Thursday, June 10, 2010

Self Appointed Road Monitor

… Is a term my brother always used as we left Jets (Giants) Stadium after a Jets home game. Leaving the stadium is a challenge. A rat’s nest of exit lanes leading to clogged access roads that will eventually get you onto a backed up route or a turnpike at a stand still.

Comes with the territory of leaving any one place with thousands of other people. If you can’t handle the traffic watch the game on TV.

The Hooray For Me, The Hell With You crowd would use the shoulder as a fast lane. Even if the shoulder was obstructed by snow or overgrown weeds they’d zip past barely leaving your side mirror intact. Then they’d create a bottleneck when they tried to merge in where the shoulder ended.

Baby bro had a big old Ford so he’d plant it half in the traffic lane and mostly obstructing the shoulder. I loved looking in the mirror and watching asshats squirm in their seats or lean on their horns.

Just before the blind curve my brother would move over, freeing the road entitled to speed by – right into the arms of Highway Patrol. There was always a car there, just waiting to stop and ticket them.

Good times!

I rarely appoint myself road monitor. I usually drive alone and being road monitor can be dangerous. Plus until recently I had a small car.

But sometimes, in the face of incredible asshatery, you have to take a stand.

There is a main road in my town that runs parallel to a state route. There are less stop lights so a lot of folks use it. There are three schools within a half mile of each other on this road. From 2 to 4 PM each school day you need to be mindful of school buses and children walking – often where there is no sidewalk.

Unless you’re a charter member of the The Hell With You, Hooray For Me club.

As traffic slows to let parent vehicles and school buses in and out of driveways you tailgate and honk your horn.

When traffic comes to a stop to let the wee ones cross the road you shove yourself over as far right as you can and try to pass those of us who wait.

Unless …

… someone in her white horse of a Jeep decides enough is enough.

Yep, that’s the view through my windshield as I hold up an old Camaro full of morons. I had already witnessed them passing several cars and honking at an elderly woman crossing by the library. At one point they were on someone’s lawn trying to get ahead.

See that bit of police car over to the left. The officer from that car was helping the crossing guard and was so pleased to see the Camaro honking at me as the driver shouted “move over you stupid bitch.” In fact, he was so glad to see them that he invited them to pull over for a chat.

Good times!

Better a thousand times careful than once dead. ~Proverb


Ron said...

"In fact, he was so glad to see them that he invited them to pull over for a chat."


You GO, Dianne!!!!

Or should I say, "Road Monitor?"

LOVE the proverb!

X ya, dear lady!!!

Linda Reeder said...

Oh yes! Hurray for you! I hate those "Hell with you, hooray for me" drivers.

bobbie said...

Wish there were a lot more like you on the roads!

Anonymous said...

Oh boy, the satisfaction of seeing those morons pulled over...I can feel it myself. This is a good news story. Well done you!

Happily, that type of behaviour is seldom seen here.

Noe Noe Girl...A Queen of all Trades. said...

You go girl!

Micky-T said...


Anonymous said...

HAHA, I love it! Good for you! I would have been tempted to drive back past to wink at the assholes in the camaro.

Vinny "Bond" Marini said...

I am like your brother...I cut off the shoulder when I see the a**hats coming...

Linda said...

Good for you!! We need more people like you around to drive those folks nuts. I'm chicken. I'm afraid they will shoot me.

Jay said...

Well played babe! Well played. ;-)

Daryl said...

Gawd I love you ...

Dianne said...

ron - I wish I knew what the officer said to them, he looked furious

linda r - thanks :)
I hate when people don't care about kids

bobbie - other people around smiled at me, and a few parents walking waved - as did their kids
I think people are afraid to get involved
my son is always upset with me when I do stuff like this, he keeps saying I'm going to get shot one day

rob - I think the driver ed in the UK is much better and the road test is much tougher
here you basically need to park without going up on the sidewalk and make a few turns without hitting anything and you get a license
if I remember correctly sitting the test in London is quite difficult

noe noe - thanks :)

micky - ya know you'd do the same thing, thanks

mrs d - I watched thru my mirror for a long time and the officer was gesturing a lot and had the driver out of the car
people were pointing and one woman was yelling at them

vinny - you'd love hanging with me and my brother ;)

linda - my son tells me that all the time, he get upset with me

jay - thanks, I love when you call me babe ;)

daryl - love you too sis :)

Jeff B said...

You are my hero! I love messing with jerks who feel they are the rightful owners of the road.

Mare said...

That was a lot of fun to read!! You go, girl!!

Grayquill said...

You pot stirrer, you.

Scott Oglesby said...

Good Job Deputy!

Pittsburgh is even worse in my opinion (and I’ve been to Giants Stadium). Because the downtown in on that tiny little peninsula and only bridges can get you out. Bridges are not good for traffic.

I used to block traffic when I got really pissed at ‘shoulder rapers’ too.

Trisha said...

Good for you! Those people drive me buggy! Especially when they drive along the shoulder and then try to merge in front of you. I usually try to not let them in but some actually would hit me if I didn't!

We need more people to take stands against these people and more policemen in the right place at the right time!

Travis Cody said...

Sorry, but I cannot applaud this kind of behavior...neither the rough and tumble driver nor your or any other person who decides to police the roadway without a badge or a vehicle with flashing red and blue police lights.

It's just not a civilian motorist's job to get in the way of someone else. Vehicles are large, heavy, and deadly. Our responsibility when we get behind the wheel is to obey traffic laws and proceed with care. Those who are choosy with the traffic laws they obey are not our responsibility to interfere with.

It's frustrating and frightening when someone is operating outside the rules of the road. They are difficult to anticipate. It's equally frustrating and frightening when someone with good intentions operates outside the anticipated rules of the road in order to "prove a point" to another driver.

That is when accidents are likely.

Dianne said...

jeff - it was how vulnerable the kids looked that got to me

mare - thanks :)

grayquill - who me!? I'm a sweet naive girl, shy and unassuming ;)

scott - shoulder rapers!! you really turn a phrase

trisha - there used to be an officer at all the major school crossings but they cut back and no one pays attention to the crossing guards
the idiots behind me didn't see the police car

travis - I wasn't doing a high speed chase! I was simply sitting further over on a ONE lane road so the assholes behind me couldn't pass and mow down some kids
I wasn't breaking any fucking law or endangering anyone
I'm sorry Travis but sometimes you are so judgemental and downright self righteous

Travis Cody said...

I wasn't being self-righteous or judgmental. I was just stating my opinion because I disagreed with your solution. I thought that was safe to do here.

Hilary said...

You did the right thing, Di.. I'm glad for folks like you looking out for the kidlets. I get Travis' concern about safety but really how does a possible fender bender compare to the potential damage that car could do to the little ones up ahead? Hopefully the chat with police might leave an impression.. we can hope. You did good. Thanks for that.

Dianne said...

travis - your comment came off that way to me, people disagree with me here all the time and that's fine - safe as you mention - this just felt personal, and to be honest it hurt my feelings
I assume you know me well enough to know I'm not a reckless person with the safety of others

hilary - I have mentioned at every town meeting what a mess that road is - 3 schools, people trying to back out of their driveways, a park, and now a summer camp is opening
nothing ever gets done at our town meetings
it's either socializing or arguing
sounds like Wash, DC

OldOldLady Of The Hills said...

Ain't it the truth! I don't understand people like those in that Camaro....It is just beyond me! Just how much time do they actually save by putting many lives at risk in such a recless manner....The ME, ME, ME-Fuck-You Generation! OY!