Wednesday, May 6, 2009

Wednesday's Wandering Words

I have a few things clanging around in my head so I thought if I emptied them out I might have better focus.

I hate the blog roll on my sidebar. Actually I’ve never liked it. It’s a pain to keep up to date and I’ve always wondered who looks at it anyway. I have never found a new blog through a sidebar list. I either see a comment that intrigues me and I check out the blog or I follow a link in a post and discover someone I enjoy reading.

Two perfect examples of this are BUSTER and THORNE.

I found Buster at DARYL’S place. He is an adopted puppy sharing his life in NYC with an ever growing devoted following. His Mum and Dad seem like wonderful people, she has a great PLACE as well. In fact she's hosting an upcoming Haiku Festival so check it out. Sometimes blogging pets can get too cutesy for me but Buster keeps it real and is a wonderful spokesdog for adopting.

Through my friend PAGAN I found THORNE. She’s a kindred spirit. I’m going to talk more about Thorne in upcoming posts. She is a gardening goddess and a political ally and her blog reflects so many wonderful eclectic subjects.

So – I think I’m going to get rid of the blog roll. This will free up space for badges and links to things that are important to me. I plan on regularly posting about blogs I love and including links to people who are writing about subjects I feel passionate about. Quality, not quantity.

Mia is a pain in the butt! She hates the new diet she’s on and is not shy about letting me know. She stomps around each morning waiting for her usual stuff and then gives me this look when I put down the new food ...

She’s also a bit shaky and that makes me anxious. There’s always been a question of whether she has neurological issues and the stress of being to the vet so many times and a change in her routine has made her a bit more batty.

I continue to give lots of TLC and think good thoughts.

Speaking of anxiety – my disability claim is still under review and money is a constant concern. Just yesterday they asked for something that I sent them weeks ago. I sent it again. Each tiny step appears to have weeks of review in between. Wouldn’t it be wonderful if all of us could work that way?

My ankle and knees hurt more than ever and I know physical therapy would help but without medical insurance that is not possible. I need to begin the process of applying for Medicaid or whatever other state aid I’m supposedly qualified for. Ask 10 agencies and you get 20 answers. I have worked since I was 13 years old. At one point when I was barely 18 I supported myself, my baby and my siblings. Asking for help is not something I am good at.

All this stress has caused a lot of tension on the home front. I have started and stopped many posts on this subject. I’m not good at telling a story without telling the whole story and since this story involves writing about other people I find myself flummoxed at the moment. I will say that my son’s reaction to my current situation is a huge disappointment to me. My DIL and I barely speak and that is heartbreaking to me since my grandchild will be here in just a few weeks. I can’t help but feel that my value here was in my working 2 jobs and contributing enough to make their lives more comfortable. I was never home and bills were always paid. Now that’s changed and so have they. I’d love to talk to the shrink about that but without the insurance I have stopped seeing her.

Enough of that. I’m getting on my own nerves again. Let’s conclude on a silly note.

WTF was with Ty the wooden cowboy making it into the Dancing With the Stars finals over Lil’ Kim. That’s insane. Who is his fan base? Or was it Jewel’s (his wife) fans? Or is that rappers aren’t mainstream prime time TV? The studio audience was shocked and I heard many boos. I won’t argue that Ty improved over the weeks and I suppose he has a regular guy appeal but I’m sorry – he’s boring and bland beyond belief and I continue to despise what he does for a living.

Happy Hump Day kids.

I'm gonna grab my cane and go out and play in a puddle.


Bryan said...

I agree with you on Ty getting pushed thru and Lil Kim getting the boot...shame shame...

My heart, thoughts and prayers to you!

Daryl said...

Not a DWTS watcher ... so I dont know Ty from Jewel

I hope the rest of the 'stuff' gets better .. fast xo

Reb said...

Fingers crossed that things with the insurance come through soon. Sorry about the tension at home, I hope that will sort itself out soon too.

~Just me again~ said...

I'm crossing my fingers for you too. I feel your pain about the tension at home. Sometimes it feels as if you do everything and anything, and they just cant see it.

Micky-T said...

Can you go to one therapy session and then work really hard at doing the therapy the best you can on your own? Just so your not going backwards and losing more mobility.

Dianne said...

bryan - it was a real shame!!
and thanks for the good thoughts

daryl - xo to you too sis ;)
Ty is a rodeo star and Jewel is a folk singer - I think she's gone too far country since she married the cowboy

reb - I hope so too, thanks. Sometimes people need to sort thru troubling times and find themselves - I think that's what is going on

just me - thank you :)
I am hoping they start experiencing my circumstances in terms of how it affects me, not them. I guess that takes time.

micky - I am doing some stuff that I learned from the last time I had similar issues. Unfortunately this time around I lost the insurance right before my PT evaluation plus I need surgery so now the PT place won't see me without a full work-up - MRI, X-Rays, etc - and that has to wait for coverage. God Bless America Mick - and people say I'd have to wait if we had universal healthcare!! hell - I've been waiting since Dec 1.

Lisa said...

What a terrible painful process you have to go through to "prove" you can barely walk. There HAS to be a better way.

But it's not surprising about the kids' attitudes, I suppose. Children are just naturally ungrateful. I just spent 5 days taking care of my sick daughter, waiting on her hand and foot, fixing her anything she wanted to eat, refreshing her drinks with ice, making sure she took her medications on time, etc., etc., and yesterday, when I asked if she could do her chores (since she was feeling 100% better) you would have thought I had asked her to walk across America cleaning toilets as she went along.

Children think parents were put on this earth to serve them and, like the energizer bunny, we should be able to just keep going--without a thought for ourselves. Hell, even robots need juice to run on and a tune-up once in a while. But parents, well, they should be all-powerful. . .doormats. LOL!

Although, in your case, maybe it's not so much that they are being self-centered as they are not dealing well with seeing you "age" before their very eyes?? Just a thought.

Hang in there, Di! My thoughts will be with you. . .

Thorne said...

Hey woman! Thanks for the shout-out! I feel ya on the healthcare. I waited 4 months for an appt only to have the doc say "here's some meds, come back when you have insurance", and "it's really hard to get disability for FMS". LMFAO And now spoiled kids are givin' you hell? Grrr. I'm sorry. I'm not one of these "don't hit" parents- I'm old school and when they start that crap I wish you could just rock their self centered worlds "crack"! Poor Mia. (witchy advice: put a piece of citrine in her drinking water)

bobbie said...

I like your blogroll plan. Have often thought of that myself.

I'm sorry about Mia.Poor thing doesn't understand what's going on in her life.

So wish I could help with the insurance woes. That kind of thing seems endless and so frustrating. Can only offer sympathy. At this point, if it was me, I'd probably toon it. I keep doing that lately. It seems to help in a weird way. Maybe you could return to Finola's story, and take it out on insurance perosnnel in the story. - No help at all, I realize. Sorry.

Jay said...

If you get rid of your blogroll I'll get rid of mine. I haven't updated it in months. It's such a pain in the butt and totally useless.

I'm thinking just giving shout-outs to bloggers that I've just recently found is better than a blogroll anyway.

You did the right thing by just sending the info again. If they say they don't have something you won't make any progress trying to convince them that they do. Such a ridiculous process.

I haven't been watching DWTS, but I'm surprised by Ty's popularity too. It doesn't make sense. Hell, even Jewel isn't that damn popular anymore. And the it doesn't seem like the animal abusing demographic would be big enough to carry Ty this far.

Hmmmm ... *puts on tinfoil hat* Must look into this conspiracy further. ;-)

Sparkling Red said...

That's some killer look Mia is giving you! If only she could appreciate the love behind her new diet.

I'm sorry to hear that your family isn't supporting you emotionally at this difficult time. I have a close friend who went through a similar issue - and her family completely let her down. She had to almost beg them just to get a lift to the grocery store so she could get something into the house to eat. It breaks my heart.

Thom said...

ROFLAMO about Mia. I can so picture her doing that. Put Mama through hell and then get to be bitchy about what she wants to eat. LOL. I'm sorry to hear about your therapy and all the bullshit you have to put up with. I went through that with a problem at work about 7 years ago. One thing Dianne that worked tremendously for me was Aqua Therapy. It worked when nothing else did after my surgery. Try and look into my friend. It's more expensive I think and my insurance company balked but finally ended up paying. It so helped me.

I'm sorry to hear about your kids. We become so dependent on our parents and just expect them to always be there for us and take care of everything. Hopefully it will all work out for you. All I can say is think positive all the time. When you are feeling well about yourself it it spills over to everyone else. Take it one day at a time and as well as talk...listen to them as well. I know you know all this. :)

DWTS...WTF is right. It's the same thing with AI. It's a popularity contest and that's all it is. I have liked how humble Ty is and he takes the critiques every week. He acknowledges his faults and works on it. But as for dancing, he is wooden and not as smooth and fluid as any of the rest. Shawn to me is to hard and stiff as well. But he should have gone a while ago. I say a start to a solution to this would be to only let each phone number have one vote and one vote only. Same with email address. And if you have a blocked phone number it wont be registered.

Hang in there and I send you all the sunshine from Hawaii I can to help keep you upbeat and positive.

Aloha :)

Hilary said...

I'm so sorry things are on the difficult side for you right now. I hope your family will open their eyes some and be more understanding of your needs. You're not used to asking for help, but those are the people you should be able to turn to. Maybe you do need to ask - maybe they just don't get it. I hope the insurance issues get sorted out and that you can find your way to less pain. I'm thinking best thoughts for you, Dianne and sending them your way. Oh, and that cat look.. sigh!

Ivanhoe said...

Are you telling me that your son & DIL are mad that you are not bringing home the doe & stick around being sick? I hope I misunderstood. In my books - they should be taking care of you, not the other way around.
Hang in there, my friend. Sending lots of positive thoughts, good vibes & hugs to you and Mia!

Dianne said...

lisa - I can always count on you to find a better answer/reason/solution - made me smile remembering when you would calm me on the forum when I went into one of my rants :)
you're so wonderful that way
your kiddo at least has her age as an explanation - my "kids" are adults! although you're right - Jeffrey has given signals that all I'm going thru scares the crap out of him and he's already in panic mode what with the economy and a baby coming
love ya Lisa for the gentle, calm soul you are

thorne - I hope folks really do check out your blog - it's so freakin' interesting in your world ;)
I will check into the citrine, thanks! I'm also going to try that site you turned me on to.

bobbie - I'm so glad you like the blog roll idea! Mia is confused LOL and when she is she's so difficult. I wish I knew what had happened to her before me, I have this gut feeling that there are other issues at play with her.
With Siren I knew so much more about him - his past was short and easy to guess at and his wounds were obvious.

jay - but your horned helmet on, then the tin foil - it'll be more powerful that way
It's so cool that you want to de-blogroll too!! Every time I think of it I always think of how frustrated you are too
Shout outs are the best - I found Matt-Man because of you. For the life of me I can't remember how I found you - Leighann maybe? I miss her
So let's hold hands (or other interesting body parts) and take the plunge together!! Wanna set a time? ;)

sparkling - Mia gives the most amazing looks! that's why I have always called her fierce
I feel for your friend. When I had the cast on my neighbors did so much more for me than anyone else.

thom - thank you for the sunshine, we could use some.
Mia really does stomp, as tiny as she is, she sounds like Germans marching from a really bad war movie
I am staying as much in the moment as I can and I am also remembering to be grateful for all that I do have - there are so many with bigger problems and less resources, it's important to be grateful
Remember when that Cheetah Girl got eliminated!? She was an amazing dancer - that's when I really saw the power of the viewer voting machine

hilary - thank you lady :)
that Mia look does make me sigh - I wish she could speak human, or I could speak better cat ;)

ivanhoe - as ugly as it sounds you pretty much hit it on the head and said it better than I had the heart to. I do believe this is a momentary bad reaction to stress but basically they have just flat out let me down.
hugs Ivanhoe - you're a good friend :)

Mrs. C said...

Dianne, I'm so sad to read this!!!

And you're looking so forward to this new little one, too. I hope things work out ok!

And on the diet. Bleh, isn't Woodjie all mad when he can't get what HE wants, too!! Stick with it though. I have to blog about this but he gained THREE POUNDS in two weeks! He had been losing before despite being fed every day (duh, but you know that look sometimes doctors give!)

What they tell me is that having allergies, even mild ones to food, will prevent nutrients from being digested and absorbed properly.

I never would have believed it if I hadn't seen it. Hang in there.

Linda Reeder said...

I'm sorry that you are in so much pain, physically as well as in your family relationships.
It's hard for our kids to look back and share their parent's pain. They tend to look forward, to their own kids, just as we did. I know you will find a way to be close to that new grandchild when it arrives.

Nessa said...

Disability settlements do take so long. I hope yours settles soon.

Patti said...

I'm sorry to read you are having so many physical and family problems, Dianne.
I can't say anything any better than the others have said.

Like Linda, I know you will be a huge and important part of the baby's life. You're going to be a wonderful grandmother ~

Raven said...

Ah, the blog roll. I've been brooding about updating mine but it seems like so much work that I keep procrastinating. I like it mostly because it makes it easy for me to visit people i like to see but it's so out of date at this point that many of the people I want to visit aren't on it.

Glad Mia is holding her own and hope she gets stronger with the passing days. Have you ever given your cats brewer's yeast? I put it on top of the girl's food - good for fur and discourages fleas - and they love it. Katrina and Abby sometimes would eat the yeast and leave the food.

You have my sympathy with the disability folks. It's a nightmare process even when it goes smoothly. They lost my papers. At least they admitted that they had lost them. They were logged in, just missing. Meant I had to write away for a new copy of my birth certificate and other things. But in the end I got what I needed. Sorry about your pain too. Constant pain and trouble walking are not fun even if everything else is hunky dory.

You have my sympathy about your DIL and son too. Some of it may be the whole pregnancy thing. I think that may have been part of why my time in AZ went so badly. They were full of hormones and anxiety and fear and cheer about upcoming and then new parenthood. Sorry you are going through all that and hope that it resolves it self soon.

Sending hugs. This too shall pass.

Michelle O'Neil said...

Your cat has a "you've got to be kidding me" expression. So cute.

Hope you are feeling better soon.

Travis said...

OH! Can I come over and jump in puddles with you?

Well, maybe there won't be any jumping. Jumping can cause me to lose my balance and then I'd fall. We don't need that.

So what if I came over and just stomped in the puddles? That would be ok I think.

Hang in there on all fronts darlin.

Liberality said...

Diane, you are in my thoughts and prayers. I know that for me asking for help is not always easy. As for getting on disability, the government makes it deliberately hard and slow because that does discourage some people and denies benefits to those who rightfully need it. Hang in there and keep fighting the good fight! Peace be with you.

gabrielle said...

Lil Kim is a woman who is not afraid of her sexuality. But other people are. Just a theory. I am thoroughly disgusted, but not surprised.

Disability. The name of the game is to wear you down. Take a deep breath and send them the information again. If it’s one thing I know you’ve got in spades, it’s stamina. Rooting for you! Hope it comes through soon so you can begin to address your very real health needs.

As for the internal deep freeze. Sounds like it’s very complex, especially with the baby coming soon. Try not to take things personally. I know it’s not easy to do, but consider letting them know what your expectations are of them. Hard to reset roles (parent:child, adult:adult) when the patterns are entrenched. But they have to grow up sooner or later. Parenthood is a good kick in the pants.

Sending much love.

OldOldLady Of The Hills said...

I'm sorry to read you are in so much pain physically as well as financially, and I think your son & DIL's attitude is rather shocking and I would imagine, deeply hurtful to you, my dear....

On a little lighter mote...I completely depend on my Blogroll and my comments, of course...So, for me, I need my Blogroll, desperately....As to meeting new people through other people's blogrolls, when I firat negan blogging I LOVED kind of seeing a name that was interesting and going to it....And in fact, I discovered many people that way, but that was early on, before I had any kind of Blog Buddies....!

I haven't been watching DWTS at I am unfamiliar with the "players"....What is it that that guy does that you dislike so? I am fascinated....!

the walking man said...

I don't use my blogroll to refer others but I do use it as quick tabs on my daily journey.

Love Jewels voice...wish her lyrical content would grow up a bit though...

Son & DIL...if they ain't a part of the solution then they are a part of the problem...time to rearrange the evolving hierarchy me thinks.

Government is ponderous as hell kiddo but hang in it will all work out soon.

Matt-Man said...

I think blogrolls are really space wasters. That's why I took an old post, deleted it and put my blog links on that. That's all I've got today. Oh, by the way, I'm typing this naked. Cheers Di!!

Farmer*swife said...

Sorry to hear about all the disability and medicaid/care mess. I've been through some of this with my Mom and it really is a process.

Good luck with that!

I loved the kitty stompin' around because of diet dislike. ;-)

Pagan Sphinx said...

Hi, Di
First, I'm glad you met Thorne. Of course you two would get on! That's great!

With that new feature on blogger that you can scroll and see who has posted, if you follow their blog, seems to work well for me, except not everyone you visits my blog is on it. So I keep both.

And your situation. It really does suck. Maybe because they're feeling stressed financially and not reflecting on it in terms of how they're reacting to you. Your son and DIL, I mean. But especially your son, who loves you, should know better. These things are so complex. Sigh. Good vibes coming your way, if that helps at all.

And best wishes to sweet little Siren.

Ivanhoe said...

Just wanted to say that today is a very good day in Cleveland. Our city hall now accepts domestic partnership registrations. Hundreds of couples are expected to show up :o)

Dianne said...

mrs c - don't be sad, it is what it is
I'm glad Woodje is gaining weight, I'm sure you were worried about that

linda - thanks - I'll do my best to work it out

nessa - thanks, I appreciate that :)

patti - I'll do my best, thanks so much and thanks for the Studebaker photo, that still makes me laugh

raven - it will pass, I have to keep reminding myself that other dark times passed and so will this one
Mia sends love to you and the girls

michelle - she does have a very expressive face, she often reminds me of a little old lady ;)

travis - puddle stompin'! I think we could start a trend :)
thanks buddy

liberality - I'm hanging! I'm hanging! hehehehehe
thanks lady

gabrielle - Lil' Kim was also very open about her past and I'm sure many couldn't handle that
I think you're right about the entrenched roles, I'm just so exhausted and uncomfortable that it makes genuine conversation difficult
one day at a time

oldold lady of the hills - I have all my faves/friends bookmarked so I never use my own blogroll
yes, my son's handling of this challenge is hurtful - thanks for understanding
Ty is a rodeo performer - all that calf roping and bull riding is repulsive to me especially since they stack the deck against the animal and have no respect. it goes back to not using/abusing living things for amusement

mark - ponderous as hell - you always have the best turn of phrase :)
as for the kids - the best solution would be for me to get the hell out of here, and that of course leads back to needing money

matt-man - you need to warn me if you're typing naked, I have to get ready ;)

farmers wife - thanks lady :)
the stompin' is funny - she's a lot like a sulky child when she's not acting like a cranky old woman

pagan - thanks for the good vibes :)
it is complex and that's where I wish I had the shrink to help especially now when my instincts seem off kilter

Deborah Godin said...

Yeah, I got the blogroll blues, too, but you nay have inspired me to do something with mine, Inspirated, yes, but moved to action is another matter, eh what! Sincerely hope you get some mental, physical, domestic, and bureaucratic relief, and soon!!

Lisa said...

I've used your blogroll many many times... i don't use some people's but most of my faves I do simply because I know I'll probably find a few great blogs if you think they're great...

just sayin' ... case you were wondering. :)

Lisa said...

oh, and please be careful in the puddles... you have enough on your plate!

Dr.John said...

I used Binder & Binder to push my disability claim through. They did a great job.
My family on the other hand was and has continued to be both supportive and loving. I don't know what I would do if they weren't.

Bob-kat said...

Asking for help is not something I am good at either so I can totally empathise. It just doesn't sit right does it? There is no easy way to do it adn thankfully the Government agencies usually make it quite impersonal which helps in a way.

I am so sorry about your sons attitude. I have no wisdom for this but I would give him a stern talk and you a big hug if I was there. I hope the situation gets better very soon {hugs}.

I also hope Mia adjusts to her new diet. I remember when my cat had a new diet for his kidneys. In the end I had to compromise with him. We kept the special biscuits and went back to normal cat meat (albeit ones with low potassium and protein levels). The shaking might be due to readjustment to the new diet (electrolyte levels can get mucked up and impair muscles and nerves)especially if she is dehydrated Give her a big cuddle and scratch on the head for me.

Rob Inukshuk said...

I know how difficult it is to ask for help. I'm so not good at that, but you are a survivor so you will do what it takes I know. You will also deal with the vibes at home I know.

It is time to concentrate on "you" for a while, let the others get on with it.

Thinking of you and poor confused Mia.

Shelly said...

I read this post yesterday...then I went outside to work in the garden - with you on my mind. Guess you could say I did a little healing meditation ...what the heck...a little woo-woo-ju-ju can't hurt, right?

Dianne said...

deborah - jay and I have decided to blow up our blog rolls on Sunday ;)

lisa - I'm going to feature at least one blog a week so you'll have new people to discover :)
I changed my mind about the puddles, I do have enough trouble
actually my car died Wednesday right after I posted
I just laughed!

dr john - I see their commercials all the time, thank for telling me, I didn't know anyone who used them

bob-kat - I've been thinking about you and Bob a lot
Mia sends love

rob - she really is confused, it's funny and then not
she is having a good day today and I concentrate on those
love ya kiddo

shelly - thank you! that's such a thoughtful thing to do, makes me feel special

SnoopMurph said...

The boys and I give a little shout-out to Mia-and lots of hugs. They are here looking at the photos as I read blogs.

I will continue to keep you in good thoughts and hope that your situation will improve somehow.

Blogrolls are fun, but I think I look more at comments and visit others from that more often than blogrolls.

I, too, was shocked about Ty going to the semi-finals. I thought Lil' Kim deserved to continue, but that's the problem when you let the audience help decide. I honestly think that the judging should be up to the professionals and not become a popularity contest.

CG said...

Oh Dianne...! I'm upset for you ::HUG}}

Lisa said...

Thanks, Di, you're so sweet. . .

It sounds like things are pretty stressful for everyone right now. :( It is hard to see one's parents become "needy" in any way. And you've always been especially strong and independent, raising Jeffrey by yourself and always being there for him. You know he loves you. As you said, he's probably very uncertain about the future--and very worried about you--and wondering how he's going to take care of you, his wife and his new baby and not dealing with all that anxiety very well.

The times when we aren't getting along very well here at home are the times when we are all stressed by something or other.

As one of your fans said above, set firm expectations and don't hesitate to ask for what you need--and more than once if necessary. Kids (even grown kids) need to be nagged--constantly. :)

I wish I could help in some way. Try not to get too discouraged. . .

Mare said...

Wow. Hang in there. I have an assortment of therabeads that you warm in the microwave and then put them on the body part that is screaming!!! Mostly my shoulders. Hard to believe that the RA trumps the broken leg!
Try the therabeads therapy, or there are many other kinds...some with aroma therapy included. I don't care much about the aroma, but the warmth soothing those aching joints...well that is good.

兩津 said...