" ... and it breaks my heart"

With all the division in this country the California Supreme Court has today managed to create one more divide.

18,000 couples who were married in the brief shining moment between the legalization of gay marriage and the vile vote for Prop 8 will remain married BUT ...

The California Supreme Court upheld Prop 8.

Imagine explaining to your child that his friend's parents are married but you are not and you're not allowed to.

The decision just came down a few moments ago but I have already heard some talking head from some "Christian" group belching forth about how the court had no choice but to uphold the "overwhelming" voice of the people.

Asshat - it was 52%. Get your head out of your - uh - hat - and do some 3rd grade math.

And I wonder what the vote would truly have been had the measure been clear. How many didn't get that in order to support gay marriage you had to say No to Prop 8? As a nation we're not exactly famous for our reading the fine print skills. Plus there were reports that elderly and English as a Second Language voters were intentionally misled. I experienced this phenomenon first hand during the Presidential campaign when I sat in a synagogue and listened to a rabbi tell the mostly elderly worshippers that Barack Obama was a "Muslim" who would do "all he can to undermine the safety of Israel" and "compromise the safety of Jews in America".

So says the word of God?

How many were frightened by the lies spread by groups like the Mormon Church, The Roman Catholic Church, The Knights of Columbus and all those loving, caring, giving "values" oriented groups that pop up during elections like pimples on a teenager.

I can't believe this is where we still sit as a nation. As allegedly free and equal people. It is shameful and hateful, ignorant and unconstitutional.

The Courage Campaign has plans to air an ad to keep the word out. You can read more about it HERE

HRC has tons of information about the next steps and about the state of equality throughout the nation.

I had no plans to post today but this travesty demands the light of day.

I remain firm in my belief that not one of us is equal unless we are all equal. No one's rights are guaranteed unless everyone's rights are guaranteed.

It's not over ...

my post title comes from the song in this VIDEO

When Celebrities Go Terribly ... Right

Yes I was once again watching ET – Dancing With the Stars brings out the worst in me – and I caught a segment that made me smile and feel a bit better about the nature of things.

Actress Pauley Perrette – I think she’s adorable – got married this past Valentine’s Day in a ceremony that “celebrates generosity and community”. She wore a $20 dress from a thrift store – in place of gifts she asked her guests to donate to 1 of 6 charities and she had a special cake sent to everyone who is part of a local food delivery service for people who are home bound.

Pauley and her husband also chose to have their marriage be a ceremony and not a legal proceeding as their show of solidarity with those who are not allowed to be married.

You can see a bit of the interview with Pauley HERE on the ET site although they left out the part about marriage equality and Prop 8. Pauley has written many articles about her stand and work against Prop 8 – if you’re interested just search her name HERE

I think part of why I’m responding to this story so strongly is that it comes at a time when I’m surrounded with plans for a baby shower that make me very uncomfortable. Talk about fancy restaurants and long guest lists, registering for expensive gifts, designer layettes, Pottery Barn for Kids – did you know there is an $1800 toy chest? Isn’t that special. Nothing says raise your kid to be a materialistic asshat like an $1800 toy chest. What goes in it? Gold? Maybe Bernie Madoff’s wife can hide out in it. Hey Grandma Ruth! Where's all the money?

I will admit this all makes me feel a bit alone and a little sad. I am such an odd duck in this family.

Anyway …

Congratulations to Pauley and her husband. If she ever needs a Mom she can call me.

When The Universe Speaks

Anger is a powerful emotion, rage is “hawt” and a good rant is almost as good as good sex.

But …

Woman can not live by rage alone. In responding to comments on yesterday’s post I mentioned the unholy trio of humor and irony and snark - and trust me – I love them and I’ll never forsake them.

But …

Sometimes the universe sends you a signal. Actually the universe is always sending signals; we’re just too busy to receive. I woke up really early this morning and decided to watch The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson. He’s always on my DVR. Expecting the usual hilarity I was a bit disappointed to see his guest would be Archbishop Desmond Tutu. I thought I wasn’t in the mood for any serious talk. How silly of me to underestimate both of them.

Their conversation was wonderful. Craig proved again that he can talk to anyone about anything and I was reminded once more that Desmond Tutu is a lovely man. He has a wonderful giggling laugh and tells fantastic stories.

At one point in their conversation Craig was rewarded by Father Tutu with a gentle pat on the hand and a brilliant smile for this quote …

“Resentment is like taking poison and expecting the other person to die”

I have seen this quote attributed to author and all around rascal Malachy McCourt.

Craig and Archbishop Tutu continued their conversation about the balance of good and evil, about the resiliency of the human spirit and about the grace required to achieve true freedom.


In a complete full circle moment, as Oprah would say, a friend called me to remind me that today was the day Ken Starr was going to court to continue his assault on gay families. He was planning on watching live feed with his husband and children and was just touching base with me since he claims that, in the past, I have made him feel calmer and given him something to hold on to. I told him about my rant from yesterday and then told him I had just watched Craig and Archbishop Tutu.

He loved that I mentioned Tutu since it reminded him of this …

Archbishop Tutu has vocally challenged discrimination on the basis of sexual orientation. In a 2004 article in The Times (London), he condemned persecution on the basis of sexual orientation, comparing it to apartheid. "We struggled against apartheid in South Africa, supported by people the world over, because black people were being blamed and made to suffer for something we could do nothing about—our very skins," he wrote. "It is the same with sexual orientation. It is a given. I could not have fought against the discrimination of apartheid and not also fight against the discrimination that homosexuals endure, even in our churches and faith groups."

And that made him - and me - feel stronger.

If you would like to see the Craig and Archbishop Tutu episode go HERE

If you would like to help protect my friend’s family and all the others from Ken Starr and people like him you can sign a petition HERE

While there click on the ‘Launch The Wall’ button – the lies and ugliness there needs to be drowned out. The darkness there needs to have a giant light shining down upon it.

And on we go …

the photo of Craig and Father Tutu is from The Late Late Show site linked above
the photo of that beautiful family is from The Huffington Post

Precious Time

I saw this video at PAGAN’S place earlier today and it broke my heart. I always feel a sense of urgency about human rights. How long is an acceptable waiting period to be equal? If you’re the person whose rights are being trampled on I imagine a moment can feel like forever.



So I planned on posting the video and linking back to my dear wonderful friend Pagan. I planned on doing it tomorrow.

And I went about my day. A pretty crappy day actually – full of annoyance and a backache and worries.

My last chore for my crappy day was to put out the recycling container. And I ran into my neighbor from across the road. He looked drawn and tired – crushed actually. One of his closest friends just died.

I met this friend. He was 53 (same age as me), married to a wacky and wonderful woman. They have a beautiful teenage daughter. We met at a backyard party. He instantly took my son under his wing, turned out they do the same kind of work. We all spent an incredibly lovely evening together.

As I walked back up my driveway with tears in my eyes and a knot in my stomach I was thinking of how he was the same age as me, of how he had spoken longingly of retirement, of the way I caught him looking at his daughter – full of love and protection and pride. I remembered his eyes when he took me aside to tell me what a great guy my son was – how he knew how hard it must have been to be a single Mom – especially back in the day – in Brooklyn. Turns out we all grew up in the same neighborhood.

As I stepped into my side door all the wind rushed out of my sails.

What if he had been waiting to find out if his marriage was still “valid”? If it was “legal” to be married to the person he was raising a child with. The person he had been committed to for 20 years.

Life is so fragile. Time is so fleeting.

It is a disgrace that love needs to be defended. It is a disgrace that people feel they can attack love.

It is a tragedy to waste this precious time.

I hope you will go to COURAGE CAMPAIGN and sign the petition. It is 3 items down on the left side.