Mom's Day

mothering comes in all sizes and shapes and ages and genders
nurturing is something anyone with a pure heart and a good soul can do

all over the nation today priests and reverends and ministers will take advantage of this day to preach about the sanctity of marriage
they will be un-god like
they will criticize our President for finally listening to his heart and his children

shame on them

Biology is the least of what makes someone a mother.  ~Oprah Winfrey

All of us have moments in our lives that test our courage. Taking children into a house with a white carpet is one of them. ~ Erma Bombeck

To nourish children and raise them against odds is any time, any place, more valuable than to fix bolts in cars or design nuclear weapons. -- Marilyn French

Making the decision to have a child – it’s momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body .-Elizabeth Stone

Your kids require you most of all to love them for who they are, not to spend your whole time trying to correct them.  ― Bill Ayers



And On We Go ...

" ... and it breaks my heart"

With all the division in this country the California Supreme Court has today managed to create one more divide.

18,000 couples who were married in the brief shining moment between the legalization of gay marriage and the vile vote for Prop 8 will remain married BUT ...

The California Supreme Court upheld Prop 8.

Imagine explaining to your child that his friend's parents are married but you are not and you're not allowed to.

The decision just came down a few moments ago but I have already heard some talking head from some "Christian" group belching forth about how the court had no choice but to uphold the "overwhelming" voice of the people.

Asshat - it was 52%. Get your head out of your - uh - hat - and do some 3rd grade math.

And I wonder what the vote would truly have been had the measure been clear. How many didn't get that in order to support gay marriage you had to say No to Prop 8? As a nation we're not exactly famous for our reading the fine print skills. Plus there were reports that elderly and English as a Second Language voters were intentionally misled. I experienced this phenomenon first hand during the Presidential campaign when I sat in a synagogue and listened to a rabbi tell the mostly elderly worshippers that Barack Obama was a "Muslim" who would do "all he can to undermine the safety of Israel" and "compromise the safety of Jews in America".

So says the word of God?

How many were frightened by the lies spread by groups like the Mormon Church, The Roman Catholic Church, The Knights of Columbus and all those loving, caring, giving "values" oriented groups that pop up during elections like pimples on a teenager.

I can't believe this is where we still sit as a nation. As allegedly free and equal people. It is shameful and hateful, ignorant and unconstitutional.

The Courage Campaign has plans to air an ad to keep the word out. You can read more about it HERE

HRC has tons of information about the next steps and about the state of equality throughout the nation.

I had no plans to post today but this travesty demands the light of day.

I remain firm in my belief that not one of us is equal unless we are all equal. No one's rights are guaranteed unless everyone's rights are guaranteed.

It's not over ...

my post title comes from the song in this VIDEO

When The Universe Speaks

Anger is a powerful emotion, rage is “hawt” and a good rant is almost as good as good sex.

But …

Woman can not live by rage alone. In responding to comments on yesterday’s post I mentioned the unholy trio of humor and irony and snark - and trust me – I love them and I’ll never forsake them.

But …

Sometimes the universe sends you a signal. Actually the universe is always sending signals; we’re just too busy to receive. I woke up really early this morning and decided to watch The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson. He’s always on my DVR. Expecting the usual hilarity I was a bit disappointed to see his guest would be Archbishop Desmond Tutu. I thought I wasn’t in the mood for any serious talk. How silly of me to underestimate both of them.

Their conversation was wonderful. Craig proved again that he can talk to anyone about anything and I was reminded once more that Desmond Tutu is a lovely man. He has a wonderful giggling laugh and tells fantastic stories.

At one point in their conversation Craig was rewarded by Father Tutu with a gentle pat on the hand and a brilliant smile for this quote …

“Resentment is like taking poison and expecting the other person to die”

I have seen this quote attributed to author and all around rascal Malachy McCourt.

Craig and Archbishop Tutu continued their conversation about the balance of good and evil, about the resiliency of the human spirit and about the grace required to achieve true freedom.


In a complete full circle moment, as Oprah would say, a friend called me to remind me that today was the day Ken Starr was going to court to continue his assault on gay families. He was planning on watching live feed with his husband and children and was just touching base with me since he claims that, in the past, I have made him feel calmer and given him something to hold on to. I told him about my rant from yesterday and then told him I had just watched Craig and Archbishop Tutu.

He loved that I mentioned Tutu since it reminded him of this …

Archbishop Tutu has vocally challenged discrimination on the basis of sexual orientation. In a 2004 article in The Times (London), he condemned persecution on the basis of sexual orientation, comparing it to apartheid. "We struggled against apartheid in South Africa, supported by people the world over, because black people were being blamed and made to suffer for something we could do nothing about—our very skins," he wrote. "It is the same with sexual orientation. It is a given. I could not have fought against the discrimination of apartheid and not also fight against the discrimination that homosexuals endure, even in our churches and faith groups."

And that made him - and me - feel stronger.

If you would like to see the Craig and Archbishop Tutu episode go HERE

If you would like to help protect my friend’s family and all the others from Ken Starr and people like him you can sign a petition HERE

While there click on the ‘Launch The Wall’ button – the lies and ugliness there needs to be drowned out. The darkness there needs to have a giant light shining down upon it.

And on we go …

the photo of Craig and Father Tutu is from The Late Late Show site linked above
the photo of that beautiful family is from The Huffington Post

My Two Favorite Oscar Moments

EDIT - Tuesday Morn - the videos of various acceptance speeches, including the one below, appear to be disappearing and reappearing on Youtube

Here's a link to the page ON YOUTUBE where I found many of them.

And here is a link to the TEXT OF DUSTIN’S SPEECH

There is also a link at COURAGE CAMPAIGN where you can send a message to Dustin Black as well as learn more about the on-going struggle for equal rights



when he thanked his Mom for always loving and supporting him, even when there was pressure not to - pulled at my heart



I have always been a Sean Penn fan and I fully recognize that he can be a royal ass at times but I feel his intentions are always true, from his heart. And last night - he was perfect.

Precious Time

I saw this video at PAGAN’S place earlier today and it broke my heart. I always feel a sense of urgency about human rights. How long is an acceptable waiting period to be equal? If you’re the person whose rights are being trampled on I imagine a moment can feel like forever.



So I planned on posting the video and linking back to my dear wonderful friend Pagan. I planned on doing it tomorrow.

And I went about my day. A pretty crappy day actually – full of annoyance and a backache and worries.

My last chore for my crappy day was to put out the recycling container. And I ran into my neighbor from across the road. He looked drawn and tired – crushed actually. One of his closest friends just died.

I met this friend. He was 53 (same age as me), married to a wacky and wonderful woman. They have a beautiful teenage daughter. We met at a backyard party. He instantly took my son under his wing, turned out they do the same kind of work. We all spent an incredibly lovely evening together.

As I walked back up my driveway with tears in my eyes and a knot in my stomach I was thinking of how he was the same age as me, of how he had spoken longingly of retirement, of the way I caught him looking at his daughter – full of love and protection and pride. I remembered his eyes when he took me aside to tell me what a great guy my son was – how he knew how hard it must have been to be a single Mom – especially back in the day – in Brooklyn. Turns out we all grew up in the same neighborhood.

As I stepped into my side door all the wind rushed out of my sails.

What if he had been waiting to find out if his marriage was still “valid”? If it was “legal” to be married to the person he was raising a child with. The person he had been committed to for 20 years.

Life is so fragile. Time is so fleeting.

It is a disgrace that love needs to be defended. It is a disgrace that people feel they can attack love.

It is a tragedy to waste this precious time.

I hope you will go to COURAGE CAMPAIGN and sign the petition. It is 3 items down on the left side.

While I Ignore Rick Warren ...

While Rick Warren is raising his tainted voice in prayer today I wanted to send out into the global air other voices.

These quotes come from quotegarden.com

The photo is from The NY Times


Why is it that, as a culture, we are more comfortable seeing two men holding guns than holding hands? ~Ernest Gaines

Who would give a law to lovers? Love is unto itself a higher law. ~Boethius, The Consolation of Philosophy, A.D. 524

No government has the right to tell its citizens when or whom to love. The only queer people are those who don't love anybody. ~Rita Mae Brown, speech, 28 August 1982

You could move. ~Abigail Van Buren, "Dear Abby," in response to a reader who complained that a gay couple was moving in across the street and wanted to know what he could do to improve the quality of the neighborhood

War. Rape. Murder. Poverty. Equal rights for gays. Guess which one the Southern Baptist Convention is protesting? ~The Value of Families

The important thing is not the object of love, but the emotion itself. ~Gore Vidal

If Michelangelo had been straight, the Sistine Chapel would have been wallpapered. ~Robin Tyler

The Lord is my Shepherd and he knows I'm gay. ~Troy Perry

God has given you one face, and you make yourself another. ~William Shakespeare

Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. ~Dr. Seuss

To know what you prefer, instead of humbly saying "Amen" to what the world tells you you ought to prefer, is to keep your soul alive. ~Robert Louis Stevenson

Do not follow where the path may lead. Go, instead, where there is no path and leave a trail. ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

The individual has always had to struggle to keep from being overwhelmed by the tribe. If you try it, you will be lonely often, and sometimes frightened. But no price is too high to pay for the privilege of owning yourself. ~Friedrich Nietzsche

Homophobia is like racism and anti-Semitism and other forms of bigotry in that it seeks to dehumanize a large group of people, to deny their humanity, their dignity and personhood.
Coretta Scott King

I believe all Americans who believe in freedom, tolerance and human rights have a responsibility to oppose bigotry and prejudice based on sexual orientation.
Coretta Scott King

And this last one is from Rick Warren …

We're a nation of laws, but the good thing about America, is that laws reside in the people and people can change the laws.

We’re working on it Rick, thanks for the encouragement.

Invoking Hatred on Inauguration Day

First of all I want to note that I used GOODSEARCH.COM for all my research and it works great so please check the previous post for details and chose a charity and get to doing some searching of your own.

I feel like going back and searching – ‘what the hell was Dianne thinking’.

I was doing tons of research about the Inaugural Invocation and Rick Warren and his ‘church’ and I was struck down numb. Just numb from the sheer amount of crap I had to read to fully understand Rick Warren. I always check all points of view and in doing so had to swallow hard and force myself to read garbage.

So – I had all my quotes ready and my links to sources and then I just set it aside. I went over to my Photo Blog and posted sky shots. I told myself it is the holiday season, just be happy.

Be happy and gay …

Oh wait! That would be a problem. I can be happy. Or. I can be gay. But …

I better not expect to be both.

Cause if I’m gay then I don’t matter. According to Rick Warren I would represent 2% of the population – I assume God checks Rick’s numbers for him – and I would be an “abomination” and 5000 years of goodness tells everyone that I don’t matter.

Why do I care about Rick Warren?

Because President Obama has chosen him to give the Inaugural Invocation. MY President!! The one I campaigned for. The one I donated money I couldn’t afford to part with to. My hope for better times – where ALL people are openly included.

I looked up ‘Invocation’ on wikipedia and a few other sources. Check it out - HERE. It reads like the definition of hocus pocus.

Why does a state ceremony require an invocation? Why can’t we finally live the separation of church and state? Obama said he was devoted to the Constitution – to bringing it back to the days before Bush. He further affirmed that he was dedicated to insuring that the ‘practice of America lives up to the promise of America’.

So he chooses Rick Warren …

John Adams took the oath of office with his hand on a book of US laws, not a Bible. Imagine that. That happened in 1825 and the country lived to tell about it. No religious forces were harmed in the making of that Inauguration.

In researching Rick Warren I came upon many people suggesting Rabbi David Saperstein would have been a better choice to give the invocation. I’m not going to agree since I don’t think there should be an invocation but I will share with you a bit of a speech the rabbi gave back when Bush was trying to ammend the Constitution to tell gay people they aren’t Americans …

The fight for equality is uniquely tied to the history of this nation. From the suffrage movement to the civil rights movement to the gay rights movement minorities in this country have worked tirelessly to achieve equal rights as guaranteed to them by the founding vision of the United States. As long as injustice remains pervasive within our community, we will continue this fight for equality until our dream of equal rights for all is realized.

This Amendment is not about protecting families. Certainly my family will not be hurt by giving states the freedom to recognize the committed relationship of two loving adults. How can two loving adults coming together to form a family harm family values? Are our families and marriages and communities so fragile and shallow that they are threatened by the love between two adults of the same sex? This bill is about targeting scapegoats; and as a people who have been the quintessential scapegoats of Western civilization; we stand with our gay and lesbian brothers and sisters saying that this bill is immoral and unjust.

You can read more HERE

While reading about the rabbi that magic 2% number popped up again. Seems that there are ‘Christian groups’ who think the ‘Democratic party is being turned over to Jews’ and that ‘2% of the population is being encouraged to run the country’ – these comments and many far more offensive were published back when the rabbi was chosen to speak at the Democratic National Convention. I will not link to these sources. They do not deserve further exposure. Unfortunately they are easy enough to find anyway.

Imagine being a gay Jew. I assume hell has a special chamber for them.

Nana would have been heartbroken by the sites I found and their filth. She was always so proud to be an American. And a Jew. And she loved her gay son – my uncle Johnny – with all her heart. She knew. She didn’t care.

I have been so looking forward to the Inauguraton. So proud of the triumph of a man who means so much to me. So happy that someone who is of similar background to my own son became President.

I mentioned this to my son. And he rolled his eyes at me. He told me he doesn’t believe gays should marry either. He doesn’t see the sad irony in one excluded group having no problem excluding another.

Worse than exclusion! Rick Warren targets gay Americans.

I told him then he should believe his own marriage doesn’t count either.

And then I really missed Nana – she would have climbed on a chair and smacked him in the head. Gently of course because Nana believed in loving everyone. Even when they are so clearly misguided.

I guess I’ll need to mute at least one portion of the Inauguration.

My dear friend at PAGAN SPHINX posted about this as well. She is far more concise and eloquent than I am. And my deepest apologies to her for almost not bothering to post about this. I will not let that happen again.

If any one of us is neglected then we are all neglected.

It tells a story and I can sing along - and Jesus shows up!! - I give it a 10

This delights me on so many levels …

First of all – what a collection of talented people.

Then - it addresses one of my favorite pet peeves – people who use the Bible to fit their own agenda.

And it brings up how, if it makes money, it usually ends up being as American as apple pie. In this case I pray that’s true.

Enjoy.
I could not get the embedded version to work

PROP 8 – THE MUSICAL

Hats off to LAVENDER LILY. I found this on her blog.

Please check out the HRC and Join The Impact links on my sidebar. This ain’t over until gay marriage is legal in all 50 states.

An E-Mail from The HRC

Here are parts of an e-mail that all members of the Human Rights Campaign received last night.

I thought I would post a few pieces from it since it exhibits the care and restraint I have been searching for.

In the face of JUSTIFIED anger toward those who campaigned to take away basic human rights and those who voted overwhelmingly to support obscene laws the HRC says ...

But as the LGBT community and its allies exercise our uniquely American right to protest, I hope we will remember that our actions in the streets will set the tone for the ongoing debate about marriage equality.

In responding to the Mormon Church and the Catholic Church and the African-American community (among many others) the HRC says ...

As we ask communities of color and religious communities to engage and partner with us, we must, in turn, demonstrate our commitment to the people and issues they care about. We must show that we will not turn away from the forty-seven million uninsured once we have domestic partner benefits, and that non-discrimination laws are not complete justice when legions of children are denied equal opportunity due to failing schools, violence, and racism.

And so every member of HRC has been asked to sign a pledge ...

I pledge today to:

* Model love and justice, even as I feel anger and pain.

* Show leadership by publicly investing in the well-being of others, including those who do not yet understand our cause;

* Demonstrate my commitment to communities of color and religious communities and issues they care about;

* Help others who have experienced discrimination understand that putting the rights of one minority up for a vote puts everyone's rights at risk; and

* Confront my neighbors with my love - especially my neighbors who come from backgrounds different from mine.

I hope we all learn a little about grace. I did.

You can visit the HRC by clicking their icon on my sidebar.

I found these photos HERE

Holding Back My Words

I’ve decided I’m only going to post on THE PHOTO BLOG this week. I have a ton of photos that I’ve edited and want to share.

And I’m sick of the sound of my own voice.

After the excitement of President-Elect Obama settled a bit I was horrified at the developments in CA and several other states. The rights of gay Americans have been screwed with yet again. It feels like one step forward, two steps back.

My anger and disappointment regarding these events comes from several places –

People who are so bigoted, or naïve or ignorant or bullied by their church that they could vote to deny someone the same rights they have

Organized religions pouring tons of money into smear campaigns – campaigns of hate and ignorance and fear – I guess all the children in the world are fed and clothed and healthy – so they have money to spare to do their idea of God’s work.

President-Elect Obama’s lukewarm stand on gay rights. He does not support gay marriage and that disappoints me. I can guess at his reasons but I’ll leave that for another day.

Obama supporters have been overwhelmingly silent on this matter

In my mind progress for one without progress for all is not good enough.

Please click on the HRC logo on my sidebar and check out the issues for yourself and how you can help.

I also came across a site that is hosting ‘Let Freedom Ring’ – you can check it out HERE. Read some of the stories on the linked blogs and perhaps you too will get a sense of how Prop 8 and the other amendments affect real people.

I know for a fact that had my Uncle Lee been straight he would have been given custody of me when I was a child and my life, certainly my childhood, would have been decidedly better.

And that was 50 years ago!!

And here we are today.

I struggled this weekend with my decision not to take part in ‘Let Freedom Ring’ and I’m still not sure I made the right decision.

I think ‘Let Freedom Ring’ is a brilliant exercise in community support and a powerful exhibition of justified outrage.

I also think it will offend some.

Normally I don’t give a shit but I’m trying out the restraint that our President-Elect shows in the face of hate and ignorance. Of course it’s easy for me in this case since I am not directly affected.

As I traveled the internet visiting Peace Posts I couldn’t help but notice election related posts, the events were but a day apart.

And some of the election posts, even a few of the peace posts, pissed me off and made me sad.

There were posts carrying on about how we’re not “safe” anymore

Posts about socialism written by people who had clearly never looked up the word or listened to President-Elect Obama

As I visited friends I saw comments from some of the same people who have been attacking President-Elect Obama since the day he began his campaign.

I’m not talking about people who disagree on policy.

I’m talking about people who clearly are racist. They may not think they are, they may not be the kind of people who would burn a cross on your lawn. But they are racists none the less.

The way they refer to Obama supporters as though we are all unemployed, welfare cheats.

The way they blithely dismiss the historical impact of 1 out of 44 Presidents being someone other that a white male.

The way they mock community work and enthusiastic political involvement. One blog referred to it as “drinking the Kool-Aid”.

And you can clearly sense their outrage and their discomfort with the fact that people not like them were organized enough to get a President elected. That just kills them. And they’re ugly about it.

And so I want to respond in kind. I want to call a racist a racist. I want to call a fat comfortable white person out on their assumptions.

I also want to ask what the fuck they think has been going on for 8 years. Who the hell got us where we are now? But I stop.

And I stop because I want to show the same level of restraint that President-Elect Obama manages to show in the face of hate and ignorance.

And I stop because there are people in blog-land who are trying a different way. And I respect and care about those people. People on both sides of the issues. People like Ralph and Patti. People like Bond. People like Travis.

So I need to decide how to say what needs to be said.

I need to decide whether my decision regarding ‘Let Freedom Ring’ was the more mature, unifying me. Or the tired copping out me.

But at this moment I am sick of the sound of my own voice.

So visit the pretty photos over at the Photo Blog. And visit your own heart as well.

Peace.

In Honor of Uncle Lee

"We were raised by wolves."

Every family has favorite lines, those things that someone said at a party, at Thanksgiving dinner, during a drunken wedding toast. These lines get repeated and eventually say so much to (and for) all those who were there the first time they were uttered.

At my sister’s wake people, well meaning I’m sure, kept asking why she had killed herself. I guess to find a way to wrap their minds around it or to simply have something to say. At one point my baby brother told one of the poor well meaning inquisitors …

"We were raised by wolves."

I fucking hate him for having sole credit for one of the best lines ever – in a family of sarcastic bastards no less. How dare he assume my role! I’m the oldest, I took the most crap, I should get all the best lines …

Actually I’m glad that line is his. He keeps it all in and I know that line is often the only thing he needs to hear to keep the top from popping off. Sometimes he’ll call me and simply say “So Di, how were we raised?”

"We were raised by wolves."

And on we go …

I’m not going to go into a lot of family drama anecdotes – you’ll just have to wait for the book. My father was a drunken abusive nut case, my mother was clinically depressed – she slept while her husband abused her children and her oldest child tried to raise them and protect them.

Neighbors would call the police, my aunts and uncles would beg her to throw my father out but in the end nothing happened and we did our best to survive.

As I got older I did what many children from abusive homes do – I drank, I experimented with drugs, I was promiscuous. When the people who are supposed to love you more than life itself clearly don’t you have very little self esteem and you act out.

Let me tell you I was one hell of a ball of rage and crazed bravado. I was very bright, very articulate, and I looked older than I was.

During this time I would hang out in Manhattan a lot. Bensonhurst, Brooklyn didn’t hold anything for me. I was a teenager in the late 60s and “the city” was the place to be. Lucky for me I loved books and art and theater. I would spend all day at museums and the “big library”. My Mom’s brother, Uncle Johnny, worked for a sightseeing company and I’d go by his post in midtown and he’d put me on the tour bus or give me money for a Broadway matinee. Uncle Johnny had his issues, all my aunts and uncles did, they were the elders of a family full of people who didn’t talk about anything. He’d ask me if I was “OK” and I could always tell by the look in his eyes that he really wanted me to say “Yes” and I did. At this point I had given up on the idea that adults were any more powerful than I was, in many ways I knew better than they did.

Uncle Johnny had a roommate, they shared a wonderful apartment full of books and music and art on the Upper West Side. Uncle Lee was the coolest guy I had ever met. He looked like a movie star, he could sing and dance and when he asked you a question he waited for an answer. He looked into your eyes when you spoke.

Uncle Johnny and Uncle Lee didn’t spend much time with the rest of the family. It wasn’t until I sought them out that I got to know them. I didn’t realize at first that they were lovers; I didn’t really understand what gay was. I barely understood straight sex even though I was having it all the time. My understanding of the world was very closed minded Bensonhurst mixed with an episode of ‘Cops’ shot in the worst trailer park you could imagine.

Since Uncle Lee worked nights – he was in the theater! – I spent a lot of time with him during the day. He’d take me to lunch, he’d go with me to see a play, he’d get me books and then ask me about them after I read them. He convinced me to be more careful – he told me I was too smart to treat myself the way I did.

Years later I learned that Uncle Lee tried to get involved in helping me, and my brothers and sister. Since he wasn’t “family” he didn’t get very far and Uncle Johnny couldn’t or wouldn’t back him up. I don’t blame Johnny – there was so much insanity going on at so many levels in the family. And how much can you do when your sister, the mother of the children you’re trying to protect, keeps telling everyone that nothing is wrong.

Uncle Lee is always there in my memories – I’ll read a book and wonder if he’d like it, I’ll hear a Broadway tune and think of him humming along, I’ll take a photo and wonder if he’d see something in it. I loved that most about him – he saw things, he paid attention, he was invested in the world.

Yesterday I thought of Uncle Lee and I was so furious and so frustrated.

In my daily need to know what’s going on in the world I came across this –

An excerpt from John McCain’s NY times interview:

Q: President Bush believes that gay couples should not be permitted to adopt children. Do you agree with that?
Mr. McCain: I think that we’ve proven that both parents are important in the success of a family so, no I don’t believe in gay adoption.
Q: Even if the alternative is the kid staying in an orphanage, or not having parents.
Mr. McCain: I encourage adoption and I encourage the opportunities for people to adopt children I encourage the process being less complicated so they can adopt as quickly as possible. And Cindy and I are proud of being adoptive parents.
Q: But your concern would be that the couple should be a traditional couple
Mr. McCain: Yes.

Really Mr. McCain? Mom and Dad/male and female/boy and girl – are the only way a child can be raised successfully? Really?

I’ll spare you all the quotes where McCain tried to back peddle. He basically said that when all else wasn’t available then he guessed it would be better for a child to be with gay parents than no parents. What a guy! A humanitarian even!

I don’t know what might have been if Uncle Lee and Uncle Johnny were married. Hell they weren’t even out. Lee was always the roommate. Would Uncle Lee have had more say? I assume so. All the other spouses did. Would Uncle Johnny have been happier if he could have lived out loud with the person he loved? I’m sure he would have been.

What I do know is that Uncle Lee was a huge influence in my young crazy life. He saw things in me that I assumed were of no value and he made them important. I was important. He wanted me to be safe, he wanted me to be happy and he tried his best in an impossible situation to do all he could for me.

And that is a parent.

So Mr. McCain – in honor of Uncle Lee – I respectfully wish to tell you to go fuck yourself and the dinosaur you rode in on.

(the image is from familiesjoinedbylove.com)

"... And I See Your True Colors"

I started writing a story for the Picture Fiction Challenge. And I started writing a story about Human Rights for Bloggers Unite. As I looked at the Main Character photo (see end of post) for the PFC a flood of people and memories and feelings just rushed at me.
This story is a compilation of those people and memories and feelings. Suddenly it just felt right.

Maddie had been living in New York City for a few months but today, the morning after the concert, was the first day that she felt at home. She woke up to all the usual noise outside her window; living above a fruit stand in the middle of ChinaTown was nothing if not bustling. It was a beautiful spring morning so she threw open her tiny window and took in all the chaos. She loved to count the number of languages she heard; she wasn’t sure her counts were accurate; some of the sounds might not be language at all.

This morning the brilliant blue sky and the crystal air made everything seem fresh and clear. The odd combined aroma of fruit and bus fumes was delightful. Did she detect an undertone of urine?

Maddie laughed at her new found cleverness and was thrilled to realize that laughter felt natural to her now. She had come so far, so fast. She stretched out in bed and felt satisfied. So much had changed …

On her second day in New York Maddie found an ad on the bulletin board at NYU.

EVP/Operations
International Market Research
Seeks Administrative Assistant

The ad went on to say that experience wasn’t necessary. Maddie loved that part; a lack of experience was something she had lots of. Her appointment was for 10 AM and Maddie was there at 9. The receptionist on the 9th floor told her to go back to the lobby and cross over to the adjoining building. Someone would meet her at the elevator. All the way back down to the lobby Maddie tried to avoid her refection in the security mirror. Was it distorted? Did she look like that? The butterflies in her stomach were trying to escape through her head and she thought for sure that she’d faint. The doors opened and Maddie was greeted by a tall red headed woman wearing jeans and a Janis Joplin T-shirt. “Christ the elevators take forever!” she smiled and reached out to shake Maddie’s hand. “Come outside with me first, I have to have a cigarette – stupid fucking laws, I can’t smoke in the office”. As they stood on the street outside the office building Maddie tried to size up the woman. She thought she was 40-something. She couldn’t figure out her accent – it didn’t sound like NY yet … “You are Maddie!? Right!?” the woman looked stricken and surprised. “I did that once, just went up to a total stranger and assumed they were someone they weren’t”. “What a trip that was”. “I do a lot of stupid shit in any given day”.

Maddie laughed. She assured the crazy woman that she was absolutely Maddie. Crazy woman flicked her cigarette at a taxi, muttered “fucking lunatics” under her breath and headed back inside. Maddie followed, hoping that she’d be able to work with this woman. She made Maddie feel comfortable and safe.

Maddie followed through a maze of small cubicles. Her guide stopped often to talk and laugh and joke with people. Maddie was amazed at how many people worked on this one floor and how they were all so different. Every shape color and size. One of the men who patted the tall red headed woman on the back as she raced by was wearing eye make-up and had orange hair.

Maddie and crazy woman arrived at the end of the hall and entered a huge sunlit office. Crazy woman threw herself onto a huge round table and pointed to chairs and a sofa. “Settle in and we’ll chat for awhile” she said. She ignored the ringing phone. She waved away the people who approached the door. Maddie chose a straight backed chair and crossed her legs at the ankles. She was hoping to look taller and older. “When will I meet Miss Wilkes” she asked. Crazy woman laughed. “I am Miss Wilkes but just call me Denise”. Maddie was shocked and as usual could not adjust her face in time. Denise laughed even louder and shouted out to someone passing in the hall. “She doesn’t believe I’m the boss!” “Perceptive girl!” they shouted back.

Maddie’s job interview lasted for hours. They talked about New York. They talked about the dress code, or lack of. Denise asked about her home town. Turned out Denise’s ex was from a nearby town. “Yes my ex was black” Denise said as Maddie stammered and shook her head. “Well actually he’s probably still black; he’s just not my problem anymore”. Maddie tried to say that wasn’t what she’d been thinking but it was. The towns they were discussing weren’t integrated. The white people from these towns didn’t live there anymore, they just owned everything.

“So you want the job?” Maddie was shocked by the question. “The pay sucks and the new owners are asshats but I promise to teach you everything you need to know to get a real job. And the people here, on this floor – in my departments, are the best. You’ll make friends for life here Maddie”.

Maddie wanted the job.

Maddie’s first weeks at the job went by in a blur. A blur of new names and faces. A blur of Denise’s fast talk and inventive cussing. A blur of more change than she had ever thought possible. One of the guys in the production department got her an apartment. It was tiny and very expensive. Everyone laughed when Maddie said it cost more than her parent’s huge home in South Carolina. “Of course it does sweetie” one of the guys told her, “this is New York”. “They’d have to pay me to live in the South. I’m black and I’m gay, I’d last a day”. More laughter. No one noticed how quiet and uncomfortable Maddie was, she was always quiet.

“We’ve got to liven you up” Denise said one evening. They had been working very late and were now slumped on the sofa. “I’m live enough” Maddie laughed. It hadn’t taken her long to get used to Denise. When she called home her sisters told her she talked too fast. “You’re thinking of home again aren’t you?” It amazed Maddie how often Denise knew what she thinking. “Yes and no” Maddie said, “I miss my sisters but I’m glad to be away from that town”. “You can’t think of home without getting angry?” Denise asked. “I’m not angry” Maddie insisted and Denise let it be. That was one of Maddie’s favorite things about Denise. As outrageous as her behavior could be she was thoughtful and kind. “So how are we going to liven me up?” Maddie asked. Denise suggested they mull that over at dinner. They often had dinner together. Denise loved to go to fancy restaurants dressed in jeans and sneakers. She always asked for a center table and then they would discuss the other diners. Tonight they went to ‘Asian Carnival’ – the food was great and the atmosphere “reeked of pretentious asshatery” as Denise loved to say. Maddie still couldn’t totally believe she was part of this. Thick linen napkins had quickly become one of her favorite things. She had spent an entire Sunday on Orchard Street buying ‘napkin fabric’ so that she could redo her thrift store sofa.

“I know we’re supposed to be talking about you but I just want to throw this out there – I want to get a tattoo before I’m 50”. Maddie smiled and pulled up her skirt slightly. Right above her knee was a tiny tat – a perfect ladybug surrounded by a cloud shaped like a flower. “That’s beautiful” Denise seemed genuinely surprised and delighted. “Does it stand for anything special? And why above your knee? It would look great on your ankle or your shoulder.” “I didn’t want anyone to see it, especially my parents”. Denise seemed unsure of what to ask next and Maddie felt bad about that. She knew Denise wanted to know more about her, she loved Denise – she had never known anyone like her. She had never known many white people period. She laughed to herself now and Denise asked why. “I was just remembering the time you told me not to think all white people were like you”. Denise joined in the laughter mumbling about “the crap that comes out of my mouth”. “It’s way later than I thought it was, I guess we’re not doing anything drastic tonight”. As usual Maddie tried to pay for dinner but Denise wouldn’t allow it. “I’ve told you a million times, the new owners are going to pay for this. If I can’t get them to pay your fairly I can at least get them to feed you. And take a cab home”. As she rifled through her bag Denise pulled out a pair of concert tickets. “I almost forgot! Do you want to come to a concert with me?” Maddie took the tickets, saw Cyndi Lauper’s name and immediately said yes. “I love Cyndi! She’s so …” Denise filled in “unusual and wonderful”. “Just like you Maddie”.

The night of the concert was perfect. It was early June in New York City. It was warm and the streets were full of locals and tourists. Maddie was nervous as she climbed the stairs of the subway out onto 49th Street. Just as she had the day of her interview she avoided her reflection. Although the women in the fruit store had told her she looked beautiful; although she had gotten admiring glances on the train; she was now unsure of her choices. She had decided, at the last minute, after a miserable conversation with her Mother to “liven up her look” as Denise would say. She was wearing a short skirt and a tight shirt. She was wearing loud colors. Maddie spotted Denise already on line and ran over to join her. She’d never get used to standing on line for everything. Usually the crowded streets made her anxious but the buzz around the theater was so upbeat that she couldn’t help but feel happy. “You look amazing!” Denise beamed like a proud Mother. “I didn’t think you owned anything in color”. Maddie felt a rush of love and gratitude. Denise was her best friend and the Mom she had always wanted; accepting, supportive, warm, kind, and loving.

As they entered Radio City a woman handed Maddie a purple rubber bracelet. ‘Erase Hate’ was etched on one side. The other side said ‘The Mathew Shepherd Foundation’. “Isn’t Mathew Shepherd the boy who …?” Again Denise finished her thought. “The boy who was murdered because he was gay. The concert is to fund his foundation and to help the HRC. Grab some pamphlets. You’ll be amazed at all they do”. Maddie headed downstairs to check out the HRC tables as Denise got on line for a drink and a T-shirt. Downstairs Maddie signed on for the HRC newsletter. She spoke to a woman from Florida who was there with her son. She wanted him to be able to marry his lover. Maddie took in everything and everyone around her; there were people of all ages, all colors, all sexes. She laughed at the thought of “all sexes” – that was something Denise would say.

Back upstairs it took Maddie a while to find Denise. “Look what I have for you!” Denise called from the center of a group of people. It was a small tiara. A plastic and feathery tiara. All the men standing around Denise were wearing one; Denise had a purple feather boa draped across her shoulders. Maddie didn’t hesitate to set the tiara on top of her head and they all headed to their seats.

The concert was fantastic. Beth Ditto stomped across the stage, her voice as large as she is as Denise screamed “Power to the Fat Girls”. Erasure sang all their old hits. Rosie O played drums for Cyndi and dissed Elisabitch. Maddie couldn’t believe it when Denise yelled out “I love you Rosie” and Ro threw her drumsticks right to Maddie. Cyndi ended the concert by bringing everyone back on stage. She talked about her gay sister not being allowed to adopt a child; she introduced Mathew Shepherd’s Mom; she thanked everyone for being there, for supporting what should be such a simple thing – allowing people to be who and what they are. Free from hate and fear and discrimination.

The audience got very quiet as Cyndi approached center stage. She was bathed in purple light and up close her face was even more beautiful than Maddie had imagined. She started to sing …

And I see your true colors – shining through
Your true colors and …
That’s why I love you
So … and then she raised her fist in the air and shouted out
DON’T BE AFRAID

And the crowd went wild. Maddie turned to Denise and said “I’m gay”. Denise hugged her and said “I know. I’ve been waiting for you to tell me”. All the years of being confused and ashamed came at Maddie. She burst into tears and Denise hugged her tighter. She mumbled about her parents hating her, the town gossip, the hiding. She told Denise the tattoo was all she had from the love of her life. Her parents had made sure to break them up and she had left town without even saying goodbye. It felt so good to feel the pain. It felt even better to be seen.

Maddie is the young girl who worked for me; her Father threw her out because he discovered she had a girlfriend.

Maddie is my favorite bartender from back in my drinking days. He always made sure I got a cab and he always made sure I “behaved in my misbehavin’ way”. He spent months in critical condition after being beaten by a pack of yahoos while several of NY’s finest looked the other way.

Maddie is my mentor from my first job. He was one of the first victims of AIDS. He died without being able to see his family once more because they refused to be in the same room with his husband.

Maddie is the couple down the road from me. Every day they deal with some level of ‘asshatery’ because there are still people who don’t see a family. They see two men with children they shouldn’t be allowed to adopt. And they think they have the right to question that family. And who can blame them! Doesn’t our government give them that right by refusing to legally acknowledge that family?

I LOVE the serendipity of this post coming on the same day that California recognized the right for gay couples to marry. So little so late but still a victory.

Denise is Matthew Shepherd’s Mom. Grace in the face of unbearable grief.

Denise is the Mom I met at the True Colors concert. Holding hands with her son and his lover and bursting into tears because they couldn’t marry.

Denise is also the Mom I met while volunteering at New York Hospital. Her son had been beaten by drunken teens. They had kicked him and stomped on him while shrieking “Fag”. I was her advocate during a horrendous trip through the absurd workings of the Rudy Giuliani era of the NYPD.

I hope you’ll take a moment to visit The HRC.

We all deserve the right to show our true colors.

These are the PFC photos. I love my Maddie.