Tuesday, October 20, 2009

I Know This Look

I appear to be the Queen of the Relapse – just when I thought my head was clear it filled up with toxic waste again. I’m foggy with a chance of bad moods and fits of exhaustion.


The night that Hope was born I saw this expression cross over her face for a moment and a wave of memory feelings came over me. I couldn’t articulate the memories at that moment.

On and off for the past 3 months I kept catching glimpses of this same expression. Actually I felt more than saw the expression.

I have had many moments where Hope reminds me of Jeffrey (her Dad/my son) – she has his lips and nose and she has a joyous, mischievous smile much like his was as a child.

But this expression I occasionally experienced was different. I just could not wrap my mind around it.

Then the other day Hope was playing in her ‘bouncy seat’ and she became annoyed and frustrated by not being able to reach one of the toys that hang from it. I encouraged her to reach and I made ‘Mr. Frog’ spin to capture her attention and I was met with THE EXPRESSION

I said “Oy, why the stricken look” before I even thought the words and it all came back to me.

This is my expression ...

I remembered my Aunt Pat saying “Oy, why the stricken look” and her calling over to my Mom – “Annie, this child looks like she’s suffering”

I remembered my Mom laughing and saying I always made that face when “things don’t cooperate with her”

The memories just flooded back after that ...

One of my uncles used to say the look broke his heart
Nana used to laugh and tell people to let me be, I was intent on “solving her own puzzle”
I had a teacher who told me the look made her feel like she was torturing me

And there are so many more

I think I still do this look today but of course it’s nearly impossible to evaluate your own expressions.

I guess I’ll have to wait until Hope is old enough to tell me if she recognizes the look.

Here are a few shots of Hope in her ‘bouncy seat’ when she’s not “stricken”


Anonymous said...

I can not tell you how it comforts me to find another who uses the expression "oy". So many ask me what it means... I just tell them same as your "ugh" only from the east coast right? :O)

I do hope you get to feeling much better soon. Thinking about you. Have you heard anything more on your case? Hugs. Tammy

Jeni said...

I have a very good friend whose favorite expression is "Yoi" -pretty much the same as "oy" isn't it?
And now, don't you just love it -yes, I know you do -watching how Hope changes day to day (sometimes it seems hour by hour even minute to minute too) and just gets prettier and sweeter and smarter and all those superlatives all the time? So sweet, she is! So darned sweet. Now you have me pining away, wishing for another grandchild but unless my son finally decides to take the plunge that won't be happening and even if he does, it still probably won't happen then anyway. Rats! I really wanted oodles and oodles of children myself and then more oodles and oodles of grandkids after that but looks like I'm gonna have to go with 3 and 3.(Kids/Grandkids, that is, ya know!)Just keep sharing those pictures of Hope though, please!

Scott Oglesby said...

What a beautiful bambino! With especially the expressions on your babies (and grand-babies) faces you can see yourself reborn. It is an amazing, humbling experience. Thanks for sharing that with us!

I hope you feel better soon!

the walking man said...

Good to see some hope growing kiddo.

bobbie said...

That's quite a bouncy seat!

Stricken or not, that child is gorgeous!

Mrs. C said...

LOL She is too cute!! She seems the type that will MAKE things cooperate with her as she ages. :]

Arkansas Patti said...

How neat to see your self in Hope.
Love expressive babies, you can't laugh ALL the time. That is some bouncy chair.

Bond said...

She has your expression...I am sure as she grows and learns, she will have your conviction and desires and hopes and dreams.

Nessa said...

Hope is adorable, regardless of the look.

Wordless Wednesday - King of the Field

Dianne said...

stitch - nothing new on the case, the caseworker has called me but each time I return her call she's not there
Oy is my favorite expression :)

jeni - 3 and 3 is pretty good I think :)

scott - it is amazing and humbling, that's exactly what it is plus more than a little hope thrown in :)

walking man - thanks buddy :)

bobbie - it was a shower gift, Jeffrey freaked out about its size but now he's happy since Hope loves it

mrs c - I think she will too, she is already very expressive and makes her feelings known very clearly
can't imagine where she gets that LOL

patti - I love expressive babies too, and Hope has so many
I'm also getting into figuring out all her sounds - she has an amazing array

bond - that's a lovely thing to say, thank you :)

nessa - thanks :)

Reb said...

That is not a bouncy chair...that is a star ship in disguise! WOW!

She is a beautiful girl, even when stricken.

Sylvia K said...

I agree with Reb -- that is a star ship in disguise! I love it and can see why Hope does! That stricken look does remind me of my oldest daughter.

Hope is so beautiful -- stricken or not and I know how much you are enjoying watching her grow. And at that age it is almost hourly!!

Hope you're feeling better soon!

In the meantime, there's always Hope!


Hilary said...

If anyone would recognize the shared look between you and Hope it would be Jeffrey. I'm pretty sure our kids see the stricken look more than anyone. ;)

Lovely shots of bouncy, springy Hope... Hope springs eternal!

Jay said...

I have that same look on my face when I can't reach the remote without risking spilling my beer.

Mountain Photog said...

"Stricken." LOL! I like that. Hope gets more adorable every day, Dianne! Of course she would resemble you in certain ways--she has some of your genes, after all. :)

Sorry you're still down with the crud! Not to be discouraging but. . . it's been a month for me and I still can't breathe through my nose. Of course, I haven't been taking care of myself either--I've been too busy taking care of everyone else. The curse of motherhood. "Life is just so daily!" LOL!

I hope you feel better soon! (And me, too.) :(

Dianne said...

reb - it is pretty over the top
it's a killer to move too!!

sylvia - I think I'm going to start calling it the 'starship' :)

hilary - Jeffrey just keeps saying that she looks like herself
which is so funny since she looks so much like him

jay - that is it exactly!!

lisa - the crud is getting the better of me
and I'm not much on taking care of myself either
I think we both need a spa year ;)

Queen-Size funny bone said...

you ca tell she likes the jumper. my girls loved it.

Travis said...

Remember the little toy benches with the different shaped holes and pegs that helped kids learn shapes? My mom says I had a similar look during the 4 hours it took me to get the square peg evenly and exactly jammed into the round hole.

I probably could have gotten the round one in the triangle hole too.

Mountain Photog said...

A spa year! Now that's the best idea I've heard in a long time, Dianne. Pass the hot towels, will ya? :)

tattytiara said...

Oh she's gorgeous. It must be so amazing to see your own familiar expressions shining back at you from a brand new face!

OldOldLady Of The Hills said...

LOL, LOL....the Stricken Look...GREAT! I think it is wonderful that you can see you in Hope at this age....She sure is adorable! And that is quite a cintraption she is in---Very colorful and Beautiful, too!

BTWL Purple in ALL it's shades is my favorite color, too!

OldOldLady Of The Hills said...

Oh...And I forgot to say, I hope you will be "well" very very soon...No more styffed up amything!

Matt-Man said...

Hope you bounce back soon, Di. In the meantime, you and I could get together and have sick person sex together. Cheers!!

Anndi said...

She'll have that look when she works at improving the world... and she's already begun doing that. The world is better everytime a new soul comes in and gives humanity a second chance. Now if only we grown ups could stop being so rigid and open ourselves to the very frustrations that lead to growth and learning... and understanding.

Ron said...

Good Moring Dianne!

Hey...I LOVE the look!

But perhaps that's because "I" look the same way while "solving my own puzzles."

I tell myself it's a sign of "intelligence."



Well, as far as I'm concerned, whatever expression Hope expresses...she's BEYOND adorable!!!

(just like YOU)

Hope you're feeling better today, dear lady!

Sending ya a hug!

{{{{{ Dianne }}}}}}


Daryl said...

Its a look that shows intelligence, she is clearly thwarted and working out the how to unthwart .. a genius!

Akelamalu said...

Looks like a 'determined' look to me. I think it's great that you can see some of yourself in Hope. :)

Micky-T said...

Are you sure she's not just taking a crapp?

Sparkling Red said...

I am going to buy myself a bouncy seat just like that in my size. Or, if I can't buy one, I'll build it myself. And if I can't have one, I'll get that stricken look...

Linda Reeder said...

I am not so good at seeing likenesses in members of my close family. I never see myself in my two kids. And yet, once in a while there is something about my litle granddaughter's expression that I recognize as my own.
It makes me feel secretly special.
I'm so glad you saw your connection.

jennifer said...

All of her looks are beautiful - but why am I telling you that? You know it already.

My husband tells me that I am starting to have my mother's stern stormy look. Lord knows I'm getting the wrinkles to perfect the look.

Have a good weekend Dianne.

petra michelle; Whose role is it anyway? said...

I want to pinch Hope's cheeks, Dianne! Ragazza di un bombina cosi bella! (Did I interpret that right?! Such a beautiful baby girl!) :))

Raven said...

I love the look! I'm glad it has brought back memories. It's amazing how I sometimes see my sister in her children. My brother and I looked very much alike and very much like my father but we also had looks that were very much my mother. It's so fascinating how generations work. When I was in AZ I made a collage of baby pictures of all the siblings and parents and grandparents of Ani and it was amazing to see all of them in her face. I loved that thing but it got zapped when I got hit by a computer virus and I don't have it in me to reproduce it.

Hope your mood lifts. I'm guessing that you are still waiting on news about SSD. I'm holding a high vision for you. You more than merit the help and you have paid for it over the years. It's yours by right.

Raven said...

I forgot to say how utterly adorable Hope is - and that I LOVE that bouncy chair. That is one of the coolest ones I've seen.

Ivanhoe said...

It could also qualify as a "pushing out poopie" look. She's a ham, Nana :o)

Jacob said...

Oy, is right! What goes around comes around in more ways that one...fun and funky post, Dianne...

And what a little sweetheart she is!

You should pardon the expression! ;-)

Grayquill said...

"The Expression" that was petty good. It brought back a few memories for my of my own children.
Good one.

Natalie said...

I can't wait until the day Hope recognizes this look on your face and says, "Oy, Nana! Why the stricken look?"

I love this post. Hope is really showing her personality and spunk. Of course we always new it was just a matter of time...

Linda said...

Sorry I'm late in popping by; it's been a busy week once again and the next one promises to be the same.

It's lovely that Hope has gotten something so totally unique to you at such a young age as you can now point to her even more proudly and say "that's my granddaughter!" It gives you a very unique bond to share.

Hope you're feeling a bit better by now!

Cherie said...

Wow! What an incredible "bouncy seat"! Let me know if that child ever gets bored in it. Frustrated, maybe. Over stimulated, perhaps. Bored? Never! I think that it would take me a month just to count everything. lol Good to know that Hope likes to figure stuff out for herself. (I mean if that's what "the look" meant on you, it seems reasonable ...)

Sorry that I haven't been around in a while. I've been busier that a one armed wallpaper hanger. Actually, I think I could paper my walls with all the papers I've been writing. Last week I had 5. This week I only have one and a mid-term. It feels like a vacation! LOL

Stay healthy and strong! Girl power! Woo!

Mare said...

Someday,,,hopefully..grandkids for me. But I have seen big resemblances of my friends' kids'kids!! Amazing!

Robin said...

I really enjoyed the way this post draws that connection through the years, weaving Hope into the tapestry of her family's history.

Louise said...

It must make you proud! I loved it when my niece was born and she looked more like me than her parents. But an expression (or dare-say, personality trait)? That's even better!