Some 'Splainin and Some Sharing

I took a little road trip today which I’ll share in a moment, don’t worry – there’s pictures, it won’t be a lot of reading.

First I feel the need to ‘splain where my head is these days. I haven’t been visiting as often as I do and when I do I feel like I’m leaving half assed comments. And I don’t personally answer comments all the time anymore and that bothers me. I do read them all.

I’m exhausted and it shows. And I store my energy and focus like a squirrel stores his nuts (hehehe – nuts) for those things I really need to do.

One of the things exhausting me is endlessly worrying about everything. I know better and so I try to be proactive.

One of the crazy/wacky/nuts/where the hell does this crap come from worries that I’ve been having is that I won’t be able to find the hospital when my DIL goes into labor. We’re here together a lot, just the two of us, so there’s a good chance I’m “Driving Miss Mommy”. The worrying about this extends to my being single handedly responsible for all problems this child and it’s Mom have for the rest of their lives – because I couldn’t find the hospital.

So today I went to find the hospital.

Here’s a really good shot of me starting out on my journey. Look at what my aura does to everything around me.



My concerns about finding the hospital do have some validity. The hospital is west of us and traveling across NJ is not simple. The roadways appear to have been developed by a psychotic giant creature who ate up pieces of streets/routes/drives/avenues/ways and then just spewed them all back out.

NYC is much easier to navigate.

But you don’t get much of this …



Life is a trade-off.

I had my MapQuest directions in hand. I enlarged the print since I can’t read without my glasses and I can’t drive with them on. Navigation system? Please, I’m lucky my car supports the lighter, I’m even afraid to use the cell charger.

I also had in my head so much helpful advice. My son and my DIL speak GPS – they have no idea what anything is called, they just turn when they’re told. My neighbors speak original NJ – “turn where the Carvel used to be” or “it’s the jug-handle right after where Bobby used to work, but don’t go past Susie’s pre-school cause then you’ll have to make a U-turn in whatever they’re building over there.”

After the psychotic giant was done spewing NJ roads into a maze of puzzle pieces teeny little fairies came along to make the road signs.

See the giant intersection - with 3 lanes to choose from. Can you read the sign? Oy!





OK – left for east. Gee I always thought east was right. Or is that only if I’m facing north? Or only on my PC screen?

It wouldn’t be such a big deal if lane changing wasn’t a contact sport. Far too many drivers ignore signals and frantic hand waving. There is a definite lack of …



… on the road.
I was able to get this shot after he cut me off.

And then there are so many signs that just don’t make sense …



Wonder how many of these there are?

I did find the hospital on the first try. The sense of accomplishment and relief was enormous. And I made it home using nothing but my innate ability to think in reverse.

And my ability to tolerate jug-handles. I was the Queen of the Quick Left in NY. I could sense the green and make a left across four lanes before anyone moved an inch. Now I need to deal with this nonsense …



OK – so there are more words than I thought there would be. Whadda ya want? I’m Russian/Irish/Jewish – storytelling is in my blood.

I Can't Control Where They Park the Verizon Trucks

The endless subject of control came up today at the therapist. Usually I try to change the subject but since we'd been discussing "Regret for the Past and Terror of the Future" control seemed benign. Given my past (we'll go there eventually) I always feel I need to control every moment of every situation so that nothing bad happens. Not to me - to everyone around me! Guess I'm nuts with a social conscience.

My sweet little 95' Jetta got plowed into last week. Victim of an idiot in a pick-up, skidding on snow while talking on the phone, fondling his girlfriend and making an illegal U-turn. Good news - I was buying milk at the moment, Bad News - little Jetta is in intensive care. More good news - I am insured to the same degree as Kathy Bates in "Fried Green Tomatoes".

Rental car arrives and it's a 2007 Murano. My Jetta fits in the freakin' front seat. I'm a very good driver - my Father told me so in the driveway - and after years of living in Brooklyn and commuting to Manhattan I am brave and nimble and assertive but this baby is huge and new. She responds to a touch at the wheel, a tap at the brake - Jetta had more of a Fred Flintstone car vibe going for it. Plus I've never been fond of reverse and now I can't even find the back of the car.

And all the old crazies come home to roost. I'll lose control, it'll tip over, and most of all - I will back out of the Stop N' Shop parking lot and mow down a ton of toddlers on their way back from seeing how produce is marketed. I can see their little bodies beneath my back wheels - holding hands with their mittens pinned to their coats. But I need coffee filters!

I wind my way through the jug-handles of NJ and park my beast at the far end of the lot - near the dumpsters, upsetting a flock of rabid seagulls. Good plan I assure myself - what could I hurt in no-man's land.

Filters in hand (along with $200 worth of other crap I didn't know I needed) I emerge from Stop N' Shop to discover my car surrounded by Verizon trucks. It's lunch time and IHOP is right next door and apparently they too suffer from reverse-itis. The panic that came over me was stunning and comical. I could barely steer the shopping cart - how would I ever get the Titanic out of a thimble? I considered waiting for them to finish lunch but that seemed absurd - even to me. So I summoned my inner well voice and tackled the situation. I will be in the moment, there are no loose toddlers - inch by inch, breath by breath the Murano was freed from her tiny crevice!

So the therapist was right (bitch) - I can't plan for everything, I can't control everything, I'm not to blame for everything and bad things won't always happen.

I lived in the moment and I'm planning on living there again. With a few forks off the moment.