Heads or Tails Tuesday: The Scary Room

Before buying this house I lived in apartments all my life. Somebody else is responsible for water and heat and wires.

The room I'm going to share with you is, according to my daughter-in-law, the laundry room, my son calls it - "down where I have my tools" - or - "where the beer is" - or - "did you bring up any --- from there".

I call it 'The Scary Room' - I'm not afraid of it anymore, that disappeared the first time I plugged the leak, turned off the gas, and pumped the pump. It's name stuck out of love and admiration for the fragile maze of incomprehensible workings that make a building a home.





The door to the scary room - right by my desk, that way I can always hear the moaning, screeching, clacking of whatever is about to cost thousands to repair.




Looks pretty benign when you first enter.




These machines I can manage - funny how others in the house have difficulty - wonder if it's a hormone thing?




Even the washer/dryer have demons - you must be able to turn this little red dial at the first scent of gas. Again - I appear to be the only person who has a sense of smell.




the water from the washer pumps into the pump that ...




... pumps into the hole, that generates the pool that flows back up the pipe that lives in the house that morons built.




give you one guess why the pump that pumps needs a special alarm!?
and my bedroom is right above - how convenient (for everyone else)




although I enjoy having a window while folding (balling up) sheets - the real reason we put it in was to have a way to pump out the water when the pumps that pump the pumps stop pumping




the hanger is my handiwork - 3 men stood around scratching their balls trying to decide how to keep thing #1 from falling off of thing #2. I got the hanger, got the wire cutters and viola! - they said they'd be back with clamps - that was 3 years ago.




blue and red flames in here are a good thing - until you have to put your hand in there to flip the thingie




you're gazing at my trip to San Francisco! any and all black pipes you see were ALL replaced at once since they decided to sprout holes together. synchronized flooding!
Oh well - California will still be there, or not if you believe in global warming.
Meet ya on the beach in Vegas?




Water that is invited into the house can be controlled here.




I have no clue what these things do but I think they're pretty and I think it's really cool that I own concrete.




scary stuff that is as old as dirt




I believe the Internet runs through here




and ... when all else fails I can open this little door, climb under the stairs and rock back and forth chanting "me precious, me precious"
or ... it's a great place to smoke a joint when the freakin' kids are home

Hope you like my scary room. There's a lovely house attached to it - if you're interested you can buy it for a lot less than we paid for it as long as you don't mind waiting until the economy is better so that we can afford to leave it. Perhaps your grandkids are interested?

To join Heads or Tails Tuesday or to check out others go to Skittle’s Place

Heads or Tails: Anything Green

This week’s HoT is anything green. To join in or to see what other green stuff is lurking in the blogger world check out Skittle’s Place

My sweet little old lady, my VW Jetta is green.

She has been with me since 1995 and has been a good girl until recently.

Menopause is hitting this bitch hard!

She has become the “Lucifer” that inspired this past Saturday’s Wordzzle entry.

In the past 4 weeks she has been boosted twice – battery is brand new but some other thingie attached to the whozit malfunctioned and drained the battery. A battery boost from AAA is like a quickie with a stranger, it’s all fun and games until you stop – then nobody knows what to do or say.

“Lucifer” has taken a ride on a flatbed. Oh how she loved that – I could see it in her grill, she’s tired and wants to know why she can’t ride all the time. She’s been carrying me for 13 lucky years – when is it her turn.

She has also lost the clips that attach the plastic thing to the foam thing that is NOT supposed to be grating against the wheel well.

Last but not least her headlights went out but it wasn’t the bulb – OH NO – heaven forbid it be a $10 bulb! It was the wire that I believe is attached to every other electronic thing in the dashboard, cause once the headlights went back on the dashboard died. I can see where I’m going I just can’t tell how fast I’m getting there.

The alarm system may or may not engage, the back windows must NOT be lowered – they will not rise again. At least she left me my window although it can’t go all the way down, just ¾ of the way. The intermittent wipers take themselves literally; sometimes they wipe, most times they don’t. They are particularly sensitive to rain. The trunk won’t open from the outside but the trunk release button inside Lucifer often sticks, this wasn’t a big deal until the night the back tire exploded. It took two highway patrol officers and the AAA guy 10 minutes to get the spare tire out.

I travel into Manhattan a lot – the list of Dos/Don’ts/Cautions that I leave with the parking attendants is a work of art. Too bad they can’t read it and I haven’t been able to have it translated into 17 languages.

And here’s Lucifer’s interior -

I know it’s not green but I thought you might like to see where I spend a lot of my time, usually in the rain or in the middle of the night, my nose pressed against the window like a dog waiting for Mommy to come out of the supermarket. Muttering to myself – “Is that AAA!?, Is that AAA!? “ only to realize it’s still not AAA and the guy walking towards me looks a lot like a serial killer.

If only the doors locked.

Heads or Tails Tuesday: 7 Customer Do's and Don'ts

This week’s Heads or Tails was - 7 things from any category

If you’d like to participate or read other entries please visit Skittle’s Place

I went back to work this weekend at my second job as a sales associate for a large retailer. I had been on medical leave since December with a variety of back and leg issues that I won’t bore you all with.

As I folded the same stack of shirts for the fourth time in two hours my mind wandered. If it didn’t I would surely seriously injure a customer or kill the co-worker who is supposed to be folding, it’s technically not in my job description but the store was as dead as a doorknob (as is the co-worker’s brain) and I couldn’t look at the mess, especially with all the regional managers floating around. Business is not good and they’d rather blame us than think about the economy.

Anyhoo – it occurred to me that it was Tuesday; time takes on a new dimension when you work two jobs, and I hadn’t written anything for HoT.

So, from the perspective of a customer oriented, responsible, friendly, grown-ass sales associate, I give you 7 Do’s and Don’ts for the customer.

1 - DO ask me as many questions as you need to about the stock. I will check, I will look it up, I will call the manufacturer. DON’T ask me why the fitting room is so far away or why the mirrors are cloudy or why the parking lot has potholes. I am not the floor planner, I am not the architect, and I certainly don’t have any control over the asphalt – I have to park in a clump of dead trees three football fields away from the store.

2 – DO expect me to smile at your children and make baby talk with them, it is part of being friendly and I love kids. DON’T expect me to watch them, carry them, or clean them. And definitely DON’T catch an attitude with me after I say (for the tenth time) – “honey please don’t play with that sharp stick, you’re going to get hurt – oh and please climb down off the shelves before you fall”. When you hear me say (and I KNOW you CAN hear me) “Sweetie, go back to your Mommy” what I’m saying is, “Come get your child, you irresponsible …”

3 – DO question the price, especially when there are clearance signs everywhere saying the same thing five different ways. I know you’re confused, so am I and I work here. DON’T act as though I am out to cheat you. I don’t work on commission and even if I did why assume I’m a bad person. Didn’t I just say I would check with the scanner. Didn’t I say I would get a manager to approve honoring the lower price since the sign was in the wrong place.

4 – DO expect a pleasant shopping experience. You have come here to spend your money which is how we make a living and you should be treated nicely. DON’T think I’m your friend, your mother, your wife. I am a person doing a job – you’re in public, behave like it. DON’T scream into your cell phone while talking to me, DON’T hand me your food wrappers and tell me to throw them away, DON’T shove your shopping cart at me saying “you can put that back”. If I was your friend I’d reconsider my taste in people, if I was your mother I’d smack you and if I was your wife I’d take the freakin’ cell phone away from you and call a divorce lawyer.

5 – DO feel free to take all the time you want. Wander the shelves, sit on the sofa (which I’m not allowed to even lean against) and go through the catalog, browse all you want. I smiled at you when we first made eye contact and you looked away, then I asked if you needed any help and you looked away so I told you to let me know if and when you needed anything. So DON’T get in a huff when you finally decide you want to acknowledge that I exist by shouting out – “Can I get some help over here!”

6 – I know you DO really need an extra large, and I DO know that it has to be peachy mauve with the caplet sleeve but DON’T take the entire shelf of blouses apart after I tell you that we have extra large in twelve other colors (three of which look like peach or mauve) OR we have peachy mauve in large. Why would I lie!? DON’T you think I want you to have what you want. And DON’T you know I will need to fix that entire shelf – again.

7 – DO try on as many garments as you’d like. Our store has a much more liberal policy than most. You can take as many articles in with you as you’d like, and we don’t hire scary looking surly people to stand there and stare at you – so feel free - look and model and suck in your tummy to your heart’s delight. DON’T throw it all on the floor when you’re done. I’m sorry nothing fit but that rack that says “Please leave garments here” is actually closer to you than the floor is. And if you DO leave your mess in the fitting room, then DON’T be pissy when it’s your turn to have to use a room full of someone else’s stuff.

I will gladly clean it for you as soon as I help the little boy who is bleeding from a head wound while his mother searches for the one and only peachy mauve blouse with caplet sleeves – in extra large. She KNOWS there has to be one.

Long before I worked in retail I was a customer, and before that I was a person. It will never cease to amaze me how the lines of civil behavior get so muddied when one person is in a service position and the other one is an asshole.

And I know there are terrible sales clerks – I work with them but, as in all other facets of life, we shouldn’t paint everyone with the same brush.

Now I need a drink – I think I’ll have a 7 and 7.

I Wonder About Me ... and you will too

It is Heads or Tails Tuesday. If you want to see more entries or join in check out Skittle’s Place

Heads was Wonder, Tails was Wander

I chose to do (give?) Heads

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“… A mind is a terrible thing … and it must be stopped … in our lifetime”

That’s a small piece from one of the best comedy spots I have ever seen. The comic presents himself as a ‘one shot to the head too many’ football player and just wonders out loud.

This comic’s name escapes me – my brother has his entire act on an old VHS tape. I wonder why little bro was so upset when I asked him to find the tape, hook up the old VCR, and tell me the guy’s name. So what if it’s 5 AM!? I need to know! I took care of you – you little prick – I wonder if we’re still having Easter at his house …

I wonder how huge the stress tumor I’m developing in my head will get before it explodes. Perhaps if I stop wondering about important stuff, if I stop wondering about decisions I need to make … Maybe I should wonder about wonderful things? Flowers and birds and pretty colors … Happy songs and sunshine and little children laughing …

I wonder if I can make it to the toilet before I throw-up …

I wonder if maybe I should look at some of the stuff I’m wondering about. Just face them head on and wonder them to death …

There’s my dying car. I wonder how many times you can call AAA in a 7 day period before they block your number. I wonder if I can afford a down payment. I wonder how crappy a car I can live with for the monthly payment I can afford.

Maybe I can work 3 jobs again. I wonder how much stamina I’ve lost over the years. I wonder if there’s an easier way to make extra money. Diablo Cody (wrote Juno) speaks lovingly of her days as a stripper. I wonder how much they would pay me to put my clothes back on. I wonder if there’s a niche for that – exotic nauseator?

I wonder why I sweat the small stuff. Even after reading all those books that told me not to. I wonder where those books are. Could I get money for them?

What else do I have that I could sell? I wonder why I never figured out E-Bay. I do have those ridiculously expensive wine glasses. I wonder why I never drink from them. How much would they be worth? They’re beautiful – even with those smudges where I couldn’t get the stickers off.

I wonder why manufacturers and retailers put those stickers on. Why do they hate us? I wonder what we did. Maybe I didn’t soak long enough in water that was hot enough. Maybe it would have worked if I had waited until after my expensive manicure to start furiously scraping with my lovely claws. I wonder why things work best for me when I fix one thing by ruining another.

I wonder where my books about self fulfilling prophecy went. I can’t remember if I read them. I wonder – if I read the memory improvement quiz will I remember where they are?

Kelly Ripa’s voice makes me want to kill her. I wonder why I have the TV on. And what is it about me that I need to have ABC on now just so I’ll remember to watch Oprah 7 hours from now. I can turn it off. I wonder if I’ll get more work done in the quiet.

I wonder what that sound is coming from the furnace. If we need a new furnace how will that impact getting a new car? I wonder how cold it really will be from now til Spring. Is it possible that sound is getting louder!? I wonder if mechanical screams are ever a good thing.

Wow – Kelly Ripa is still talking.

I wonder where my CD of “It’s a Wonderful World” is. Will I believe it if I say it to myself?

I wonder if I can take another 50mg of Zoloft this early in the day.

Heads or Tails Tuesday: The Letter P

Skittles invited me to join in “Heads or Tails Tuesday”. Never one to miss a party - here goes. Check out her sidebar if you would like to join in or just to check out other Participants.

Today’s theme is “The Letter P” and I’ve chosen to talk a bit about Parkinson’s disease.

I don’t personally know anyone battling this disease but I do have a loved one coping with MS. Similar challenges. She is one of the bravest people I know and I love her dearly – she humbles me with her strength and inspires me with her humor and grace.

I am a huge fan of Muhammad Ali and Michael J Fox, two well known people putting a face to Parkinson’s.

One of my favorite bloggers - Michael Manning is very active within the National Parkinson Foundation. In fact he will soon be the MC at a very important event. Check him out. He’s interesting, funny, and informative.

Besides info about Parkinson’s, Michael offers up some great movie trivia and amazing photos of outrageous cars that he loves too much and links to cool indie music and … anymore and I’ll sound like a publicist!!

Today – while reading Michael’s blog and thinking about whether or not I could come up with something for “P” – my already challenged attention span (menopause!) was captured by a story of dance therapy for Parkinson patients. Great story and wonderful little video. check it out here

Finally – here’s a link to the National Parkinson Foundation - NPF
Just today I learned, through Michael’s blog, (I know – now I sound like a stalker) how efficiently they manage donations and how little of it goes to administration.

If you’re reading this through a crystal ball, here’s the contact info for the foundation.

NATIONAL PARKINSON FOUNDATION
1501 N.W. 19TH AVENUE
BOB HOPE ROAD
MIAMI, FLORIDA 33136
1-800-327-4545

I feel so full circle at the moment – Skittles’ invite, the Letter P, Michael’s blog, the news segment – it all just Pointed toward this Post.