Here’s the thing. If you were snorting coke through your eyeballs and shooting horse directly into your heart it wouldn’t matter to them if you were working like a good boy and showing the public the image they want you to convey.
So Charlie. WTF? What are you “winning”? Look at Elvis or Belushi – they self destructed in the midst of those who supposedly managed them and cared for them. If you were to kill yourself all those “goddesses” and “supporters” around you would be selling their stories before your body was cold.
There has been something in your demeanor that has nagged at me and then it hit me like a ton of bricks. Your behavior reminds me of my father. Now if you wanna talk bat shit crazy he was the man. Your darting eyes and jerky movements. Your habit of leaning far into the camera and tilting sideways. The incessant running your fingers through your hair. They all hit me.
I believe you when you say you’re off the drugs. My father was sober for years after drinking all the booze the state of Louisiana, including New Orleans!!!, had to offer. He married several times, had many children, held down good jobs, did all the crap “normal” people are supposed to do to prove they’re “normal”.
But there was always something simmering just under the surface and when it couldn't be contained any longer ...
He never went back to the bottle but he lost touch with any semblance of reality. He compared himself to Jesus. Sound familiar “Malibu Messiah”? Everyone was a crook and a liar. He spewed his contempt for everyone at every opportunity.
This hatred encompassed his children as well. He never again saw the children he had deserted in Louisiana and he tormented the children he had in NY.
So here’s the good news Charlie. It appears you haven’t done anything to hurt your children. You have a really critical choice. You have the opportunity to figure out what’s happening with you before your children are old enough to understand. Before the baggage you heap on them is so heavy that they must drop it and run away from you.
Do it Charlie. Put on a disguise and go to a hospital in Kansas. Call your Dad. Something. Do something.
Your children will love you for it. They forgive. Hell, we forgave our father many times a day for years. Each and any moment of genuine parenting was rewarded with unconditional love.
It is the gift and magic of children.
