Let's Get Historical

Charlie Rose recently asked a guest on CBS This Morning which long gone writers he thought would embrace blogging and social networking. The guest said ...

Dickens would

and

Shakespeare would not

The writer that came to mind was Hemingway

I could absolutely imagine drunken tweets from war zones.
#who'sYourPapa  f**k you Franco, your wife salutes me now

Speaking of drunken tweets - Dean Martin

#RatPack - in Palm Beach with Golddiggers - dancers not wives

On the flip side

No way would Sinatra have anything to do with the internet

Way too private
I could see him texting his mistresses

In the political arena I think Abe Lincoln would be a fine blogger. Thoughtful posts about everything from equality to gardening.

What voice from the past can you hear echoing through these magical internet tubes?

I've Word Verified and I Can't Get Up

that's what it feels like.

apparently Google - in it's endless quest to dominate - has changed the word verify interface.

One simple word, sometimes far too squiggly to read, was bad enough. Now its two words with upper case and punctuation. One of the words is buried in a cloud or a star or , in my opinion, a dark spirit, making the word impossible to read. I sit at my keyboard asking myself - is that the end of the 'C' or is that an 'I'?

I have made so many lovely friends here on the internet tubes and I participate in many photo projects. I love visiting you all and telling you how fabulous you are. Think of it - would you invite me to your home and then build an obstacle course to the front door? That's what word verification is.

One of my newest blogging friends TexWisGirl has laid out how to disable the new word verify and how to limit the chances of spam. Please go read her post  HERE, especially if you use the new Blogger interface because like everything else that Google does it's not clear how to say No to word verify in the new version.

Oh and Google - F**K You and the horse you rode in on for killing Picnik.com. You sucked me into Google+ swearing that all the Picnik options were there. Bullcrap! I don't want to create circles and tag my photos and spend huge amounts of time participating in mindless communication  - if I did I'd be on Facebook.

Anyhoo - please consider removing word verify. It often takes 2 or 3 attempts to leave a comment and on some blogs the comment disappears if the word verify doesn't go through.

Spam doesn't kill.

It's a Small World

One of the things I enjoy most about blogging is meeting new people. There are so many interesting and talented people here in the Internet tubes.

Shortly after posting the 'Elephant In the Room' I got an e-mail from a lovely person named Robert. He linked me to a song he had written and recorded about his feelings while visiting a zoo. He urged me to keep up the good work.

I loved the song. I told Robert it had a doo wop 50s quality to it and was rewarded by his saying I had a good ear. I usually have a terrible time describing music beyond love it/hate it so that made me feel good.

Robert also shared with me a poem he wrote called 'Dog' - it's sad and hopeful, heartbreaking yet comforting.

You can hear the song HERE

and read the poem HERE

Thanks Robert for reaching out to encourage me to continue my work for animals and thank you for sharing your words and music.

300

I passed 300 posts a few days ago and didn’t take note of it until now because I was so busy getting my hair extensions put in and my tanning done so that I could pose for this fabulous celebratory photo.

I wish I could simply point to the sidebar and thank everyone on the blog roll but the damn thing is so out of date. So many people on there don’t even blog anymore and so many more wonderful people aren’t listed. I have to find a better way – I’ll think about that tomorrow.

I truly hope that everyone who visits here knows how much I value them. Their honesty. Their support. Their humor. Their kindness. Their humanity.

I was trying to come up with a way to say something personal to each and every person but I know I’ll leave someone out and that would really bother me. Plus doing that many links really sucks.

I hope I tell you how much I care by the comments I leave and the time I take.

Thank you from the bottom of my twisted heathen heart.

May the fickle finger of fate always point you in the right direction.
May the gods and goddesses of whatever you have faith in never let you down.
May your photos always upload on the first try.

And …

May hitting Publish Now always bring you joy.

2 Birthdays - And ...

My intention was to post a slightly different version of this last night, but we all know where good intentions lead us – or me anyway.

I had a job interview yesterday which took up way more time than I expected and put me off schedule for files that are due tomorrow morning.

When I got back from the interview I felt so deflated and overwhelmed that I immediately fell asleep.

I woke up at 4 AM and realized it was …

National Cotton Candy Day and …
Feast of St. Ambrose of Milan, patron of beekeepers.

oh yeah – and …
I’m another year older
and deeper in debt

53 years ago today– I was born a poor black child – NO WAIT, that’s Oprah – crap, that would have been a cool destiny.

OK – 53 years ago today- on a Wednesday (the day dedicated to being full of woe) - I was born in NY Hospital to Tom and Anne – their first child, my Nana’s first grandchild.

I was to be named Ava, after Nana, but my father refused and a long and heated battle ensued between my father and everyone else on the planet. As was her way my Mother finally threw up her hands in defeat and said – “fine, name her after that hurricane that flooded CT.”

And so it was …

Diane was the costliest hurricane in US history until it was surpassed by Hurricane Betsy in 1965, and was the sixth costliest U.S. hurricane of the 20th century.

The name Diane was later retired due to this storm, and will never again be used for an Atlantic hurricane.

At the last minute my Mom threw in the extra ‘N’ so that her name was part of my name and to endlessly annoy my Father who told her not to do it. I like that.

If you search historic events on December 7 you’ll be overwhelmed with Pearl Harbor.

The only cool historic fact I could find for December 7 was …

In 1787, Delaware became the first state to ratify the U.S. Constitution.

Remember the Constitution? That thing that Bush and Cheney pissed all over. It’s OK, it’ll be back.

1955 wasn’t a big year for events – other than hurricanes.

Eddie Fisher married Debbie Reynolds. That’s pretty cool since I love their daughter Carrie. The marriage was broken up by Elizabeth Taylor. For all you kids out there – think Brad and Jen and Angelina.

When Elizabeth’s husband died Eddie Fisher “ran to comfort her with his penis” – as Carrie says.

Ellen Burstyn was born on December 7 – I’ve always thought Ellen would be a fantastic person to age into. More so even than Helen Mirren who appears to have lost her mind.

Larry Bird was born on December 7. Now me and Larry are 2 very different people. One is a tall, pale Irish person who ran around with a lot of black guys. The other is Larry Bird.

Harry Chapin and Tom Waits were born on the 7th – incredible writers, poetics.

Madame Tussaud was born on the 7th – made a fortune out of wax. All the good careers are taken.

Oh and Jackie Gleason won the Emmy in 1955. I always loved Jackie – he was a working class schmuck with a sweet, sad face. And a very sexy fat man.

This was the cover of The New Yorker the week I was born.



That is the Rockefeller Center I remember.

My son surprised me by leaving little gifts and cards all over the house. He’s working double shifts so I haven’t seen him in days.

My DIL got me a cake.



Funny thing (to everyone except my son) – tomorrow is my DIL’s birthday AND Connie was the horrendous hurricane that preceded my hurricane. Prophetic?

So - lots of hoo-hah in the hood.

On Friday the blog will be 1 year old.



We’ll talk about that later.

And …

I’m going to be a GrandMa!! Yes indeed!

Oh baby – this baby is in for the ride of his/her life …

Granny has all kinds of fun up her sleeve …



And that’s the story …

I’m off to let myself eat cake.

The Arte y Pico Award

Twice in two days I’ve been presented with a lovely surprise.

First JENI and then PAGAN awarded me the ARTE Y PICO.

The award is given to recipients whose blogs exhibit creativity, design and interesting material and also for contributing to the blogging community. See the bottom of this post for the rest of the details.

Since I have two of them I decided to pass them on to two categories. I like categories and themes and symbolism. Keeps my chaos in check and helps me chose from a huge group of really talented folks that I adore.

The first category is young women I’d love to adopt. Smart, sassy, sexy, savvy women who I would be so proud to mother to death – in a healthy, non-obtrusive manner of course.

SNOOPMURPH – she adopted me! Poor kid, she didn’t read the fine print. Snoop’s blog is full of family and fun along with interesting posts about music and education and parenting. She is an astounding Mom and a good, sweet, supportive friend. Her children, her adorable handsome husband and her extended family are joyful to know.

TRANNY HEAD – another name I love! TH is irreverent to the nth degree. Her posts are hilarious. I always thought my son was a beautiful baby but you gotta get a look at her son! The Gerber Baby saw him and immediately arranged for plastic surgery. TH is a wonderful Mom while juggling law school and waiting for her hubby to come home from Iraq. I wish she wasn’t so far away; I’d love to offer free babysitting for life. I would also mention that she isn’t any where near as cynical and hard core as she likes to make out BUT she’d hurt me – so I won’t.

ETK – “I’m Just Sayin’” is part of her blog name and it fits perfectly. She shares her wonderful and often delightfully quirky observations. She shares them openly. etk is a whimsical soul and I love keeping up with her travels, her pink flamingo, her “baby” and all her other adventures of life.

LEIGHANN – more irreverence coupled with sexiness and sprinkled with lots of good momisms. I often call her ‘twisted sister’ but she’s younger than my son and I’d be proud to call her ‘twisted child’ and be a gorgeous granny to her “things”.

KNIGHT – she looks like a movie star and writes like a journalist. She’s interesting and open. She presents stories about her life and the world around her in a clear, no nonsense style while being a sweet and gentle person.

The second category is bloggers who have created and maintain projects. I often struggle to keep up with the blog so I have a lot of respect for those who extend their talents to reach out to and bring together fellow bloggers.

ANNA – her color related photo projects have made me appreciate so much more of my surroundings. Project Yellow was months ago and still I notice yellow wherever I go. She has made being stuck in traffic bearable! And when between projects her photos always inspire and awe.

ROGER – a very new blogger friend. His Creative Photography blog has only been up two weeks and already he has a good size circle of talented participants. When you visit the CP site make sure to check out the link to Roger’s main blog – great photos!!

MARY/the TEACH – I really don’t like the color red Mary LOL but wow have I found an appreciation for its place in a photo. Mary’s Ruby Tuesday project has brought so many great photographers together.

RAVEN – The Wordzzle Wonder Wiz! My vocabulary is better. My creative juices are juicier. My confidence in my writing feels more comfortable. All because of a hodge-podge of random words lovingly offered and tended to each week by a woman who should be published many times over.

Thank You JENI – grandma extraordinaire and keeper of the Bushisms.
Thank You PAGAN – artist, activist and soul mate.

Not all of us are into awards and less of us are into passing them on. It’s all good!
The blogging universe is populated by artists and heaven knows artists can not be tethered to rules or procedures.

Take the awards as they are intended. A nod to your talent and a small show of appreciation for who you are.

The rest of the award details are:
1) Pick five (5) blogs that you consider deserve this award for their creativity, design, interesting material, and also for contributing to the blogging community, no matter what language.

2) Each award has to have the name of the author and also a link to his or her blog to be visited by everyone.

3) Each award winner has to show the award and put the name and link to the blog that has given her or him the award itself.

4) Award-winner and the one who has given the prize have to show the link of “Arte y Pico” blog.

100

I spent some time this weekend tidying up my “I Love To Read …” list. The sidebar was looking dusty and out of date. I’ve been meaning to do this for some time but I finally got crackin’ to mark my 100th post.

Yep, 100 and still kicking ass. At least I like to think so.

100 is such a fine number – it’s nice and round, easy to divide from, multiply to – hell I can even do percentage of without a calculator. Take that young people!

As I prepared to celebrate the one hundred-ness of my blog I had to stop and think why I was blogging.

Because I feel I have stuff to say? Yes.
And my friends and family are sick of listening to me? A little.

Because I live in a suburban environment where I have to drive miles to find the NY Times, a book store, a Democrat? Absolutely.

Because I think we all need to listen and learn, we all need to connect with the world around us; we need to keep our minds and hearts open and aware? Whoops! There it is!

I love to share – my thoughts, my feelings, my cooking, my home. I also realized in the past 100 posts that I love to receive. I love to receive praise, hugs, affirmation – well that’s human, that’s OK – see therapist, I am getting better.

And most of all I love our community. Full of wonderfully creative and talented people. People who share their dreams and their nightmares. People who share their photos – professional masterpieces or photos of the grandkids on a sled – each one a treasure because it represents people reaching out through the internet tubes to show themselves to others.

As I updated my ‘linky love’ list I smiled at each and every name. There is such diversity in the group.

There are women who have lost the loves of their lives yet they make monkeys dance and butterflies take flight.

There are moms and grandmothers – and dads too – who share their daily struggles. The price of gas, working and raising kids, getting funding for therapy, getting better education resources, help for autistic children. They share advice, accepting and acknowledging each other openly – with love and with grace.

There are comedians – naughty humor, silly jokes, and my personal favorite – rich and irreverent satire that you can absolutely keep on believing in. The kind of humor that makes you feel young again/still – where you’re one of the cool kids, cutting class and hiding your wine in a bag til you get to the boardwalk.

There are lots of hot women – some are like brushes of sunlight, some are twisted sisters with bodacious ta-tas and some are young women I would want as daughters. They share talk of their jobs, their lovers, their tattoos and their shoes.

And the guys – let’s hear it for the boys! Cynical bastards who are clever and huggable. Daily husbands who share warmth and support. Men who love their work, their dogs, their children. Madmen who are anything but.

Lord I have so many crushes I blush.

There are poets whose words travel across distance and hit me in the heart. Serious, brilliant writers who can also invent fun word games. Amazing women who can talk about menopause and plants in the same breath as politics and human rights. Equally amazing men who can talk about humanity and motherfuckers; who can make the connection between the sacred and the profane with ease.

There are photographers – their photos transport me to new places, make me smile at their pets, their gardens, the children in their lives.

So many dots that connect to create a wonderful world of thought and hilarity, a place of everyday kindness and relaxing silliness.

I hope I got everybody on the sidebar. I listed everyone the way I think of them, some by their blog name and some by their name name.

I have enjoyed every word, every photo and every comment over these past 100 posts and I thank you all. I hope you see yourself in this 100th post – you are all here.

My Own Little Award Show

The wonderful tt gave me the Excellent Blog award last week and I’ve finally decided how to pass it on. This was not an easy feat since I am a newcomer to your big blogger ways and I was worried that I’d somehow do it wrong. This worry was planted in the mossy part of my mind by a blog I read when I had just started blogging. Seems this poor blogger, also a newbie, had an award taken away because she hadn’t followed the rules. WTF!?
Blogging is an art and art should have no rules, or at most the rules should be don’t publish anyone’s social security number or credit card numbers and don’t be an asshole.

So I have decided which peeps deserve props – is there anything more pathetic than a middle-aged white woman using outdated hip-hop speak? Yes – George Bush.

But I digress …

I chose seven blogs because seven is my birth date number and I’ve always claimed it was lucky for me. Why? I have no clue but it made sense when I was seven so I stuck with it. Plus I love how versatile seven is – you can write it European and put the sexy mark in it or you can do like I do and make it barely discernible from a one. This is especially useful when you have a $77 gas bill and you only have $11 in your checking account. Of course you also have to not write out the amount in words and you have to remember to not sign the check. This usually gets you at least one more month before they turn off the gas – trust me, it works – I did it plenty of times back in the leaner 20 year old Single Mom days.

And I digress yet again …

I decided, going with the blogging is an art theme, to award the Excellent Blog award with movies and Oscar in mind. This also lets me give it to people who have already received it, two of them very recently. Again – I can not live by rules. I must acknowledge my wilder side somewhere and since it doesn’t wash with clients or at the giant-ass retail store my blog is my wild child salvation.
The Envelopes Puh-lease!

Raven – she’s Katherine Hepburn – stately and wise with a soft side that hugs the world. And she rocks as inventor of Wordzzle. Her blog is always filled with poetry and pureness.

Kim - best new artist. Yes, I know the Academy doesn’t have that award but the Daytime Emmys and the Grammys do. Just work with me people.
I found Kim’s blog when she was in the middle of doing a bio series on her pets. How wonderful is that!? Each day her posts are open and honest and a delight to read.

Jo – Audrey Hepburn at her finest. Beautiful and classy yet down-to-earth. Her blog truly is art. Wonderful writing and the most exquisite photography. And a comment from Jo is like being brushed with sunlight.

Michael – I have learned so much about so many diverse things from Michael. He posts about wonderful classic movies and classic cars – his Steve McQueen persona. He is also brilliant at networking people and putting the word out on worthy issues in a sweet, supportive Alan Alda manner.

CG – I’m thinking a young Helen Mirren. Classy and understated yet fun and oh so creative. Each post from CG always contains at least one magnificent photograph and she uses very few words to say so much.

R.E.H. – James Dean and Montgomery Clift. With a few Clint Eastwood days thrown in. His stories always kick-ass. He is the creator of the Picture Fiction Challenge and once a month he writes a story using lines from the blogs of his devoted commenters. How he does some of this stuff is beyond me. And because of the PFC, along with Wordzzle, I have never felt more inspired to write than I do right now.

And lovely seven…
Jayman – he’s every great comedic actor who should have gotten an Oscar and didn’t because the ass-hat Academy doesn’t feel funny is what? – smart, creative, worthy? Jay makes it all that and more. His posts always make me laugh out loud and his vlogs bring people into small moments of his life in the most entertaining way. And don’t let his blog title fool ya – he’s neither.

It was so hard to choose just seven. I think the “rules” allowed you to pass it on to ten but how snarky to flaunt rules and then use them when it’s convenient (again I leave that to Bushie Boy). There are so many wonderfully creative people in my favorites folder. I hope to be able to give an award to each and every one of them over time. They already have my respect and reader’s devotion.

And now I think we should all hit the red carpet and have our pictures taken by the paparazzi. Panties off! – You too ladies.

- I tried to go for gold font color - this is the closest I came. Sorry.

Just Forking Around

Sorry about the title – as Craig Ferguson says – “I made myself laugh and that’s half the battle”. I really do enjoy bad puns – they’re stupid and low brow and show a distinct lack of imagination, I like to think of them as my homage to our President.

But I digress …

It’s official – Sunday and Monday have become one long continuous day. It appears I’ll be stuck working both days every weekend for awhile and I need to adjust to that. I’m a bit pissed about this development; Sunday mornings are my favorite part of the week. Now I open my eyes and almost immediately feel my back still aches, my feet hurt and I have to get to the store. I’m going to need to decide what to do about Everyday Kindness Sunday wrap-up. So typical of me, it’s only an official thing for me but I still feel the
need to negotiate with myself about how to re-schedule it, and let me tell ya – I am a bitch negotiator. There are positives to working Saturday and Sunday; it leaves me more time for my real job during the week when clients expect to find me and I’ve always preferred doing errands and stuff in the middle of the day on a weekday – less crowds, less screaming kids, less traffic. So there – I’ll focus on that.

I saw “walking woman” Saturday night – I caught a glimpse of her going into “creepy guy walking dogs” house as I drove by. She was dressed up – a Saturday night date perhaps!? I hope so and I really hope I run into her soon so I can get the full story.

Mia is doing OK – the sneezing has started back up a bit and her eyes seem more sensitive again so we’ll be going back to the vet this week. BUT – she’s eating and last night she had a full hour play session with my son. She actually ran and fetched toys and jumped on higher places and just plain looked so happy. Siren is super pissed about this. How dare anyone have fun without him. I was planning to go to phase 2 of the introductions – Mia in the giant kennel and Siren out and about where he can approach her, discover her so to speak, without hurting her. I’m putting that on hold til the vet visit. So for now they communicate through the screen door – Mia hisses and growls and attempts to punch Siren’s lights out while he stares at her with laser beams of death eyes. Eventually she goes back to sleep and he comes out to punish me.

I am working on the slide show – I’m just a wee bit tired these days.

I also have a bunch of things partially written; a scathing rant about the ‘art of distraction’ regarding the media’s attention to Obama’s minister and his supposed racist sermons, an expose of how workers are treated in large retail establishments, a little ditty about what it’s like to work long hours from home and a winding ramble about blogging and message boards – the virtual water cooler I call it. Due to lack of time or brain cells each of these pieces started to lose focus and I found myself veering off the path into places I wasn’t prepared to go so …

I’m feeling a bit forked up.

There’s a very specific reason I named the blog ‘Forks Off The Moment’ – my therapist told me too. Now that’s not really true but sometimes it feels as if it is. I always loved to write – as a child I composed these elaborate fairy tales that revolved around being anywhere but where I was. In my early teens I kept very poetic, uber serious journals about politics, Viet Nam, rock music, drugs, sex and being anywhere but where I was. One of my proudest academic moments was the reaction to a paper I wrote in High School discussing the symbolism and emotional appeal of the song ‘American Pie’ – good grades always came easy to me but this grade was like winning an Oscar. People got what I wrote, they found it important and interesting and were entertained by it – I was somewhere other than where I was. Typical of what was to become my thirty-something years of self-destructive, self-sabotaging brilliance I ditched going to college to study journalism and got pregnant by an alcoholic loser twice my age. Talk about a huge fork off the moment!

Back to why it’s all the therapist’s fault.

I’ve been to therapy a few times over the years; first with my son after his Dad disappeared and it seemed that anger would consume him, then again when my sister killed herself (ain’t we a cheery lot!?) and it seemed that anger and grief would consume us all and finally (I think) this past fall – right before I started the blog – because I simply decided that being in my 50s was going to be better than the previous 4 decades. That brave decision was immediately followed by panic and depression the likes of which stunned me. The therapist thinks I need to practice living in the moment until I can learn to manage the dark places my mind takes me. Regardless of how many times I have survived something, fixed something, rescued something I always feel, always imagine, that the next time will be the end of me. When my business was struggling I stayed awake all night making plans on how to be homeless; would I go to a shelter? – would I live under a bridge? (I have troll fantasies) – what about Siren!? – how would I care for him under a bridge? – could I manage his carrier in my shopping cart? From zero to sixty! I fork off the moment.

Maybe that’s why I’m having trouble finishing anything real. The Obama piece was taking me into my own personal experiences with racism which leads to intense negative feelings about my son’s in-laws. The piece about part-time retail workers made me so angry about this President (as if I needed one more reason) and his economic follies. The ditty about working from home got me to worrying about this current dry spell and trying to describe message boards put me in a bad mood over people who are rude and judgmental, not to mention ignorant and boring.

I’m so grateful to Raven for Wordzzle and to REH for the PFC challenge. These trips into writing fiction are enjoyable and (I hope/I think) are making me a better writer. Plus they create a perfect opportunity to discover new blogs. Which reminds me, I have to update my bookmarks and my sidebar and …

More later - when the traffic jam in my head eases up.

Thanksgiving

No I'm not confused - well I'm always confused - but not about what holiday it is.

I'm not much of a New Year celebrator - far too much hoopla and pressure, not too mention drinking and driving.

I've never really gotten it - any day can be the first day of the rest of your year, the rest of your life. My Nana celebrated New Year in September. My favorite New Year's party was in NY's Chinatown - it was February.

I don't know why I don't get it - I'm big on symbolism but New Year's has just always been too much for me. Melancholy Mania never more than a moment away.

BUT ...

I thought what a fine time to mark my journey into blogging by thanking - giving props as the kids say (do they still say that!?) to:

Cathy - always stirring up a brew for me. So supportive. My #1 fan when I didn't think I deserved fans.

Mahala - the first personal blog I ever regularly read. The first "stranger" I ever sent an e-mail to - just to say I hear ya and I love it. And she answered me and encouraged me.

My brand new blogging buddies - Jeni - Kenju - Debo Blue - CrazieQueen (CQ) - lifecruiser - and special mention to Bailey's Buddy (and mine) Jay. He was the first "stranger" to recognize my blog - he even recommended it! Hope it doesn't sound too sappy - but that meant a lot to me - an affirmation that I had something to say.

there are more blog authors that should be mentioned but I'm still reading archives so I know what I'm talking about (wish our President would do that!) - they'll know who they are when they appear on my "I love to read..." list

My forum and Myspace buddies - especially the incredibly diverse and fascinating women of the Craig Ferguson forums. Don't know if they'd want to be named but they represent so much that is important to me - I share a hometown with one, another is such a gentle, thoughtful soul, there's the woman I share so many of the same views with, and the woman I disagree with sometimes who always makes me reconsider and who taught me to disagree without being disagreeable. And each of them encouraged me to write - and not just so I'd stop going OT on the boards - I still manage that, my soapbox is never more than a moment away.

I work long hours from the hole (luxurious basement office) under my house and I have managed to find a virtual water cooler to stop by. And as Cathy so eloquently said - "So much of my family lives in the computer"

Thanks to one and all. Happy Monday, Have a Great Tuesday.

Peace