Friday, October 15, 2010

OY! Home Depot

I would do absolutely anything for my son and my granddaughter and so I went with them to Home Depot.

I hate Home Depot ...

It's too big.
It's ugly.
Orange is one of my least favorite colors.
I am positive that something huge will fall on my head. I will not be mercifully killed but rendered capable of only cleaning bathrooms.
I will never have a kitchen like any of the displays.

Yet any experience with Hope around can be wonderful. She was thrilled with the hugeness of it all ...

My son decides to look for the hook/notch/nut/bolt/thingie that I need for my medicine cabinet so that the sliding door doesn't stick. It has been stuck for 8 years. I don't think I'll know how to open it if it doesn't stick.

The search for the hook/notch/nut/bolt/thingie takes 20 minutes and we cover 300 miles. 

Hope is the glue that keeps me from killing her father ...

We finally made it to the holiday and garden section! I enjoy this part of the store even when it's 85 degrees and I've just walked 500 miles of aisles.

I was looking forward to lots of mums and Halloween stuff.

What did I see!? Santas and Snowmen and garland and ...

Happy Merry HalloThankMas America. No wonder we're all nuts. We live in an accelerated world ruled by giant orange stores.

Even the straw people had enough ...

It was such a mish mosh of seasons and holidays. Florida likes to say they only have one season. Well, it appears NJ has them all - at the same time.

Daddy, why is Nana breaking the heads off all those little red statues?

This beautiful plant was lost in the middle of a blow-up Santa display ...

Do I hang my balls on it?

This was hanging above mountains of gold and red garland ...

The Sacred Spider who joined Baby Jesus in the manger to protect him from mosquitoes.

Another first time Grandma noticed me taking pics of Hope and offered to take one of all of us ...

We managed to get out of there in good spirits - thanks to Hope.

As for my medicine cabinet - now both doors stick.

I'm OK with that.


Linda Reeder said...

I've never been so entertained by a trip tp Home Depot as I was just now! Thank you! And Happymerryhallowthanksmas to you!

Doc said...

I hate the Home Depot too... But you can make it fun Di!

DJan said...

I stay away from big box stores except for Costco because I save money there. Love your story here! Little Hope is aptly named.

Trisha said...

Actually - I enjoy Home Depot. Looking at all the little pieces makes me imagine what I could do with them all. I do agree that my kitchen will never look like their samples though!

Too funny that your medicine cabinet just got worse!

Sylvia K said...

Well, you've started off my day with a big laugh. I hate Home Depot, too, haven't been in years, don't plan to return anytime soon. Glad you had Hope to save the day! And the medicine cabinet is worse? Well, that's because Home Depot didn't want to encourage you to return and screw with their image!! They're like that you know! And a Happymerryhallowthanksmas to you, too!! Have a HomeDepot free day!!


Linda said...

I don't mind orange but I do mind walking 15 miles to find a light bulb!

As for that whole mish-mash of holidays ... OY and then some! I can't stand the fact that one holiday gets steamrolled over by another holiday in retail's quest for the almighty dollar. Life goes by fast enough as it is, we don't need the likes of Home Depot and WalMart rushing the process even more!

Jay Simser said...

I never go to Home Depot unless it is with someone who knows just where everything is located (I swear it is inborn in some people) and can get me there and out by the shortest way possible.

I am overawed (confused as hell) by all the "stuff" in that store.. My head spins and I get disoriented..

But you and hope made the experience a delight. Next time I shall go with you guys... Thanks for starting my day off right.

ds said...

Ha ha ha! Love this!! "Hope is the glue that keeps me from killing her father." Oh, dear...
So true about the mashing of holidays, and so sad.
Around here, we have dubbed it Home Despot...
Great post, and it is so wonderful to see pictures of you with Hope, you are too often behind the camera!

JC said...

I can't tell you how many times I've been to that store. Why do men like to linger there ? Seriously why does it take so long to find the right screw ?

I can walk the whole store and he is still looking in the same aisle.

I'm glad you made it out of there without being taken prisoner by that spider.

Jackie said...

I think our equivalent home improvements chain store is B&Q - it's orange as well.

I don't usually shop there as we have the best independent hardware store about a minute from my flat which sells everything and then some, so I'd sooner support that. But what I do like about B&Q is that they seem to have a policy of employing older people, so at a time when people are losing their jobs and then finding they can't compete with younger people in the market place, it must be a godsend.

Vinny "Bond" Marini said...

I am a Loews guy....I like their 500 miles of aisles better

fermicat said...

Cute photo essay, and love that family photo at the end!

Noe Noe Girl...A Queen of all Trades. said...

I love hardware stores period. I know...I have issues. And I love Hope. She is an angel! so glad your medicine cabinet is back in working order.

Akelamalu said...

You may hate it but it was fun reading about it! :)

Mrs. C said...

On the first Saturday of every month from 9 to 12, Home Depot has Kids' Workshop time. It's free for children. Hope would love to get her own FREE apron, a badge for each completed project, and the opportunity to use a hammer. Ha ha! :)

November's project is a spice rack! My homeschooled children have been doing this for well over a year and it is a BIG DEAL to them.

Pagan Sphinx said...

I hate it there, too. But a few weeks ago, I was too broke to buy mums from the local greenhouse and stopped by there for a deal on them. The gardening section had chipmunks and birds all over it. I thought that was kind of funny. I guess if I don't have Hope to amuse me, I have to rely on the critters. ;-)

Ur funny. :-D

Ron said...

Okay, this is yet another reason why I love you....

"Orange is one of my least favorite colors."

Meeeeeeeeeeee too!

On a pumpkin, yes. However on me it looks like someone vomited all over my face. I look putrid in orange!

OMG, this post is absolutely hysterical!

"Happy Merry HalloThankMas America."

"Do I hang my balls on it?"

"The Sacred Spider who joined Baby Jesus in the manger to protect him from mosquitoes"


Yes, dearest lady...I LOVE YOU!

Thanks for brilliant laughs, and the chance to see cutie pie Hope again!

X ya's!

Sallie (FullTime-Life) said...

Me too Di! I love my husband -- even like him on most days (even after a three-month roadtrip in the little Van)....but I will NOT go with him to Home Depot.

I'll think of you next time I'm doing my crossword puzzles while sitting in the van in front of the big Orange box. (You'd think if you lived in an RV full time you wouldn't need Home Depot wouldn't you? You'd be mistaken ;>)

Of course we have no Hope. (probably in whatever sense you want to take that!) Hugs -- thanks for the laugh of the day.

Martha Z said...

At least Hope enjoyed herself. As for me, the only store I like better than a home improvement store is a book store.

Self Sagacity said...

HD is one of our favorite visits too. It's really a great place.. Very nice photos of you and your family.

If you enjoy meme and challenges, come by and join us for Thursday Two Questions at
We would love to have your participation.

OldOldLady Of The Hills said...

Loved this journey into Home Depot with the WONDERFUL Hope! It is amazing how the pushers of Holiday Buying start earlier and earlier each year, or so it seems. I guess it was great that they actually had some!
A very sweet picture of the three generatioons, even it was in that Orange place.

Scott Oglesby said...

I’ve always hated the Home Depot as well. Especially since I can barely change a light bulb. But I admit that I sure as hell miss it now. I have to travel 30 miles for a pair of pliers which cost over 20 Euros.

Hope is, as always, too adorable!!

Micky-T said...

With a Lowes exactly 2 miles from my project house, I cornered the store manager and told him if he gives me a discount I'll do all my home improvement shopping there. He did and I have been getting that 10% for almost 5 years. I don't love the big boxes but I love keeping $$$ in my wallet.

Arkansas Patti said...

Notiiced the same thing on my trip to Lowes this week. Good grief will we soon be starting Christmas preps on the 4th of July? How about year round Christmas? 365 days of gifts?
Love your take on the Home Depot trip however, you usually make me laugh.
Think your cabinets might be terminal. So sorry for your loss.
Great pic of the three of you.

jabblog said...

Oh, I loved this. Why do men take so long to find what they're looking for and why do they enjoy it so much?
As for the blurring - or should that be bludgeoning? - of the seasons by the big companies, I could scream . . .

Hilary said...

Too funny, Dianne. I enjoyed the easy walk through the store. It's one I actually enjoy visiting.
"Do I hang my balls on it?" Frankly, the aggravation you felt toward you son at the time, I'm surprised you didn't suggest hanging his from it. Of course, you want more grandchildren. ;)

Land of shimp said...

I'm still having trouble processing that the last photo is recent. Santas and October. It doesn't quite compute.

This was very funny, Dianne. I particularly liked that your fear is being rendered capable only of cleaning bathrooms.

You know what else is odd about Home Depot? For all that it is stuffed to the gills with things, and sends people almost immediately into sensory overload, visually it always processes as if it should be cold in there.

As if a howling wind, quite possibly accompanied by a stereotypical tumbleweed or two, should blow the entire time you're in there. It could be August and I'd still feel as if I ought to be chilled in there. I think I finally figured out why -- even the tallest, heartiest, beefiest among us look small in there. thanks to the three story ceiling, so it's super isolating.

I swear, it's the perfect setting for a horror movie wherein people are trapped overnight with some hideous form of eyeball eating monster.

And that at least is seasonally appropriate.

Lisa (Mountain Photog) said...

"ope is the glue that keeps me from killing her father ..." LOLOLOL!

I'm with ya on Home Depot, Dianne. And Lowes and Sam's Club and Costco and any of the other "Big Box" stores. Positively soul sucking. You were a good sport about it. Of course, nearly anything with a toddler is fun. Except perhaps a 5 hour plane ride.

christopher said...

I am with you on the whole lot.

Lots of nuttiness, humor and satire to be harvested from now to December.

Jacob said...

Hi Dianne!

Sorry I haven't been by lately. I've bitten off more than I can chew and thus I'm chewing all the time and getting nowhere! ;-)

Loved the post. You remain as funny as always! Hope is a doll. And may your doors unstick some day. But only if you want them to!

Anonymous said...

Daddy, why is Nana breaking the heads off all those little red statues?

The Sacred Spider who joined Baby Jesus in the manger to protect him from mosquitoes.

.... ROTFLMBO! I'm glad my husband doesn't read blogs or he might add a spider to our creche! (Apparently a bat would work well, too.)

You've convinced me to avoid the orange box store. Thanks for the laugh and the cute granddaughter pics. :)

Mike said...

I hate shopping. But Home Depot? I could wander the asiles for hours.

Daryl said...

LOVE this family shot ... and I am laughing .. out in the desert this past week I saw a lot of Halloween 'scarecrows'made by kids for exhibition at Springs Preserve .. a place you would love ...

Border Explorer said...

Whew, I needed a good laugh...and I got it here. I hate Home Depot and ALL the Big Box stores. Would rather stick a needle in my eye than grocery shop at Walmart. Now I know: I need to take a grandchild with me for sanity!

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