I appear to be the Queen of the Relapse – just when I thought my head was clear it filled up with toxic waste again. I’m foggy with a chance of bad moods and fits of exhaustion.
The night that Hope was born I saw this expression cross over her face for a moment and a wave of memory feelings came over me. I couldn’t articulate the memories at that moment.
On and off for the past 3 months I kept catching glimpses of this same expression. Actually I felt more than saw the expression.
I have had many moments where Hope reminds me of Jeffrey (her Dad/my son) – she has his lips and nose and she has a joyous, mischievous smile much like his was as a child.
But this expression I occasionally experienced was different. I just could not wrap my mind around it.
Then the other day Hope was playing in her ‘bouncy seat’ and she became annoyed and frustrated by not being able to reach one of the toys that hang from it. I encouraged her to reach and I made ‘Mr. Frog’ spin to capture her attention and I was met with THE EXPRESSION …
I said “Oy, why the stricken look” before I even thought the words and it all came back to me.
This is my expression ...
I remembered my Aunt Pat saying “Oy, why the stricken look” and her calling over to my Mom – “Annie, this child looks like she’s suffering”
I remembered my Mom laughing and saying I always made that face when “things don’t cooperate with her”
The memories just flooded back after that ...
One of my uncles used to say the look broke his heart
Nana used to laugh and tell people to let me be, I was intent on “solving her own puzzle”
I had a teacher who told me the look made her feel like she was torturing me
And there are so many more
I think I still do this look today but of course it’s nearly impossible to evaluate your own expressions.
I guess I’ll have to wait until Hope is old enough to tell me if she recognizes the look.
Here are a few shots of Hope in her ‘bouncy seat’ when she’s not “stricken”