How's that for a title?
Never ever a dull moment folks. The vet gave me this stuff called 'NoSorb' to get a urine sample from Mia. It is supposed to mimic the feel of litter but it won't absorb the liquid.
Well that's just fine if cats weren't suspicion squared and psychotically addicted to habit. Then again - think about it - how would you feel if you walked into your bathroom in the middle of the night and someone had swapped toilets. Cause for pause?
I emptied and cleaned her litter box - which is a lot like trying to make a sandbox spotless. And then I sprinkled in the magical crystals and held my breath - asking the goddess of urine samples for a good one.
Since I never sleep I'm aware that 3 AM is usually one of Mia's favorite litter times. At 3 on the dot I set up my stakeout at the litter box - which involved draping myself over my bed post in exhaustion while trying to look casual - cats read body language. All I could think of was - blend Dianne blend, followed by - pee Mia pee.
After 15 minutes my back couldn't take the position and Mia was freaked out by my casualness so I left. At 4:30 - I must have slipped into a coma - I hear tiny scratching sounds and I run (which is a comical sight on its own) to the litter box.
There is Mia - outside the box - scratching her little daisy covered litter mat and staring into the box like a woman who has just discovered her home has been robbed. She stares deep into my eyes and the conversation goes something like this ...
Me - Just go in and pee, it's OK
Mia - this is NOT my litter, haven't I been through enough?
Me - I need a urine sample Mia - we have to make you better
Mia - well figure out a better way
Me - well then pee in a cup! we'll have a sample and we'll get to go on Letterman
Mia - I thought you loved me
Me - Yeah!? Well I thought you loved me
I put her in the box and she freezes. Then she tries to jump out. I put her back in. She gets out. I put her back.
This entire dance is made even more comical by the fact that both of us can barely move.
I ease myself down onto the floor - with a lot of murmuring "Oy" and then a sudden thump as I realize how hard my hardwood really is.
Mia is intrigued. Perhaps the person will pee in the foul new litter and that will be that.
I put her back in the box and grab her favorite mouse toy and begin to do a "pee-pee" song for her. I channel Babs Streisand and belt out - "On a clear day, we can pee forever" while I make the mouse do a dance over her head.
The sheer beauty of my performance, the touching poignant quality of my song made her bladder release in joy!
The sun was rising over the hilltops (rooftops of the trailers behind my house) and the birds were singing (garbage trucks) and all was right with the world.
We have urine!
The goddess is good.