Thursday, February 28, 2008

My Mother Made Me Say It

Although it is a cliché, fodder for cheesy sit-coms there is also more than a grain of truth to the myth that we all hear out Mother’s voice come out of our mouth at some point in our lives. This is not restricted to Moms/Daughters – I more often hear my Nana’s voice, or the voice of the lovely ladies from my childhood neighborhood who looked out for me.

My son has uttered my voice a few times (and he’s not even a parent yet) and it always freaks him out – in a bemused, amused way. He recently told a group of neighbors kids who were playing just a bit too rough – “Yep, it’s all fun and games til someone loses an eye” – When they all laughed at him I was blamed – my usual role, no biggie

1. My mother taught me: TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE."If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finishedcleaning."

2. My mother taught me: RELIGION."You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

3. My mother taught me: TIME TRAVEL."If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"

4. My mother taught me: LOGIC.“Because I said so, that's why."

5. My mother taught me: MORE LOGIC."If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me."

6. My mother taught me: FORESIGHT."Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."

7. My mother taught me: IRONY"Keep crying and I'll give you something to cry about."

8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS."Shut your mouth and eat your supper."

9. My mother taught me: CONTORTIONISM."Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"

10. My mother taught me about STAMINA."You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."

11. My mother taught me: WEATHER."This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."

12. My mother taught me: HYPOCRISY."If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"

13. My mother taught me: THE CIRCLE OF LIFE."I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION."Stop acting like your father!"

15. My mother taught me: ENVY."There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."

16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION."Just wait until we get home."

17. My mother taught me: RECEIVING."You are going to get it when you get home!"

18. My mother taught me: MEDICAL SCIENCE."If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way."

19. My mother taught me: ESP."Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"

20. My mother taught me: HUMOUR."When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."

21. My mother taught me: HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT."If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

22. My mother taught me: GENETICS."I swear you're just like your father."

23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS."Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"

24. My mother taught me: WISDOM."When you get to be my age, you'll understand."

25. And my favorite: My MOTHER TAUGHT ME ABOUT JUSTICE"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!

Actually my son did turn out a lot like me – in the important ways. After that I don’t know what the hell is with him.

I await my grandchildren – so I can listen for my words.

I don't know who compiled this list, I received it in an e-mail that has been probably been traveling the Internet since the beginning of time. You can
See Momism image/book here


Shelly said...

Just sitting here on the couch laughing out loud. Ohhh mommm.

Raven said...

Very funny. Alas, I had no children to pass the damage of my mother's mom-isms on to. I mostly use them to beat up, though I'm working on healing that. I'll probably finally get it on my death bed. Sigh.

On the funny side of the mom-ism front, I remember when one of my now grown nieces was about two, listening and laughing with my sister as her daughter sat lecturing one of her dolls in a voice that sounded remarkably familiar... "I told you...."

Dianne said...

some of them are quite funny shelly, I thought this list was an especially good one.

raven - I use my Mother's words ON myself all the time. I can hear her voice, her words coming out of MY mouth directed at ME. It is an amazing and sometimes troubling thing. My son used to warn his stuffed animals that he would tell me they weren't behaving ;)

Raven said...

Glad you read through the left out words to see that I was trying to say I use my mother's words to beat up on myself. Sad how we do that, isn't it?

Very funny about your son warning his stuffed animals. I love it.

Sparkling Red said...

My poor first husband had to live with my mom's ridiculously high housecleaning standards when we first moved in together. I didn't manage to unclench on that subject for a few years. There's a dirty dish in the sink! The sky is falling! ;-)

Dianne said...

"manage to unclench" - yet another of my new favorite phrases! thanks sparkling red

kenju said...

I love the one about time travel!

Michael Manning said...

Hahaha, Dianne: I loved this. Reminded me of being under my bed with a chair shoved under the bedroom door knob with my Mother screaming that if I didn't open it, she'd take it off the hinges with a hammer. Today, she "conveniently has forgotten" this episode. Boy, not me! :D

SnoopMurph said...

Oh, this is great. I have heard so many of these comments from my mother....she would probably laugh reading this.

One comment she would always make in response to "So?" was "Sew buttons on ice cream." Always got the same response..."Huh??" I say it now and still don't get it.

Love this post!!! Thank you!

Jeni said...

Religion, Logic, More Logic, Foresight, Osmosis, Contortionism, Weather, Envy, Receiving, Medical Science, ESP, Humour, How To Become An Adult, Roots and Wisdom -that's the 60 percent of those I learned from either my Mom or my Grandma. My kids, on the other hand, have received 100% of those things from my telling them those or very similar sayings to them! They frequently repeat them to me today too -along with one other, "I'm not running a freaking restaurant here. You eat what's on the table or go hungry!"

Jo said...

I'm still laughing, thanks for sharing that! For me it's my father's mom is Vietnamese so her reworkings of English metaphor & idioms usually had me laughing so hard she'd break out the wooden spoon & wave it at me :P

bobbie said...

This is such a good post. When my mom didn't understand what I was saying she'd say I was "talking like a bunch of grapes". We all do it, and often don't realize it until we hear our words bouncing back at us from our kis.
Thanks for a fun one.

Dianne said...

that's one of my favorites too kenju ;)

it is a Mother's perogative to conveniently forget Michael LOL, it's funny though - I remind my son of many of our most outlandish escapades and he's the one who has forgotten. I'll never forget the time I picked him up by the shirt collar and lifted him off the floor - he was 6 feet tall, about 180 - yes! I was that angry.

Dianne said...

snoopmurph: "sew buttons on ice cream!?" - I was very big on saying "whatever" and Nana would say "whatever is for elephants" - what the hell did that mean?

ah yes Jeni - I still say that I was never supposed to be running a 24 hour diner!

jo - my Nana spoke in a wonderful mix of Russian and Yiddish and English. I was the one teaching her English so every time she said something funny she'd say "where is my grand-daughter, I have to smack her"

that was a fun one Bobbie :)
I love "talking like a bunch of grapes"

Leighann said...

Those are hysterical (and true!) My mom is here this morning and I read them to her, we laughed out loud at most of them!

Odat said...

So true....and funny.

bobbie said...

Dianne, to get off the subject for a moment, I started to do a post about and mentioned you and Every Day Kindmess. Then I thought maybe I should clear it with you first.

Michael Manning said...

Dianne: You've got me laughing now reading your response. I can't see cool, groovy Dianne lifting her son off the floor like Clint Eastwood. I gave my parents many such episodes that ended similarly.

Yes, now I can laugh! :D)) Have a great weekend my friend

Dianne said...

Hi to your Mom leighann! funny, I just left a "Mom" related comment over at your blog. It's a Mommy kind of day :)

odat: the fact that they're true is definitely what makes them even funnier.

feel free Bobbie - I'm honored any time someone thinks enough of my stuff to mention.

ahhh - I like the Clint Eastwood reference! Michael - he made me so angry I felt super-human.

bobbie said...

Thanks, Dianne. I put a link in there for you. I like to see people coming your way. I know it will make them happy.

Akelamalu said...

It's called the Mother's Bible! I have used all those sayings, just as my mother did before me, and her mother before her etc., etc., etc., etc., :)

pink dogwood said...

Hilarious -I am still laughing. I have become so much like my mother. When I was a teenager, she used to come home and grumble about the clutter that we caused and I used to think what is her problem. Now I come home from work and first few sentences out of my mouth are "pick up those shoes" "How many times have I asked you to hang your jacket" and on and on.

Great post

Minnesotablue said...

Dianne: Do those quotes bring back memories! My Mom has said them all!Mom would always say "YEA RIGHT!" when we tried to compliment her and the dirty underware quote stayed with me for years!

Dianne said...

that's a lovely thing to say bobbie, thank you

and the generations after us akelamalu! that's what makes them so real

pink dogwood - I'll never forget the first time I told my son to lower the music!

minnesotablue - the underwear one stayed with me too! plus the one about my face freezing that way.

Skittles said...

Hahahaaa!!! I've not only heard most of these from my mom, but I've said them to my kids and now I hear my kids saying them to their kids. :)

Dianne said...

and the beat goes on skittles! :)

Farmer*swife said...

Too funny! That came just as I needed it because I was having a round-and-round with my 4 1/2 year old. She's smarter and a better arguer than I.

So, unfair. I was a well behaved child like my son. I don't know where this wild spirit of hers came from.

I only know? I've got it in for me when she actually gets old enough to act the age she acts now. Gosh, say a prayer for me please!