Wednesday, January 14, 2009
Woe? Oh No!
After I read my ‘head banging’ story from Saturday’s post I had a revelation.
I’m most comfortable talking about myself when I can be funny or when I can report overcoming some obstacle – the triumph syndrome.
Now there really isn’t anything wrong with that. Humor has always been an important part of my life – laughter heals. And who doesn’t like and need a bit of triumph.
The thing is it is not the whole story.
I think I’m an open person. Ask me a question I’ll give you an honest answer. I don’t have any airs about me and I remember where I came from. So I ask myself why have I been less than open lately. And could ‘stifling myself’ be the root cause of my fiction writing block.
But I love to share. So what is it that has me avoiding myself.
Denial. A bit.
Overwhelmed. A lot.
My business and the economy and my health have all joined forces to create the perfect storm. A storm of magnificent proportions that is wreaking havoc with my head, my heart, my soul.
It is sucking the joy out of anticipating my grandchild to be.
It is making me feel older than my years while managing to make me feel like I have not learned a damn thing in all this time.
What happens when the survivor isn’t too sure she can survive the next round of challenges. Can she vote herself off the island.
What becomes of the funny girl who doesn’t think it’s funny.
How does ‘Earth Mother’ nurture others when she feels she doesn’t know how to nurture herself.
Notice I left out the question marks. That’s intentional. I don’t need or want answers yet. I need to fully form all the questions first. It occurred to me that my sudden unusual bout with being accident prone could be my psyche telling me something. Stop beating yourself up. Take better care of yourself. Stage an accident and let the kids have the insurance money. Who the hell knows.
I’m not sure where this current line of thought is going. I do know that many of us are experiencing the same sort of feelings. We’re losing jobs, our kids are getting laid off, our unemployment is running out, we’re less than hopeful about the hope we voted in …
I think I may explore this for a bit. If you’d like to share please do so in the comments. We get some wonderful conversations going round here and I value that.
Don’t worry about me! Don’t feel sorry for me! I really truly hate that.
Suddenly I have all these songs running through my head. The Circle of Life. I Will Survive. Anything Joni Mitchell.
Don’t Cry For Me Argentina.