... set in I was cleaning the house and enjoying the fresh coolness of my central air
Temperatures surpassed 100 degrees (Fahrenheit) and barely cooled to 90 as the picturesque NJ night crept in
I was feeling mighty warm but assumed it was a hot flash spell
Until I checked the thermostat. Set for 76 it read 83. Remember now, all temps are Fahrenheit. We don't know nothin' bout Celsius and metrics here in these mighty States of United. We don't need to learn.
In keeping with the basic flow of my clusterfuck of a life my AC unit was dying on Day One of a Heat Wave.
At dawn on Thursday (Day Two) I approached the unit ...
... confirmed that it was a good for nothing lazy bastard and called the AC guy. Guess what? AC guys are busy during a heat wave. Who'd of thunk it!
Thankfully the house is populated with ceiling fans
which really work to circulate air. They are especially helpful when circulating CONDITIONED air. If you chose to use them in plain old regular air during a motherfreaking heat wave you might as well just sit in an ...
Regrettably there is no man with a big hose in my life
So I needed to take tons of showers alone
AC guy arrives Friday evening and after two expensive hours of investigation he declares that we need an electrician. An electrician on Friday night during a heat wave just north of the Jersey Shore. No problem.
Our regular guy had gone fishing. I was going to check Angie's List but the laptop was overheating and surprisingly didn't respond well to a cold drink.
but with the wizard like skill of reading and calling I was able to find an emergency (aka very expensive) electrician who managed to show up on a Friday night and jiggle a few wires.
So as the heat wave busting storms rolled in ...
old not so faithful began turning and conditioning and as I publish this the temp inside this here palace of mine is a lovely 74. Of course it's fucking 60 outside right now but I choose not to dwell on the ironic.
For all of Hope's fans - she was visiting her cousins and had sleepovers all over NYC in order to remain as cool on the outside as she is on the inside.
I want YOU to be cool