parasite, meals on wheels, crows, it's my fault, everything but the kitchen sink, on sale, patriotism, the love of my life, library card, common sense
blackmail, California, stethoscope, postage, crank
I had a story. A wonderful story. I started it days ago; it was to be my first mystery. As I developed the characters – Percy Parasite and California Cougar – the story became the love of my life. This would be my masterpiece. It would be on sale at Barnes & Noble. People would line up to get a library card just to reserve a copy.
The story started out with Percy slowly killing his wife by poisoning her postage stamps. Percy is a lobbyist so there were many references to greed and false patriotism. Percy was to get what’s coming to him through blackmail and a series of witty crank calls.
California confused me. She started out as a struggling actress. Age had caused her to lose roles and she was desperate for money. Since she wasn’t too bright she spent long hours working for ‘Meals on Wheels’ before realizing it was a volunteer position. I held a stethoscope to her head and heard the ocean. I threw everything but the kitchen sink into creating the bimbo of all bimbos.
And then common sense took hold of me. How would California hatch a brilliant blackmail scheme? She was an idiot. I got so angry at her that I had her pecked to death by crazed crows. The next Tippi Hedren – born and killed in the same paragraph.
So it’s my fault. This is what you get. The story of how the story didn’t become a story.
There are links to actual stories at RAVEN’S