muddled about the kitchen making yet another pizza. “The Purple Rose of Cairo is on The Movie Channel or we could just watch the news”. Finola took a deep breath, must control the cranky. “I have a gargantuan headache” she told Ray, “Whoever built those roads should be given the death penalty. Even in Pav’s new car the bouncing was horrible. I guess a redneck county like this one doesn’t have a budget for road work or any other 20th century innovations it seems”. Ray looked insulted. “I don’t think we’re rednecks”. Uh oh – cranky wasn’t being contained. Finola went over to him purring “I didn’t mean you sweets, that’s what struck me so about you; you’re so different from the locals”. Ray was more than soothed, it was so easy. “I feel like a brass band is playing in my head” Finola said as she rubbed his back. “If I don’t take a nap I’ll need to be taken to a convalescent home by morning”. Ray touched her head. “You do feel a little feverish. Maybe I should take your temperature; Pav must have a thermometer around here somewhere”. “Oh not a thermometer!” Finola shrieked, “They are full of mercury. Mercury kills”. The look on Ray’s face was priceless. “Mercury kills?” “Yes silly, why do you think the polar bears are all dead? It’s the mercury”. Ray continued to feel her forehead as though he could gauge her temperature with his bare hands. “I didn’t know thermometers killed the polar bears. I thought the bears were dead because of all the oil people. Ya know, the ones that fat guy talks about”. Finola pulled away from Ray’s touch. “Fat guy?” “Yeah, that fat guy who used to be Vice President. He made a movie. I saw it by accident, thought it was science fiction. Freaked me out to find out it was real. He said that investments in oil without a budget for green gas was causing the earth to heat up and then he showed all these melting polar bears”.

Finola’s fake headache became real as she turned away from Ray and headed for her room. Pavarotti better come home soon.

My mini -

Millicent Mercury sat on the porch of the convalescent home purring and then growling like a conflicted kitty. Her sweet son-in-law had done the best he could with her investments and that pleased her. However the greedy bastards on Wall Street had made it unlikely that she’d have much to leave her grandchildren. Wish I believed in the death penalty she thought to herself.

And last but not least – my 10 word

Sarah Palin put Fox News on mute, she really didn’t need to listen, she was just looking for more pictures of herself. Even she thought Hannity should be shot into outer space, his endless outrage was like listening to a bad brass band. She knew she should be working on the budget but it was hard to concentrate. Usually she enjoyed the gargantuan cuts she got to arbitrarily make. Insight & Innovation was a new program sponsored by Bob Buch. Bob made her hair hurt, he was such a ninny, always thinking about fire arms safety and education. Thank Baby Jesus he was one of just a handful of Dems in her state, she really didn’t have time for his pussy proposals.

Sarah grabbed a red pen and the TV remote. She would first slash Bob’s program to bits. By the time she was done it would look like even he supported the massacre of polar bears. Sarah tried not to grin, Cindy had explained to her how bad moving your face was. The camera adds 10 pounds and 10 years. “Just look at John” Cindy had exclaimed, “He looks like a fucking corpse”.

“Oh Jesus” Sarah yelled out loud. “I’m grinning again! God I am as stupid as they think I am, I can’t even control my face”. She took a deep breath and finished up her work. Then she grabbed the remote and started flipping through the online guide. She needed a movie to watch from the tanning bed. The first movie she came across was ‘Purple Rose of Cairo’. Hell No! she told herself. A Jew from New York? No way was she watching that crap. She vaguely remembered something about him marrying his daughter. Could that be? She’d have to get an intern to look that up; she really didn’t know how the Google worked. If it was true she could add it into a speech. She bet the folks in Kentucky would love to hear how the NYers married their kids. She continued her hunt for entertainment finally coming to rest on the 700 Club.

Sarah turned the TV stand around and settled into her tanning bed. The speech for Kentucky was writing itself. Just one last mental note; before mentioning the Jew she had to make sure Bristol’s future husband wasn’t also her cousin.

Please note that this is satire although I’d bet a whole lot of it is true to form. If you're one of those newly formed sensitive people - ya know the ones who slammed Hillary and now want to protect Sarah - well - it's satire, so get your panties out of a bunch and enjoy your weekend.
You too ladies!

I did check – she does have a tanning bed in her office. And poor Bob Buch is a real person. Bless his heart – he’s a Democrat. Alaska’s Dems even have a place where they can reach out and hope someone in the rest of the world hears them – stop by, send them some love. ALASKA DEMOCRATS

And there we are – another wordzzle for the record books.



Raven said...

I love all three. Sorry about Finola's headache. A little Palin bashing has to be therapeutic. I loved your "newly formed sensitive people" comment. Dead on. Great political wordzzling... and Finola and Mrs. Mercury too.

Akelamalu said...

LOL great stuff Dianne. The last one about Sarah Palin was just toooooo funny!

pabees said...

Loved your "must control the cranky"!!!
Great sense of humor!

Jay said...

Poor old Ray doesn't stand a chance against Finola.

Poor Sarah Palin. Couldn't tell the truth if it would work out better for her.

Jeff B said...

As much as I enjoy Finola's story, it's nice to see some different angles too.

I guess it's safe to say Palin won't be getting an invite for tea from you anytime soon!


Dianne said...

raven - I watched a compilation of Fox morons carrying on over things said about Palin and then watched taped of them saying those things about Hillary.
Jon Stewart has renamed McCain's campaign bus - it is now "Circular Talk Express"

akelamalu - thanks!! glad you laughed.

pabees - thanks :)
Finola is scary when she's cranky! I wonder who she gets it from.

jay - poor Ray is right. Finola will be the death of him - maybe, possibly, lol

jeff - thanks!! Some weeks the words just write themselves. One will strike me and it becomes the center.
I would love to meet Palin, I would truly love to hear how she justifies some/most of her policies. I'd be nice.
Stop laughing Jeff. ;)

Richard said...

Dianne: I think you went a little easy on the Palin chick. I'm going to do something later this week on the opinion post with a conversation between her, McCain and Bush.

As always, Finola muddles through. I like that about her.


bobbie said...

Sarah Palin? You are evil!

I much prefer Finola. Now there's a girl with purpose. (But just what is that purpose?)

bobbie said...

I always sign off before telling you, I think about you and that foot of yours a lot. How's it doing?

Lu' said...

I liked all three as well. Finloa walks a fine line doesn't she. Did I detect a Matt-Man reference?

Kimmie said...

Finola was cranky today and so was I! ;-) I just love this story. Great job on all three this week.

I am still on my blog break, but wanted to stop by to read your Wordzzles.

Hope your foot is feeling better!

Faye Pekas said...

Poor, poor Finola. That was some headache.

These are great. I'll have to get back to see what I missed while I was gone.

Anndi said...

Satire is one of my favourite forms of humour!


Dianne said...

rich - I love Finola and her "muddling" too. thanks :)

bobbie - but I am good evil lol
the foot is schlepping along. one more week and they'll hopefully change the cast to a boot and taking a shower won't then be a 2 hour process. I'm OK but I will confess to being a bit cranky lol
and I'm a lot like Finola when it comes to cranky.

lu' - I'm glad you liked :)
and I'm so glad you're part of the merry band now lol
the matt-man is always on my mind ya know, so maybe. where?

kimmie - enjoy the break :)
and thanks for the visit.

faye - I think 'gargantuan headache' is my new fave malady lol
so glad you're back LOVED the cow photos

anndi - thanks!! without satire and sarcasm I'd just be obnoxious ;)

Pagan Sphinx said...

Hey, Great Lady of New York!

I have given you a blog award in the spirit of solidarity with other left-of-center bloggers! How's that for a mouthful??!!

Come by my blog? :-)

Peace great tidings,

Ramblings of a Villas Girl said...

Hi Dianne! The Finola suspense is killing me. I don't have any finger nails left. Where will Finola go next? The big question. What will she do next? I know. I know. I'll have to wait until next week, but I gonna send you the manicure bill. lol

Glad to here that the cast will be coming off soon and Da Boot will be returning. Siren will be sooo happy.

Have a good Sunday and enjoy this beautiful sunny day. Lisa

RiverPoet said...


Peace - D

Dianne said...

pagan - that IS a mothful ;)

Lisa - I'd even through in a pedicure!! We could go together. I'll save money since it's just the one foot lol

riverpoet - thank you!!

Matt-Man said...

My dream is that one day soon Sarah will drink a Vodka/NyQuil Cocktail and slumber in her tanning bed for seven hours straight.

Burn Baby, Burn, Sarah Palin Inferno. Cheers Di!!

Leighann said...

You're cooler than cool, doll!

Dianne said...

matt-man - wouldn't it be hilarious if she hit the campaign trail darker than Barack! Ahhhh sweet justice.

leighann - you know what 'doll' does to me ;)

Dr.John said...

All three stories were well done. The only problem with the Palin parody is there are those out there who will believe it to be true and more half truths and untruths will end up in the internet lore.

Michael Manning said...

Relationships are like investments. Some have "long-term growth possibilities" and others you hold short. Speaking of bwa-ha-ha, I'm purring with delight that 9-year old "Jordan the Cat" was adopted from a local puppy store. Protesters on weekends picket the place threatening the death penalty or mercury oisoning after Oprah's recent show on pupy mills. A friend and I visited but we are not sure this convalescent home for new puppies realy constitutes a mill or not. What we DO know is that ASPCA shelters are better than $1,900 puppies. So, maybe Oprah was right!

Dianne said...

dr. john - believe it or not I thought of that which is why I included my little "this is satire..." of course far too many people never read all the way and never read the fine print.

michael - I adore you for your endless mission for homeless animals. And I wish you'd add a page to your site for creative writing. You're very good.