Saturday, June 23, 2012

I'm Hot

So as the ...



... set in I was cleaning the house and enjoying the fresh coolness of my central air




Temperatures surpassed 100 degrees (Fahrenheit) and barely cooled to 90 as the picturesque NJ night crept in



I was feeling mighty warm but assumed it was a hot flash spell



Until I checked the thermostat. Set for 76 it read 83. Remember now, all temps are Fahrenheit. We don't know nothin' bout Celsius and metrics here in these mighty States of United. We don't need to learn.

In keeping with the basic flow of my clusterfuck of a life my AC unit was dying on Day One of a Heat Wave.

At dawn on Thursday (Day Two) I approached the unit ...



... confirmed that it was a good for nothing lazy bastard and called the AC guy. Guess what? AC guys are busy during a heat wave. Who'd of thunk it!

Thankfully the house is populated with ceiling fans



which really work to circulate air. They are especially helpful when circulating CONDITIONED air. If you chose to use them in plain old regular air during a motherfreaking heat wave you might as well just sit in an ...



Regrettably there is no man with a big hose in my life



So I needed to take tons of showers alone



AC guy arrives Friday evening and after two expensive hours of investigation he declares that we need an electrician. An electrician on Friday night during a heat wave just north of the Jersey Shore. No problem.

Our regular guy had gone fishing. I was going to check Angie's List but the laptop was overheating and surprisingly didn't respond well to a cold drink.

You youngins might not recognize this ...


but with the wizard like skill of reading and calling I was able to find an emergency (aka very expensive) electrician who managed to show up on a Friday night and jiggle a few wires.

So as the heat wave busting storms rolled in ...


old not so faithful began turning and conditioning and as I publish this the temp inside this here palace of mine is a lovely 74. Of course it's fucking 60 outside right now but I choose not to dwell on the ironic.


For all of Hope's fans - she was visiting her cousins and had sleepovers all over NYC in order to remain as cool on the outside as she is on the inside.



I want YOU to be cool

34 comments:

DJan said...

Oh oh, oh! A heat wave and an a/c on the fritz. Don't they ALWAYS go together? We won't reach 63 on this gloomy rainy day in the Pacific Northwest. The whole rest of the country is overheated and we are just cold and wet...

LOVE that picture of Hope! :-)

Happy Elf Mom said...

You mean it gets above 70 in New Jersey? :)

OF COURSE it all gets fixed just as it cools down outside. How much did these clowns charge you for wire jiggling? We found dead mice in our unit. That's what they get for chewing our wires. :)

Linda said...

I have decided that your life is one big m-f'ing Murphy's Law if ever there was one! Now, I know that the universe probably does these sorts of things to you in order to give you blog fodder that makes your readers laff at the way you handle all of the crap that it dishes out to you but personally I don't think that's fair and will petition said universe to give you a $%*&@! break or it's going to eventually go too far in pissing off a Jersey Girl and then things are going to get ugly.

In the meantime, let's hope that Old Not-so-Faithful holds up when the next heat wave rolls around, which I'm sure will invariably happen as Mother Nature is about as menopausal as she gets this year!

Sylvia K said...

Well, thanks to you, I can now stop sniffling and whining about more rain and gray skies and chilly temps! Wow! we are indeed at opposite extremes!! We're having the coolest/chilliest spring on record, barely got over 50 degrees yesterday! Wish I could send you some!! Maybe today will be better! I'll blow kisses to Hope and you instead of hugs -- too hot for them!!

Sylvia

Rambling Woods said...

Oh no..another cluster...I would have been in the ER...the heat and humidity is awful..hope you get it fixed soon..of course it is always expensive....hugs.

LL Cool Joe said...

So do you always wear that outfit when you clean your house? ;)

Glad you got the AC sorted out, that's something we don't need here in the UK, so just think yourself lucky that you get warm enough weather there to need it!

Ron said...

Dianne, nobody but YOU could share such a frustrating experience with such clever brilliance and humor!

Love your photos with narrative!

Has this not been the most insane summer so far? One day it's in the 70's, then the next day it's 100!

"They are especially helpful when circulating CONDITIONED air. If you chose to use them in plain old regular air during a motherfreaking heat wave you might as well just sit in an ..."

I agree. I have a ceiling fan in my apartment and does nothing except blow hot air around without the AC.

Glad to you hear you got your unit fixed.

LOVED that last shot of Hope!

Stay cool, dear lady.

X and hugs to you and Hope!

Hilary said...

And yet, you're the coolest hot woman in Jersey. Perhaps the whole eastern seaboard. And Hope has inherited that from you.

Jay Simser said...

"here palace of mine is a lovely 74. Of course it's fucking 60 outside right now" - I can't match your other friends in what they have said. I can't even match you in this delightful post. Suffice it to say that line kept me laughing all day..Or at least it will. Hugs for you and Hope from Molly and Me. (OK Cassie too)

Cherie said...

Isn't that always the way. Of course, you don't know it doesn't work until you have to use it, and (I've been told by the A/C guys) they can't really test whether it's working properly unless it's 74 degrees or something. (In other words, no "per-emergency" testing.) Good luck with your "unit." ;)

ds said...

Yeah, I'd say the Irony Gods were having fun with you...those storms when they finally arrived were amazing. And I second Hilary...you and Hope are too cool for words!

Vagabonde said...

I don’t know how they survived the heat in the olden days with no air conditioning ever. It got pretty hot here too and our air con died – we had to buy a brand new system, so trips are going to be closer to home! I feel for you if yours is not working.

Mike said...

The AC gods tried to eliminate you but you BEAT them! Yeaaaaaaa!!!

CrystalChick said...

One thing is for certain... the heat didn't melt your wonderful sense of humor. ;)
We have c/a too, but in an old house with old duct work it only cools so much when it's super hot for days on end. My new car is actually the place to be for cooling off. It was seriously brrrr in there yesterday and the a/c wasn't even on max.

Sounds like Hope is enjoying the summer so-far.

Lowell said...

This is such a wonderfully creative post! I laughed the whole way through it, not only because of your commentary but the delightful photos! I liked the first picture where you're dressed in a teddy and carrying a feather duster! The only thing is it made my temperature rise and it's hot enough in Florida, although at the moment I think it's raining as a result of Tropical Storm Debby which means I might not be able to play golf today which will make me even hotter, and I'll just finish by saying that our a/c is working, thank the gods (take your pick) which means I can sit at the computer all day looking at more pictures. I didn't know you were blonde, tho!
:-))

Granny Annie said...

Believe it or not, the same thing happened to us on Friday night. Ours was repaired Saturday evening. Our chickens had been pecking at a vital wire and had shorted out the unit. I related to all your hilarious descriptions including the too true oven picture and the uselessness of ceiling fans in distributing hot air. Thank you for you clever rendition of a horrific event.

Ivanhoe said...

Of course it's going to happen during a heat wave! Mr. Murphy set it up just wonderfully.
Try to stay cool now :)
Hugs from Ohio,
I.

ladyfi said...

LOL - very funny post.

Love the last shot.

Akelamalu said...

Air Con breakdown during a heatwave? That's Sod's Law for you. Glad you managed to get it fixed even thought the temp had dropped. :)

OldLady Of The Hills said...

Isn't that always the way, my dear? LORDY! Such a Heat Wave already???
And the AC struggling to stay alive. OY!
You did good finding an electrician on Friday Night!!!

HOPE, 'the adorable one', is such a sophisticated traveler---Overnight here, Overnight there....Good For Her!

I'm With Stupid said...

A/C units always let us down when we need them most. Bastards.

Jay

Mare said...

That is Murphy's Law...that your air cond went out amidst a heatwave. I loved reading your account of the fixing of the problems. You have a humerous way about you.

HermanTurnip said...

Oh yeah. Been there. Done that. And $300 later we were one again the owners of a functional air conditioner. *sigh*

Marg said...

Great story, sounds like something that would happen to us. Sure doesn't sound like any fun. Hope it keeps on running. Have a great week.

MadPriest said...

What the internet needs is more photos of French maids on sites that you don't have to pay for or end up being bombarded by Viagra spam. Well done. Keep up the good work.

*The blatantly sexist elements of the above comment are excused by the "He's English" get out clause contained in the International PC Directive (2009).

Sleepypete said...

That made me LOL :-)

After the monsoon here, it's thinking about getting warm again. I had a good day at work today. Or rather I had a good working day today where I was sitting in an air conditioned car for 4.5 hours of it cos of travelling :-)

Au and Target said...

Ugh how nasty! We wish you cool breezes! And an AC man who doesn't charge the earth :-)

Daryl Edelstein said...

i am so happy i missed this .. that storm cancelled a lot of flights into LaG and JFK .. lucky for moi I was headed to Newark!

Jo said...

Glad you're cool & comfy now. We've been lucky, it's been much cooler than usual for CA.

Love the pictures that tell your story--the elephant & Psycho made me laugh. And Hope is one seriously cute little lady.

christopher said...

Excellent...I love the 'approaching the a/c unit' picture.

Sallie (FullTime-Life.com said...

OMG! Late (catching up) but how awful......I do love your cleaning outfit there in that one picture!

Misty DawnS said...

I sympathize... really I do, but you had me laughing out loud!

P.S. We don't have any air conditioning, except for a little window one in the bedroom. :-(

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