Saturday, September 1, 2012

Can You Read Me Now?

My long connectivity nightmare is over.

After days of turn on/turn off, check connection, check plug, my back is on fire.
Why are plugs and outlets and connections always behind heavy furniture that only dust bunnies can reach?

After days of “for quality purposes your call may be recorded” and “the estimated wait time for speaking with a technician is 20 minutes to never”, I figured out the problem on my own.

Not before I spoke to Peter and Gary and Roger and Sean. Together we pinged and dinged and donged their schlongs. They were impatient and humorless. Peter was especially abrupt and I asked if I could please speak to Sanjay back in India; he was smart and funny and polite. Peter was not amused.

I assume he has a degree from MIT and this is all he can find in this economy. Tough shit Peter; learn to be grateful

At some point last weekend my McAfee anti-virus software sent out an automatic update that merged and mushed and mingled with signals from Curiosity on Mars to create a perfect storm of un-connectedness.
I discovered this by having this odd feeling that my firewall might be an issue; it has been in the past. So I started hunting around the internet tubes to look for firewall flaming facts. Using the Atari style desktop made the journey so convenient.

Eventually I put together a scenario that could explain my problems. I found a virtual technician (better than a blow-up sex doll) and together VT and I solved my problems.

And it only took a week!

Now of course the phone pole outside is still leaning and my land line still has unbearable static but that could be because Homeland Security broke the pole when they were installing the wiretaps. So each time I hear the static as I try to find a dial tone I say hi to Chris Christie (my big fat douchebag of a governor) or to the horror of a human who runs around my town putting up Obama as Hitler posters.

Bless their hearts.

I am so glad (and grateful Peter!) to be back. I’ll catch up.

I leave you with this …



Jon Stewart says this photo finally explains to him the Obama that the Republicans see.



Thanks Clint, You Made My Day

25 comments:

eViL pOp TaRt said...

I'm glad you're baCK.

Jay Simser said...

I am glad I have a smart, intelligent, beautiful friend who can conquer the Internets...Welcome back,

Mike said...

I think Clint made our day.

Cherie said...

I hate condescending customer service reps. I wonder how smart they'd feel if they were handed a crying baby! lol (I say that having an unnatural fear of being handed crying babies. lol)

Cherie said...

P.S. I just started reading where Travis @ Trav's Thoughts got swept up in the McAfee internet blocking update too. That probably means it's been a national if not international problem. Sounds like McAfee's lost a lot of business over this little fiasco.

ellen abbott said...

so glad you are back. you make my points for me with humor while I just come off as a rant. and no kidding, I have had visits to my blog from the gov'ment including the NSA.

Sallie (FullTime-Life) said...

Oh I'm so glad you're back and thank you for the morning laughs.....and you're so smart as well as so funny, I would be totally at a loss and up to the mercies of those "techs."

Imaginography said...

Glad you are back and I ma too! :) Thanks so much for popping by and leaving a message. Life had been somewhat difficult from early June onwards including health problems but I hope to be visiting and posting more regularly again. Hope things are good with you ~BK

Noe Noe Girl...A Queen of all Trades. said...

Glad you are back up and running. Love me some Clint!
<><

OldLady Of The Hills said...

I so hate the recorded messaes--but sometimes, I hate the actual "LIVE" people, even more...NOBODY KNOWS ANYTHING!!! Or, if one is lucky, you might get a person who knows a little something--
A Needle In A Haystack! OY!

So glad ALL is straightened out now with your computer.....Maybe the phone line will get corrected soon, too!

Clint. I am soooo very disappointed in him. What an A***ole!

Ron said...

Yaaaaaaaaay...glad you're back, dearest lady!

And kudos to you for figuring it out.

You GO, girl!

X ya!

DJan said...

I knew Clint was a Republican, but I never knew he was a nutcase. Now I do... I loved this post.

Rambling Woods said...

Oh been there..done that..but not with as much humor as you..nice to see you back...

Linda Reeder said...

Oh, I missed you! so glad you are back. Nobody says it like you do.

Gina Duarte said...

Welcome back!

Linda said...

I just read that Travis had the same problem with his McAfee but didn't know what the problem was either. Sounds like they managed to screw over a lot of people with their last update and I bet they aren't sorry one iota.

McMorons.

Jackie said...

I missed you, glad you're back and still smiling despite the ****wittery. Well done you for sorting it out :)

christopher said...

As you know and explain with great wit...the world is a pretty strange place at times.

Ivanhoe said...

You fixed it yourself? Wow! That's awesome and sad at the same time. You know, the people out there are not doing their job...
Hugs from Ohio,
I.

HermanTurnip said...

WooHoo! Glad to hear that you're back online! I don't know how I'd retain my sanity if I were forced to remain offline for a week. I swear I'm not addicted. I can stop anytime I want...

Daryl said...

hoooray!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Au and Target said...

We're glad to see you're back and with your humour intact!

Lowell said...

"...donged their schlongs"? Heh, heh! You are so funny But shouldn't it be schlonged their dongs? Just wondering.

Boy with Christie and the horror of a human ... you've got it tough. Maybe you should move to Florida. We've got a criminal for a governor but at least he's skinny.

Glad you're back up. Oh, wait, that's what you said to Agassi...:-)

Hilary said...

I'm glad you're back. Clearly your sense of humour ever lost its connection.

CrystalChick said...

I'm having a few computer issues too and am just not looking forward to pinging, dinging, and donging schlongs. Thanks for the big laugh though. ;)
Isn't our Gov just wonderful? BLEH! NOT!!!