Ignore the Cover - Read the Book

This started out as a post about Gilles Marini and Dancing With the Stars. After his incredible performance last night I regained my desire for him to win. For a spell I had abandoned him for Lil’ Kim or Melissa.

In considering how to explain what I saw in Gilles I started to think about appearances and beauty.


Yes I think that's a beautiful photograph but so is this ...



There has been a lot of talk on DWTS about Ty, the rodeo performer, and his drive and his work ethic. I admit to being negative toward Ty based on his distasteful profession but I do recognize that he has improved as a dancer. So what? So has Gilles. Neither has any prior dancing experience, both are athletes and they’re about the same age. Both have performed for an audience.

So is Gilles less inspiring than Ty because he’s so attractive? Is his natural grace less worthy? Gilles is dancing with a shoulder injury. Does it hurt less because he’s considered sexy? Or is it that Ty captures the American audience’s need for cheesy schmaltz. A cowboy trumps a foreigner? I find Gilles' back story to be far more interesting than pictures of Ty as a baby cowboy. He was poor, his Dad worked day and night as a baker, Gilles helped out in the family bakery. His Mom is reduced to tears when she recounts her son’s “superb” attitude. In fact Gilles is often brought to tears by his own accomplishments.

In the interest of keeping this as short as I can I’m leaving out the cheerleader and the Olympic princess. Heaven knows I could go on and on about them. And how "we" relate to them ...

Did Susan Boyle become a Youtube sensation because she could sing? Or was it because people saw an “unattractive” woman who could sing? I found the video inspiring because it started out as all reality shows do – mocking and ugly – and ended in praise and standing ovations. What if Susan had opened her mouth and gobble-de-gook came out? I shudder to think of how the audience would have felt righteous in their immediate assessment of her worth.

I think Susan is beautiful because she had the courage to put herself out there when she really wanted to stay home and mourn the loss of her Mum.

That's what shows in this photo ...


... far more than darker hair and tweezed eyebrows.

And then there is the ugliness associated with the latest beauty pageant. There is so much going on within the Miss California “controversy” that one needs GPS to get to the center. The more that happens the more I feel sorry for the silly little girl. She was clearly inarticulate in her assessment of “opposite” marriage. Then she was bamboozled by professional bigots into becoming their spokesmodel. Now she’s being attacked for being a regular teenager who took some naughty pictures. And today she is going to be judged by a disgusting old rich man with the moral fiber of monkey poop. Talk about putting American values on display.

For me it all goes back to way too much mainstream media influence. Everything is a sound byte. A picture is supposed to tell a story. Context is thrown to the wind and thoughtfulness and insight are discouraged at all costs.
Even Oprah – in all her spiritual glory – felt the need to ask Susan Boyle if she was thinking of getting a makeover. And Susan’s response was that she had “tidied” herself up as all women like to do.

I think we all need to tidy ourselves up. Take the time to read the book.

Screw the cover – it’s an illusion.

This ...



... never represented any Miss - or Ms. - that I know.


the photos of Gilles come from people.com
susan's photo is from Oprah.com
Miss CA's photo is from accesshollywood.com

Wednesday's Wandering Words

I have a few things clanging around in my head so I thought if I emptied them out I might have better focus.

I hate the blog roll on my sidebar. Actually I’ve never liked it. It’s a pain to keep up to date and I’ve always wondered who looks at it anyway. I have never found a new blog through a sidebar list. I either see a comment that intrigues me and I check out the blog or I follow a link in a post and discover someone I enjoy reading.

Two perfect examples of this are BUSTER and THORNE.

I found Buster at DARYL’S place. He is an adopted puppy sharing his life in NYC with an ever growing devoted following. His Mum and Dad seem like wonderful people, she has a great PLACE as well. In fact she's hosting an upcoming Haiku Festival so check it out. Sometimes blogging pets can get too cutesy for me but Buster keeps it real and is a wonderful spokesdog for adopting.

Through my friend PAGAN I found THORNE. She’s a kindred spirit. I’m going to talk more about Thorne in upcoming posts. She is a gardening goddess and a political ally and her blog reflects so many wonderful eclectic subjects.

So – I think I’m going to get rid of the blog roll. This will free up space for badges and links to things that are important to me. I plan on regularly posting about blogs I love and including links to people who are writing about subjects I feel passionate about. Quality, not quantity.

Mia is a pain in the butt! She hates the new diet she’s on and is not shy about letting me know. She stomps around each morning waiting for her usual stuff and then gives me this look when I put down the new food ...



She’s also a bit shaky and that makes me anxious. There’s always been a question of whether she has neurological issues and the stress of being to the vet so many times and a change in her routine has made her a bit more batty.

I continue to give lots of TLC and think good thoughts.

Speaking of anxiety – my disability claim is still under review and money is a constant concern. Just yesterday they asked for something that I sent them weeks ago. I sent it again. Each tiny step appears to have weeks of review in between. Wouldn’t it be wonderful if all of us could work that way?

My ankle and knees hurt more than ever and I know physical therapy would help but without medical insurance that is not possible. I need to begin the process of applying for Medicaid or whatever other state aid I’m supposedly qualified for. Ask 10 agencies and you get 20 answers. I have worked since I was 13 years old. At one point when I was barely 18 I supported myself, my baby and my siblings. Asking for help is not something I am good at.

All this stress has caused a lot of tension on the home front. I have started and stopped many posts on this subject. I’m not good at telling a story without telling the whole story and since this story involves writing about other people I find myself flummoxed at the moment. I will say that my son’s reaction to my current situation is a huge disappointment to me. My DIL and I barely speak and that is heartbreaking to me since my grandchild will be here in just a few weeks. I can’t help but feel that my value here was in my working 2 jobs and contributing enough to make their lives more comfortable. I was never home and bills were always paid. Now that’s changed and so have they. I’d love to talk to the shrink about that but without the insurance I have stopped seeing her.

Enough of that. I’m getting on my own nerves again. Let’s conclude on a silly note.

WTF was with Ty the wooden cowboy making it into the Dancing With the Stars finals over Lil’ Kim. That’s insane. Who is his fan base? Or was it Jewel’s (his wife) fans? Or is that rappers aren’t mainstream prime time TV? The studio audience was shocked and I heard many boos. I won’t argue that Ty improved over the weeks and I suppose he has a regular guy appeal but I’m sorry – he’s boring and bland beyond belief and I continue to despise what he does for a living.

Happy Hump Day kids.

I'm gonna grab my cane and go out and play in a puddle.

Snarking With The Stars

An episode of Dancing With The Stars needs to be reviewed with grace and knowledge. The dances should be introduced and described. The strengths and weaknesses of each pair’s performance should be covered tactfully and respectfully. If you really want to stand out as a reviewer you could include some carefully chosen clips to highlight the dances. That makes for a good DWTS post.

And that’s not what I’m going to do.

If you want quality go to TRAVIS’ PLACE and read his weekly DWTS post. Travis is a gentleman with class and a keen eye for good dancing. He is kind and even tempered and a pure example of the “F” word. Yes – he is Fair.

And that’s not what I’m going to do.

I am going to share with you the twisted thoughts that went through my mind as I watched last night’s episode.

I will be, to steal a line from a recent TV show, your ‘Mistress of the Dark Observation’.

Let’s meet our stars – in no particular order.

Shawn …



This child reminds me of a Muppet. You’ll have to guess which one; it’s not in me to be cruel. If she tells us one more time that she’s “only 17” she’s not going to make it to 18 with a full head of hair and an unscarred face. And what’s with all the talk of “age appropriate”? It’s dancing, not pornography, and it’s on network not cable. For god’s sake! My niece did more suggestive dancing at 12 when she was part of Miss Susan’s School of Dance and Gum Popping. Then again Brooklyn has its own standards.

Chuck …



First of all he’s dancing with his real life girlfriend, a gorgeous blonde with amazing moves. I hope she has someone on the side; if this guy makes love the way he dances … Oy!
The Osmonds have so many freakin’ kids they didn’t realize they misplaced one. Yo Marie! Get the tear ducts oiled up for the reunion. Maybe you can make a doll in Chuck’s likeness or at least knit him an ugly ass sweater for the next “last time we all perform together” extravaganza. This guy is so white he makes Wonder Bread look ethnic.

Ty …



The only cowboy I appreciate is the one wearing ass-less chaps in a pride parade. I despise rodeo. I root for the bull. Actually there’s a good chance this guy has more than his share of horns stuck up there. It would explain the way he moves.

Lawrence …



Fierce. Fine. Ferocious.
On the football field.
I adore you LT. This is not your thing. Let them bring Warren Sapp back to step in for you. Hell, a huge part of the country thinks all black men are interchangeable anyway. As they say in show biz – it’ll play in Kansas. And the rest of us will keep the secret.

Melissa …



You sweet girl you. You bring back such memories of high school. How the cheerleaders were so lovely and perky – and hateful and annoying – and fake and flighty. Every time I catch myself liking you I dig my nails into the fleshy part of my thigh until I draw blood. Then I’m OK again.

Steve-O …



You can’t dance kid. But as Carrie Ann said you’re genuine and honest and touching and lord knows that’s so much more endearing than a lost Osmond or an animal torturer. I hope you stay until only the real dancers are left.

Lil’ Kim …



Props to my girl from Brooklyn! You are looking and dancing like high class royalty Miss Thing. Long gone are the days of Diana Ross tweaking your nipple and in those costumes you sure as hell ain’t carrying.
Keep on keeping on!

Giles …



OMFG! Hotness has a new face – not to mention a tight ass. He is sexy and charming and funny and down to earth. His wife beams and his little boy calls him “Poppa”. Every self destructive woman with no self esteem wants to be his mistress, how could you not!? If you need any more evidence check out his scenes from the ‘Sex and the City’ movie. Just fast forward to the beach resort setting and then look for a giant cock doing a rumba.
10-10-10 Baby!

And there you have it …

LIVE from New Jersey! It’s Snarking with the Stars.

From Drink & Drugs to ... Dance

When I first heard that Steve O would be dancing on this season of Dancing With the Stars I grimaced at the idea. I hate slap-stick, I despise shock jocks and being stupid and reckless for the sake of TV is … stupid and reckless.

What I knew about Steve was that he once stapled his scrotum to his leg for a stunt. He was endlessly arrested for brawling and assaulting and, on slow days, for public urination. Quite the catch eh?

When he did his first dance I couldn’t help but like him. He has a raspy voice and a crooked grin and always has this expression of “Oh crap I’m in trouble”. The crowd liked him and his ‘Jackass’ co-stars were there to cheer him on. Note to head ‘Jackass’ guy – wearing sunglasses inside at night on TV just makes you look like a … a jackass.

I did a little research on Steve and learned that he’s been clean and sober for 9 months after several stints in rehab, a few possession arrests, and a trip (at his request) to a mental hospital. Well now I was intrigued. I love broken people, I adore strugglers and I grab on to stories of survival for the life preservers they are.

At one point during the dancing and then injuring himself cycle of the first 3 weeks of the show Steve mentioned that he wondered why he was doing this when he was still in “the infancy of my recovery”. Last night when asked how it felt to not be eliminated from competition he said – with a big smile – “I’m happy to discover I can handle anxiety without the aid of booze or drugs”.

I doubt Steve will go much further in the dancing competition; he’s just not that good a dancer. I do think he will go far in the rest of his life. I’m rooting for him.

After all … he has the ability to go from this …



… to this.



You can read about Steve, in his own words, on his OFFICIAL SITE
Check out his baby pictures. They’re adorable.

A little Somethin' for Matt-Man

So - I gushed and gushed in yesterday's post over my man Warren and selfish me, I didn't include anything for my pal and fellow patriot MATT-MAN. Or anyone else who thinks Cheryl is hot. You too ladies!

So this is for Matt-Man - I call him Matty but that's cause I'm special (and pushy and presumptuous).

Oh - and all those bloggers and TV talking heads who say she's fat. Kiss my ass! My fat ass!!

Are You Ready For Some Dancing!!?

I am slowly making my way around to all the POW stories and all the Wordzzles. Work is really knocking me on my butt and I can only process bits at a time. Finola deserves more consideration than I can give right now so I'm taking a break from writing.

BUT ...

I am looking forward to the finals of Dancing With the Stars

I love football. I love dancing. Big giant men are sexy. Naughty irreverent men are sexy.

So of course I adore WARREN SAPP

QuarterBack Killa' Becomes Ballroom Thrilla' - his words. Or as he so delightfully puts it during most practice sessions - 'Fat Man Gotta Dance'

It's no surprise to me that football players do well on DWTS. Even if you're not into football watch a series of drives - just a few moments even. Football is a Dance.

As the players line up you can hear the tinkling of starter notes for some jazz number.

Listen for the BAM as the center snaps the ball.

The Quarterback scrambles for position - hear the cymbals, maybe a snare drum.

The defense tries their best to get to him - trombones scream.

He lets the ball fly - a dramatic pause in the crescendo of music.

It falls into the hands of a wide receiver - the ballet toward touchdown begins.

I first realized the football - dance connection while watching Walter Payton -

Sweetness indeed!

And now with Warren ... I am enjoying the ...

Determination

Confidence

Hard Work

Showmanship

Sexiness

Good Luck Warren!! You're Most Definitely My Choice - on and off the dance floor.

For a really good recap of the finals visit my friend TRAVIS HERE . His Tuesday and Wednesday posts this week will be it for the season.

Cloris Leachman

I confess, I watch Dancing With the Stars. I’ve watched since the first season. Mostly I enjoy the dancing and the costumes. I love watching Max’s (one of the pros) butt twitch. I adore Bruno’s (one of the judges) insane metaphors. It also presents more than its fair share of opportunities to be snarky.

And it offers up …

Enter from whatever side of the stage she wants – Cloris Leachman!

The DWTS web site bio for Cloris reads:

Actress Cloris Leachman's storied career has been recognized with nine Emmys, a Golden Globe, and an Academy Award. She has the distinction of being the only woman to win eight Primetime Emmy Awards and one Daytime Emmy. Leachman has starred in a wide range of theater, television and motion picture projects, creating such indelible characters as Phyllis in the TV series Phyllis and The Mary Tyler Moore Show, Frau Blucher in Young Frankenstein, Nurse Diesel in High Anxiety, and Ruth Popper in The Last Picture Show (for which she won an Oscar and a BAFTA). In 2008 she has already completed three new films; The Women, American Cowslip and New York I Love You. She is in the process of writing her memoir and is currently touring the U.S. with her one-woman show CLORIS!

82 years old! She makes me feel old. I know that Jane Seymour (prior season) and Susan Lucci (this season) are both recognized for looking wonderful at their age BUT come on – neither is near 82 and both have that pained emaciated look of women who try to hard. Cloris just is. She looks healthy and robust. She doesn’t wear make-up during the filmed rehearsals and she glows. She is my heroine and I want to grow up to be just like her.

I adored her Phyllis character. I know Mary was everyone’s darling of the working girls and Rhoda was everyone’s favorite wise cracking tough girl but Phyllis was the most wonderful blend of sarcasm and grace. As is Cloris.

I saw Cloris on the Comedy Central Roast for Bob Saget. It was hosted by John Stamos. She opened with – “I haven’t come here to roast Bob Saget, I’ve come here to fuck John Stamos”.

Imagine my delight when I tuned in to watch her first night on DWTS – Lord I wish it was on cable, just for her segments. ABC censors must be on high alert. And she did not disappoint. Besides looking wonderful and joyful she danced beautifully. And she looked like she could care less about anything but the moment.

She shamelessly flirts with the judges; she openly offers them sexual favors and money. She caused the stuffy elder judge to plead “please remove your cleavage from my eyes”. She responded by encouraging him to become her ‘toy boy’. In all the seasons I don’t remember the backstage inane chatter ever being bleeped. They bleeped Cloris numerous times!

I’m sure Cloris won’t go too far in the competition. And I know she doesn’t care. She will simply be outrageous and free and a joy to behold for as long as she’s there and then she’ll move on. So much to do with the second half of her life.

I got these photos from the DWTS site.

Behold the glory that is Cloris Leachman.