Thursday, April 9, 2009

Half Here ...

... and not all there.

I haven't visited many of you lately - I'm sorry and I miss you.

I also have a bunch of scintillating posts started but not a single one is publishable as is. Things are a bit chaotic at the moment.

My son and his wife have painting and carpentry going on in preparation for new baby - July 1 is headed at us fast.

Even though the work is all being done on their side of the house the mess and disruption manages to spill over. We're also making room in my basement office for my son's desk and computer set-up.

I hope I'm in the home stretch of the disability application process. My medical records are in the hands of their doctors and the last few documents they asked for are actually things I have since I know what they are.

Of course this doesn't include the part of the process that involves the state - this is my private policy - but I truly can't think about that right now.

I normally don't sleep much but I have really not slept this week. This has added to the fuzzy head and lackluster creativity.

My ankle swelled up again last week and I had to bite the uninsured bullet and go see the doctor. Seems it is "disproportionately deformed" and my knee is so far out of place it could be on someone else's body. Charming.

I need knee joints replaced and reconstructive surgery on the ankle and most likely need hip replacement as well. Hip Replacement!? That's so Liza Minelli.

As if on cue I came back from the doctor and pulled yet another muscle in my back. This is a chronic problem brought about by my "deformities" - I am not an animal - and by the pressure put on an already curved spine from my "compromised gait" - maybe I'm a horse?

So it leaves me a wee bit uninspired and makes computer time tiring.

And that's about all I got at the moment.

I do know that there is always light at the end of the tunnel - even if it's just the oncoming train.

49 comments:

Ivanhoe said...

I sure hope it's not an uncoming train, Di. Hang in there, please! I hope you can get the disability soon and Madicare/aid can cover your replacements - no matter how many of them you need.
((hugs))

Bond said...

Hang tight Di....From someone who lived under a dark cloud for 4 years, I can tell you the sun does come back out.

Something is going to change for you soon...and it will be for the better.

CG said...

You are having such a rough time...I admire you so much for your strength and guts!

Thom said...

Just be strong my friend. You have got great strength...the blog will remain and we will stay :)

bobbie said...

No train! You're going to get through this! Just hang on tight, Dianne. It must seem sometimes as if it will never end - but it will.

And just think - soon there will be a new little person to dote on. That will take over everything else!

Akelamalu said...

Well you know I can recommend a knee replacement and the hip replacement has given my 84 year old father a new lease of life so I'd say go for it Dianne. :)

Mahala said...

*hugs* girlfriend. Just tie a knot and hang on!

Betty said...

That's not a train - it's the sun that will come out tomorrow. Hang in there.

kenju said...

I hope things improve for you very soon!

Lisa said...

Knee surgery, ankle surgery and hip surgery??!! Oy!!! I'm so sorry, Di! I'm sure it must be especially frustrating having to go through all of this with a grandkid on the way. . . Know that I'm thinking of you and sending good vibes--and maybe chocolate? :)

Take care of yourself and let me know if there's anything I can do to help.

Love ya!

Lisa

byrningbunny said...

I always tell Wubby, take a deep breath . . .

Good times must be headed your way soon. I hope for you that you get some uninterrupted sleep, first of all. That fuzzy feeling makes everything seem worse!

Getting some help here. My little man sends you his best wishes too.

Jackie said...

I'm not sleeping brilliantly right now. When I wake up at 4am tomorrow morning I'll send you some (bleary-eyed but heartfelt) good vibes from across the Pond. Here's hoping the disability bureaucracy sorts itself out very soon.

Richard said...

Dianne: I for one am pissed off to beat the band that God, the fates, destiny or what the fuck ever is still messing with you.

They can all just kiss my ass!

Tell them to leave you alone, let you rest, recreate and write without any further ado, or I will be forced to come over there and deal with them.

There, I've warned them. Look for things to get better immediately.

Rich

meno said...

Someone needs to come up with a better design for knees and hips. I wonder if Google or Amazon could look into that.

Sleepypete said...

Hang in there !

Hmm - maybe hanging would do some good. I'm still on the lookout for a grab bar I can use to lift myself up in the hope that hanging from it will straighten the kinks in my back :-)

Nessa said...

I hope things get better for you soon.

Jeni said...

When I first was diagnosed with the big "C" -I was on unemployment, had no insurance, no savings either of course.(Suzy What's Her Face and all her be damned, ya know. Who can save anything when you are living payday to payday on next to nothing?) Anyway, the state here put me on the state med program which covered almost every penny of my chemo, radiation, surgery, physical therapy when my back went south, etc.) for about 18 months until the SS Disability finally came through. Thank goodness for that medical help. The SS takes a good while to come through and just hope and pray you can hang in there for that. But once you do get that, make sure you also get yourself a supplemental insurance plan because Medicare only pays a percentage of the expense of doctors/hospitals/lab/therapy, etc.
Just know that there are a whole lot of us praying and pulling for the very best for you, girlfriend -and make it snappy is my response to the state and SS in the process!
Peace.

Jay said...

Just keep marching forward. Things will get better eventually. Just hang in there babe. ;-)

Ron said...

Hi Dianne!

Just know that with this comment, I'm sending you LOTS of good energy, hugs, and a TON of love!

{{{{{{{XXXXXXXX}}}}}}}}

Lu' said...

Damn I wouldn't be blogging either I'd be too busy oulling my hair out :) I do know that there is always light at the end of the tunnel - even if it's just the oncoming train. That phrase is perfect!

would-be Themis said...

Sending you lots of good vibes, love and hugs from The North. You never know, if it is an oncoming train, it may just be coming to pick you up.

Luv ya and miss ya!

steph.

Matt-Man said...

Is that all you do , whine? Holy Cow. Cheers Di!!

Mrs. C said...

*sniff*

I don't even know what to say. I hope it's just the paint fumes talking. Hope you are ok. I am reading a lot of very discouraged posts lately and you are not alone. I don't know what it is. :[

Travis said...

Well that just sucks. Hang in there.

~Just Me Miranda~ said...

Like everyone says hang in there, it will get better (((BIG HUGS)))

the walking man said...

Now is the time for all good drugs to come to the aid of their Dianne. You do know there is more to them than the recreation of our youth eh?

Find the greatest strength generic pain killers (Walgreens/Wal-Mart $4 generic programs) and use the damn things kiddo. They are a good bridge for chronic pain...or come to MI which is now taking apps for the use of medical weed. One qualifying factor is chronic pain...damn I knew I had that implant too soon!

Personally the Oxy's are good but I like the Demerol better.

Katie said...

I hope you get better!! Have you been to a chiropractor at all? I'm sure you've tried everything but maybe that would help bring you some relief. Lots of love!

Daryl said...

I am just going to send you a lot of hugs since I know there really is not much to say other than GAWD DAMN IT

Reb said...

So, you meet the train and kick it's ass! It is really very tiny compared to all it has taken to get through the damned tunnel. And get through you will - hugs dear Dianne!

Border Explorer said...

I'm sorry that there is so much stress and suffering going on in your life. I wish it were different.

Raven said...

Oh, my! What a time you are having. So sorry about that. Glad though that you are moving through the disability process. Hopefully when that's behind you a lot of stress will go with it.... and then you have the joyful stress of your first grandchild coming too. Better days are right around the corner. Feel free to call me and complain about the present if you want to.

Patti said...

Ralph might be able to answer any disability insurance questions Dianne. Sorry you have been going through so much with your health.

Like the others said, this won't last. Better days are coming...especially with grandmotherhood fast approaching!

;-)

Ralph said...

Nobody should live with the pain you endure. But we complain about such trivial things while you deal with more and more but never complain about it. Inspiring!

I am back on the SSDI, which I guess you are applying for. I'm hoping for the best for you, and hope the doctors get the application correct. Get pain free, so we can meet sometime!

Ivanhoe said...

Hi Di:
I just wanted to say Happy Easter & let you now that I had to move. You can find me at: http://ohiowithlove.blogspot.com/

Linda Reeder said...

OK, I'm not complaining about my maladies again for 24 hours. Compared to yours, they're nothing.
Sending you warm thoughts and good wishes.
Linda

Cherie said...

Oh my darling girl! :hugs (albeit gently) ;)

Your EG Tour Guide said...

All the best, Dianne. Hope you feel better soon...very soon.

Bob-kat said...

Yeah, I've met that oncoming train once or twice! I sincerely hope that in your case it is something a whole lot more pleasant. Fingers crossed for your application to go smoothly.

Take care of you {hugs}

Lisa said...

This post could so be written by me right now... I think I'll just swipe it and repost it on my own blog. lol.

I miss you too!!

Lisa said...

Ok... I guess I would have to replace the med issues with my own personal dramas... but you get it...

Pouty Lips said...

Have you seen the book jacket Hilary designed for you? It's very creative.

Hilary said...

Darn! Poor you.. I'm sending warm, healing thoughts your way. I hope you feel much better soon.

Sparkling Red said...

Ai ai ai! I can't imagine... But I do want you to know that I remember you in my prayers even though you've been a bit off the blogging radar lately.
Just take it one day at a time. At least you have the joy of your grandchild to look forward to. :-)
(((Hugs)))

Cloudia said...

We care about YOU!
Aloha

Kelly said...

Oh Dianne, I'm so sorry that you're having to go through this. I've been there, done that! It will get better, it may not seem like it right now, but it really will. At least you have a little grandchild that you can look forward to, and you will be so special to him/her as he/she will be to you! Remember, like the "light at the end of the tunnel", "when it seems like your at the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on!" I've tied a lot of knots and it gets you through to brighter days! It's hard, believe me, I know! My prayers and love are with you!!!!

Sylvia K said...

I'm late getting here because for some reason I couldn't access several blogs -- no idea??? But I wanted to let you know how much I feel for you because I do know what you are going through. I have severe curvature of the spine, crappy knees, fortunately that's all, but I know how hard it can be to get around sometimes, I wonder where the money is going to come from if and when I need more serious help. I know what all of this physical crap can do to one's mental and emotional state. Just wanted you to know how much I care and that I'm thinking of you and holding good thoughts, and I'm always here as a friend, a listener, whatever!! Be kind to yourself! Much love to you.

Anndi said...

Mamma,

I'm hunting through my e-mails for your number. Gonna give you a call.

*hug*

Linda said...

Obviously I'm a little late in getting here as I've been kind of taking a blog hiatus myself as of late (there just seems to be so many other things to do plus I've been biting my tongue on so many other things) but I did want to stop by and wish you well with all of this. I can so sympathize with the back pain and easily pulling something without even doing anything. I'm not ready for hip replacement yet but at an appointment with my ortho doc last week he said that there are some issues with my L3-L4 region and he wants me to go to physical therapy for awhile.

Getting old sucks ...

Hope that light at the end of the tunnel is just that - light - and certainly not an oncoming train! If it is, though, flatten yourself against the wall and don't move until it passes and you'll be fine (though probably deaf on top of everything else!).

diane said...

Sorry to hear of your predicament.Heal soon.